I Am Not Ugly.

torn apart.

forever you say,

but not till the end, right ?

I am trying to convince myself.

It ain't fault.

It wasn't my fault.

I couldn't run. I just couldn't.

I wish i had though.

I wish i was brave like they all think.

I Wish i wasn't a coward.

The Sun & the Moon

By: Bazeleyez

23/06/2024

You rise with the sun

Shimmering brightly for all to see

No one can escape your glimmering rays of light

Illuminating the skies with warmth

I rise with the moon

I glow quietly in the dark

Waiting patiently in the wings of the night

Standing by casting nothing but a shadow

And next to me you became an eclipsed sun

The darkness that cloaks my night was unknown by you

You who has only ever known the light

And because you are perfectly complete

You had everything to lose

Even so, I am battered, broken, and bruised

I had nothing left to lose, but you

Because I cannot shine without my muse

And you won't know how to carry on

When the light fades away and the clouds roll in

You'll cower away in the inky black sky

As the truths you evaded stare back at you

But for me this darkness is all I've ever known

I never had the pleasure of running from my unrest

There is no one who will hold me in their arms

All that surrounds me is a blanket filled with distant stars

All I ever wanted was you

But you who used to gleam so bright

Left me to hang in the night sky

And I no longer want to be casting shadows

From the sunlight you emit

So I will cross the line, I will defy gravity

I will search all of heaven and Earth

In hopes to find the solace I could not find in you

My thoughts,

they terrify me.

You can have everything, and still be broken.

i was today years old when i realized that we don't have to be the same person everyday, we can always be a completely different person tomorrow; we can change our aesthetics, our interests or what makes us us. we haven't owed anyone to be the same on a daily basis we can change constantly. this is us putting ourselves in brackets or definition or whatever you call it.

I have been wondering,

if its my fault that she is becoming a monster.

and if it is me, i might be doing a good job.

and it scares me.

Untitled 15/7/24

Writing and rewriting the same lines,

Over and over again,

Thinking, That’s awful, this is awful, why can’t you write something good for once.

For once? Something good for once?

If it’s as awful as you’re saying it is,

Why do(es) literally everybody you know who you show it to,

And even people you “know” superficially via social media and one shared interest,

Praise it constantly?

And why do even the most unpolished of first drafts receive that same praise?

Maybe you’re actually a decent author & poet?

Ever think of that?

-oaks

I haven’t told anyone. But I am really tired. I am lonely and really exhausted. I don't have bad days or good days anymore. They all just feel the same. Sometimes when I lay in bed, I imagine these black clouds so huge, they would swallow me. Some other times, it feels as though my skin is infected with millions of parasites. I am scared. I can’t talk. I can’t talk.

hope. Hope is the most agonizing feeling i've ever felt.