I Wonder What Their Jobs On Homeworld Are Like.

My Diamonds...

My Blue, Yellow, and Pink Diamonds (yes I know she’s purple but dammit this is MY Diamond Authority)

White Diamond? Eh, pick on and I’m sure he’ll fit the bill.

Damn... a younger Paul Newman was pretty fine. Oh Armie Hammer, he’s so pretty... Owen babe, I’ve had a crush on you for 11 years ever since I was ten... you’re still so gorgeous.

DAMMIT 2017! YOU MADE ME LIKE GUYS AGAIN!

And not only that we now know there are at least two different kinds of afterlife. And that séances are possible.

Mater seemed to be weirdly chill about how he was about to die. He only didn’t go with the Speed Demon is because he didn’t want to leave Lightning alone… he didn’t care his sister wouldn’t see him just that he didn’t want Lightning to be sad and alone.

Honestly I think that was legitimately sweet this episode. Mater was worried about Lightning being sad about him dying and Lightning was worried for Mater’s safety.

They are friends who care about each other and it’s weirdly sweet here.

cars on the road episode 3 alternate title "mater fucking dies for about 3 seconds"

💚❤️

❤️ I think Cars 2 was real start of the 2010s Disney Twist Villain craze…

Previous Twist Villains existed before the 2010s, but I think the reason why it became more frustrating for Pixar and Disney movies in that time was because of one person: John Lasseter. Lasseter had been executive producer on all the Pixar and Disney films with the twist villain: Cars 2, Wreck It Ralph, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Zootopia, Moana, Coco, and Incredibles 2.

While Lasseter was the executive producer on previous Disney and Pixar films with a twist villain (Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc. Incredibles, Meet the Robinsons, and Toy Story 3) he also had a lot more oversight as well. He wasn’t the most powerful man in animation at the time.

I think Lasseter really liked the twist villain and production-timeline wise, he probably suggested twist villains while making Cars 2.

With that being said… I think Miles Axlerod is the smartest in the sense that he never brags about his crimes to his victims. He only reveals himself as the villain when there’s a bomb inches from him and seconds away from blowing him up. Axlerod was smart enough to be cautious, not going to his meetings in-person, using a disguise voice and I think changed his color(?)…

As for the amount of money he probably spent setting up the World Grand Prix as a sham… Well if the 2020s have taught us anything is that being a billionaire doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a genius.

I’m not saying Miles Axlerod my favorite, but I kind like him in the historical sense of animation production and writing, what he’s meant to represent in the movie itself, and for shallow reason of silly/scary fanfics about him. Like in the same way people use Prince Hans (no super powers or soft/sad boy-ism, but manipulation, charm, wealth, and privilege).

💚 I liked crashing into Mia and Tia on the Cars video game because it kind of gave me a glimpse of their personalities. Surprisingly they are different. Mia is more aggressive with her yelling and whining and has more lines than Tia (in the video game). Mia also has a slightly deeper voice than Tia. Tia is more likely to compliment herself (self confidence queen) and whine.

I don’t get why people assume they’re teenagers. Not only is that gross for Lightning… but Mater too since they’re in his tall tales as girls to impress.

Sarge is the underrated hero. Despite calling Fillmore a tree hugger, he clearly distrusts Axlerod’s history of being an oil tycoon enough to switch Allinol with Fillmore’s fuel at the last minute. He may call not trust Fillmore’s organic fuel, but he cares about McQueen’s safety than his bias. There’s also this line Mater said in Cars 3 that while Luigi and Guido were Lightning, they put Sarge and Fillmore in charge of the tire shop. Fillmore gave all the tires away and Sarge was hunting them back down because… you don’t just do that with someone else’s merchandise.

But at the same time, casually brings a cannon to a party when Fillmore asked:

Also aren’t Mia and Tia suppose to be teenagers?

Lightning’s really creepy now...

@singlespeedz But it looks like they already have their lights off before they flash him . Can cars install the pop up lights on themselves. Tity implants

Christmas Movies Ranked by How Anti-Capitalist They Are

It’s a Wonderful Life

Movies that make you want to pick a fight with the 1% and also weep with joy. Absolutely a classic and anti-capitalist at its very core. Will convince you we need to start oppressing landlords again.

“Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about… they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle.”

SAY THAT!!! George Bailey said fuck landlords, all my homies hate landlords, they have NO rights. Local man believes poor people are human, dedicates his life to helping them, and in his time of the need literally the whole town comes together to support him and his family. Class solidarity ftw!

“Remember no man is a failure who has friends.” Bitch I CRY EVERY GODDAMN TIME. 

10/10

Home Alone

Soundtrack goes hard, the wacky hijinks even harder. 

Loses points because the bandits had a prime opportunity to seize and redistribute some of the wealth from this ritzy Chicago neighborhood and instead they focus their energy on trying to kill an 8-year-old who outsmarts them at every turn.

2/10

Elf

A family favorite in our house. Touches on the overworking and mistreatment of employees through Greenway Press – Walter forced to choose between being with his family on Christmas Eve or losing his job, it’s implied Deb has a pet grooming business on the side to makes ends meet despite being a receptionist at a NY publishing company, etc.

Honestly most of the points come from Jonie’s underrated yet highly relatable storyline. She works in retail, exhausted and cynical towards the high-paced Christmas season which gives her little to no relief or reward, since she’s surviving on ramen noodles and using the employee showers because her water was cut off. Not expanded on enough to be considered a true Marxist piece but the effort is appreciated.

5/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Although the meme is correct in that Rudolph’s red nose becomes desirable only once it proves to be useful, it does get points for exposing the harmful nature of forced conformity and those alienated by these capitalist ideals – Rudolph, Hermie, the island of misfit toys – are given a place to belong despite the perceived “flaws” that before made them undesirable.

Also the elves definitely have a free dental-plan now thanks to Hermie and are hopefully on their way to unionizing. Fucking superb you funky little misfit.

6/10

Klaus (2019)

Turns a member of the bourgeoisie into a man I’d trust to carry my mail. Respect for postal workers this movie contains was ahead of its time.

 No direct takedown of the establishment but a heartwarming message – “A true selfless act always sparks another” bITCH I may be crying – that emphasizes the importance of giving to others even when there is no selfish motivation to do so, which is inherently anti-capitalist.  

8/10

The Santa Clause

Scott Calvin starts as a toy executive who takes part in the commercialization of Christmas. He was probably a business major so automatically loses points.

The Santa dynasty itself seems to operate under the cutthroat rules of the business world where you must overthrow (or in this case, throw him off the roof) the former CEO in order to seize power. 

Elves have not unionized or seized the means of production by the end.

0/10

A Christmas Carol 

THE ORIGINAL. Charles Dickens was not even in the neighborhood of fucking around with this one. CREATED the anti-capitalist Christmas genre!!

Rich man treats his employees like shit and gets terrorized by three ghosts on Christmas Eve. Force him to redistribute his wealth by dragging him through a montage of his most epic fails – oh, hey, remember when your fiancé left you? – and make him listen as all his employees and relatives complain about his stingy ass. 

They end this slideshow by throwing this dude into his own grave. DIRECT ACTION. 

Like damn, the ghosts really said, “If you hoard your resources and ignore those in need when you could directly improve/save lives with no cost to yourself, you will die ALONE and you WILL pay for your crimes in hell.” Literally watching this movie is a catharsis for anyone who is or has been poor and working class. 

I’m including all versions of this movie but a special shout out to the Muppet version because it fucks the hardest. 

100/10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Listen I’m not even in realms of joking with this one. This movie is THE anti-capitalist film of the holiday season. 

WhoVille commercializing Christmas and a fixation on consumer culture to the point where anything and anyONE who cannot be commodified – aka the GRINCH – is alienated? The Whos rediscovering that people should be cherished over material items once it all is stolen and they must confront how empty the holiday has become??

Cindy Lou becoming disillusioned in Christmas – at an age that coincides when many children (those who celebrate Christmas at least) lost belief in Santa and had to wrestle with what the holiday means with the magic gone and they’re more aware of the rampant consumerism that taints the season?? Her resolve to find a meaning that goes beyond material consumption because if a holiday founded on goodwill doesn’t extend that goodwill to everyone, even those society deems undesirable, then what’s the point???

The Grinch despising Christmas because he is unable to participate and isolated from the Whos and also the better qualities within himself? His alienation serving to demonize him further as it allows the public to narrow his valid criticisms of the holiday down to him being different and thus inherently predisposed to evil?? And hmm isn’t it interesting that a LOT of this demonization comes via Mayor Augustus “generously paid for by the tax-payers of Whoville” Maywho, Mr. 1% himself.

The upper vs working class divide evident in the light show competition between Martha May and Betty Lou Who?? The opening scene of the shopping frenzy that mirrors our own consumerist culture and overworking of retail/poster workers??? This entire monologue:

“That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? That’s what it’s always been about. Gifts, gifts… gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I’m saying? In your garbage. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice… the avarice never ends! ‘I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue.’" 

MARXIST KING. MENTION IT ALL.

1000/10

Rip Fanfiction? :(

What do you mean?

I’ll do it!

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Anyways,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TORTURE AND SALLY AND CRUZ! WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM WATCH!

I know I should’ve seen it coming but it still made me scared!

IT’S HELL IT’S HELL IT’S HELL IT’S HELL IT’S HELL IT’S HELL IT’S HELL!!!!!

OH THANKS FOR THE ENDING! I GUESS I’LL JUST ASSUME THE WORST OF HAPPENED TO THE THREE!

Okay...

Mater, call the spies and get a Maui hook and go save your friends,

Holley, get out the taser and shock the minions and help Mater get them out.

Finn, put eighteen holes inside of Axlerod.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRn2jDfsOsQ

Mostly Cars, also Disney and Pixar things

give me a character and i'll answer

do I like them:

5 good qualities:

3 bad qualities:

favourite episode/etc:

otp:

brotp:

ot3:

notp:

best quote:

head canon:

And it all started because some idiot set Sarge on fire and everyone except Fillmore were all too high to know how to through water on him,

lightning KNOWS