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The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:

the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”

That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”

oh, that hurt

I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots

the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life

on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious

I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was

The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”

God.

for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again

it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”

i made a character uquiz. i 100% promise you that you will get a character you know AND like

My best friend loves rob pattinson and over the years she sent me a lot of articles/quotes of him, so here are some of my favourites

(there is A LOT more, this man is INSANE)

Bonus:

We all know this site is US-user heavy, but I wanna know how many are vs aren't from the land of capitalism.

there's a specific subset of fans who headcanon pete to have curtwen grandparents and while i see the vision it's a little funny like yeah my grandpa invented the computer my other grandpa is a world-famous spy who tried to stop him from doing that and almost killed him they've been married ever since. my dad sells women's shoes

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berverly marsh my be-fucking-loved

he really likes ice age. i have proof that came to me in a vision. sam winchester is canonically not with dean while 4 of the films are playing in theatres and you see what they are trying to tell us is that while he is not with dean, sam will pay money to go watch ice age at the movies.

ice age (2002) comes out while sam has run away to stanford. ice age: the great meltdown (2006) is airing while sam and dean separate in the scarecrow episode. ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs (2009) is in cinemas while he and dean have their big fight in season 5 and sam works at a bar. ice age: continental drift (2012) is out 2 months after dean goes to purgatory.

it is unknown what sam is up to when ice age 5 comes out. my guess is that he pirated it on his laptop in his room at the bunker after getting tortured by the men of letters. if you even care.

The darkness will spare my soul.