Ace/aro Books Coming Out This Year That I’m Looking Forward To!

I feel so bored and lonely and empty and I want to meet someone new and form a connection and go through the getting to know them process again, but I until and unless I feel an instant "click" with someone, I feel bored if I'm talking to them online - do you see my frigging dilemma

hahahahahahaha, can I please delete my existence 🙃

I think more than jealousy, the emotion i feel when my parents tease me when they say they have 4 daughters including my cousins is something close to fear? Because then truly if I were to die , then they would also have others . Other important people. And they wouldn't feel an absence as such .

told my mom my therapist said she's getting more solid proof to confirm ADHD and my grandma mentioned that a cousin had ADHD didn't he, and I said he has ADD - she asked what that is, I said attention deficit and my mom made a joke saying oh you need more attention, not getting enough attention - and I snapped at her and slammed my tea cup down on the table and yelled about how I've told her that I don't like jokes like that and why she can't seem to understand that and then stormed off, and she felt Sad I know and she was alll like it's a joke, can't I make a joke now and my grandma was like isn't there freedom of speech now and they're both upset with me I think (but in my defense I've told them MULTIPLE times how I hate jokes like that) - still can't help feeling embarrassed a bit tho

I'm on the arospec and yesterday I had dream about my best friend and I being in a relationship and it brought me pure joy and delight in the dream so much so that I felt it after I woke up and i have never before thought of us that way and now I'm ajsjsjsk- so confused

I don't feel completely fine inside but I feel fine on a surface level and I know I'm not supposed and this is just me repressing my emotions unconsciously but I don't fucking know what to dooo

It's like my body is a laptop and I have a virus which isn't outwardly harming or affecting the system, but still there's something amiss inside, I just want to find my anti-virus ffs is that too much to ask for

I feel so lonely :)

aro musings

Since childhood, I’ve been repeatedly told that blood relationships trump bonds by choice, since the former’s permanence can never be debated, never be challenged. It took me some time to realize what exactly was meant by that: bonds made by choice can as easily be broken by choice, and that the sole security offered by blood is the simple fact that you cannot transfuse your entire blood stream. That was an epiphany, because it meant despite the one million EXIT doors all around us, the people I’d chosen had chosen me back; but it also meant the people I share blood with don’t have a single EXIT door to truly make their love for me, a love on purpose.

I don’t want permanence if it’s by obligation; I don’t want people standing beside me through dark and stormy skies if it’s the cement on their feet holding them there. I would rather have loved ones who are windborne, who have the choice to fly and see the sky, but stop and land for me from time to time even when the sky is clear and blue and perfect. I’ve read about families by choice, but it wasn’t until I saw four women in a polyamorous relationship co-parenting adopted babies that a semblance of hope for my own future was restored. I do not wish to be ensnared by romance or monogamy or any hierarchical relationship; I want what people dream of: a queer couple to adopt them so they wouldn’t feel alone; I want what people have: a best friend to co-parent each other’s pets with; I want what people don’t see: a family of friends.

-kpm ©

[tbc]

Can someone please send me resources or links or anything at all to send it to people to prove that we should stop using "narcissistic abuse" as a term?????