James Barnes (Bucky) is your new flatmate and so far living together has not gone very well.
2K.
PART 2
Warnings: Not a smut, kinda soft but with a little bit of spicy. (Eng not my first language.)
You hadn't even been living together for two months and you already couldn't stand that asshole named James Buchanan Barnes. The cost of living in New York was exorbitant and when your flatmate left you alone without a previous notice you had no choice but to accept the first stranger who answered your ad, well the first one who didn't look like a serial killer or a pervert. How wrong you were… Sleeping at night had become impossible, when James didn't bring a girl, he spent the nights tossing and turning in his room. That man didn't know what rest meant. If things went on like that, your bosses were going to throw you out of work, nobody wanted a zombie for an employee.
You needed a way to bring the matter up and make it clear to your flatmate that he had to learn to be less noisy. But how could you look him in the face and tell him that his hoarse moans were keeping you awake at night?
Well ,that morning was going to be the definitive one, during breakfast you would tell him. The night before the blue-eyed man hadn't brought any friend with him, so you wouldn't have to face a naked stranger, just a freshly risen James, with tousled hair, no shirt, and grey sweatpants that left little to the imagination. Shit, if you hated him so much for depriving you of a good night's rest, why did you bite your lip until it almost bled when you were in the same room?
"Good morning," his deep morning voice caught you off guard, making you almost choke with your coffee when he showed up in the kitchen.
“Morning” was the only thing you could mumble, all the determination you had gathered a few minutes before, disappeared in the presence of that man. “I was about to make pancakes, do you want some?” you managed to pull yourself together, your main idea was to soften him up with some treat and then drop the bomb.
“Sure” he accepted, a little suspicious. The fake smile on your face did not go unnoticed. Normally the only thing he got out of you in the mornings was a grunt or two.
You turned your back to him to focus on making breakfast, you just hoped you didn't burn anything, you knew your kindness hadn't gone unnoticed and James was analysing you from head to toe, making your stomach tingle from that intense stare.
You devoured the pancakes in complete silence. In the short time you had lived together you hadn’t found anything in common, so apart from things to do with the rent or the bills, you had nothing to talk about. But Barnes didn't seem to mind, he was too captivated by the way you were sucking on the honey-coated fork, although it didn't escape his notice that you wanted to tell him something, even he could hear the gears in your head turning.
"Just say it." he grunted as your tongue went from playing with the fork to your lips, that game was starting to cause him problems in his sweatpants, and it wasn't easy trying to hide his half-erection.
“Eh?” your innocent expression made him even more upset.
"If you have something to say to me, say it now, I don't have all morning," he sounded more abrupt than he meant it to, but that only made all your pent-up rage of those days come out of your mouth, unfiltered.
"All right, that's what you want... how about you keep your fucking voice down when you bring someone to the flat or better yet, why don't you join one of those sex addiction groups? Because you've got a fucking problem and I'm not going to put up with any more sleepless nights," you blurted out without thinking, your eyes fixed on the blue ones that seemed to open wider and wider with every word that came out of your mouth.
Barnes' astonished face turned into a grin of amusement as he recovered from your speech, "Ohh, honey, I think you're overreacting. You're not jealous that I'm the only one having fun at night, are you?” he took you by your chin, caressing your jawline.
“How dare you?” you slapped him away and you were really close to punch him in his pretty face but you restrained yourself. Revenge sounded better. If he wanted to go the hard way that's how it would be, you were going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
***
You had been chatting with a guy for a few weeks, he was cute but just not interesting enough to want to get to know him more. He had insisted a couple of times to meet and you finally found the reasons to do so. That idiot James was going to have to eat his words. Who did he think he was? The worst thing is that you hadn't been able to stop thinking about Barnes all day. You only wanted to get revenge, right? It had nothing to do with the fact that that caress had left you longing for something you couldn't yet put into words, but your imagination had, and it had given you a very clear picture of what it would be like to have James on top of you. Fuck! You just wanted to forget about it, and focus on your revenge. The date was set up, you and that guy were to meet at a bar near your house, just a little warm up before taking him with you and show Bucky how things worked.
A few hours later you were playing with your Martini. That man was really boring; he only knew to talk about him and his exes. He was so absorbed in himself that he didn't care if you were listening or not and you only could think about running away, but you had already gone too far... With a coy smile you touched his arm and batting your lashes you tried to get his attention. "I know a better place to talk." you said almost without recognizing your own voice. "My flat is very close... What do you say?" you made yourself sick. Why is it that deep down all felt so wrong?
By the time you got to your flat you were shaking in your boots, you were regretting your wonderful idea, but your stubbornness prevented you from letting James get away with it. As soon as you turned the key the last thing you expected to find was your enemy waiting for you to return, or that was the impression you got when your gazes met, Barnes had got up from the sofa and seemed to want to say something to you, but it was enough for the dark-haired man to see your companion for that feeling to disappear. "Who is this guy?" James asked with his worst manners.
"Oh, Hi, I didn't know you'd be home" you lied through your teeth. "We don't want to disturb you, my friend and I will be in my room." you tried to sound as innocent as possible. It's fair to say that you had completely forgotten the guy's name.
"Y/n can I talk to you for a moment?" James approached you, blocking your way to your room, but you didn't have time to dodge him because all you could think about was how good he smelled. Someone had taken a shower and his cologne was knocking out all your common sense. It was lavender and mint, right? At that point the other guy seemed to have ceased to exist.
"We can talk later." you managed to articulate as you came to your senses.
"Don't do this..." he stopped you by grabbing your wrist but not forcibly, just to stop you from running off with that loser. His voice sounded almost the same as always, but if you hadn't been so nervous you would have noticed that his eyes were tinged with desperation.
"Okay, okay, what's going on here?" That big mouth remembered how to talk. The weird vibes you two were giving was too much to handle for his small brain. James stepped away from you and you froze, not knowing what to say. "Is this some weird thing like couples who like to see each other with someone else?" he added, leaving you dumbfounded. Before you could react, your flatmate did.
"Get out of my fucking house!" he imposed, bringing out for the first time the soldier he once was. One of the few things you knew about him was that he was a veteran, but that was something he never used to talk about. His dog tags hanging around his neck gave you an idea.
Then, it all happened so fast that it seemed unreal. Barnes was shoving your date out and he was being more dick than ever. After slamming the door shut, James cornered you against it. "What the fuck was that all about?" he questioned, blocking your escape with his muscular arms. He was pissed off, you could tell by the swollen vein on his forehead and how his breath had become heavier.
"I just wanted to have some fun..." you managed to articulate with your eyes locked on the ground as you were unable to look him in the face, too embarrassed by everything that had just happened. "Besides, I don't owe you any explanation." you dared to add.
"So you want to have fun, right?" he seemed to snap, "I can fix that." his voice lowered a few tones and your whole body shivered when he made you look at him. "You only have to ask nicely..." his gaze looked wolfish and hungry. If he needed a reaction from you to keep going, the way you were biting your lips was enough, but at that point he wanted to make you beg.
“Why should I?” you arched your brows with all the strength you had left. He was driving you crazy, but in a completely different way than before, however you didn't want to give up so easily. Barnes stroked your arm, barely touching you, but immediately causing goose bumps all over your skin.
“Because that's all you can think about since this morning.” he saw right through you, but it didn't save him from being a jerk. That was enough… You were tired of him playing with you.
“Fuck you!” you pushed him with all your might, but before you could get away, he lifted you over his shoulder and carried you to his room. On the way you kicked as much as you could, but it was like hitting a wall. He left you on the edge of his bed, and crouched down in front of you with his hands up, wanting you to know that he was coming in peace. “I know I owe you an apology." he looked genuinely sorry, “This morning I behaved like a dick.”.
“Only this morning?” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze because you knew you would be unable to resist his puppy eyes. James sat down next to you and let out a low snort.
"I know I haven't been the best flatmate." Then he plopped down on the bed and his gaze was lost somewhere on the ceiling. "I have no excuse, but this is the first time I've lived with anyone after leaving the army." he confessed and it felt like that was the first time you had a real conversation. "I guess I've lost my manners."
You dropped down next to him, mirroring him. "Your manners aren't the problem, you just need to stop moaning so loudly," you chuckled to yourself and rolled onto your side to make yourself more comfortable, finding yourself face to face with James. You felt your cheeks flush, you had never seen Barnes like that before, without that armour that seemed to accompany him everywhere he went. "I'll try my best." he laughed with you.
You let silence fall between both of you and just stared at each other. Without really knowing how, the distance between you was getting shorter, your eyes kept going back and forth from James' eyes to his lips, he seemed to notice and with a soft grin in his face he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.
-Trillium by Louise Gluck
Prelude, Brynne Rebele-Henry
Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke’s Book of Hours
*writing in my diary using a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity
Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak; “Concerns from a hot-boxed jeep”
[Text ID: “How do I stop / carrying everything / that had ever / happened to me?”]
need a fleabag rewatch desperately and soon. to deal with this horrible feeling that i am a. greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can't even call herself a feminist. or something.
— Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963”
I didn’t want them to see my face… Hiding like I was a sinner walking among holiness… Like they could read all my wrongs written on my skin and felt the heaviness of my broken wings where they once used to be… Like I hadn’t any right to be here… -P