Queenbean92 - The Bean

autumn bridge

God am I ever not going to get the short end of the stick in like every scenario in my life? Really. Just want to give up

Johannapolle

Only Yesterday (1991)

Me

I don't handle bipolar, double standards, people very well at all. If something isn't black and white or let's say honest and blunt then I won't get that someone is beating around the bush. I take their words for their words. So people who are in my life that are those 2 things tend to get upset with me when I dont acknowledge they were unhappy, mad, annoyed, or whatever because I don't care to play that game of having to try that hard when they can literally just say what's up. That's who I am, always have been. I'll be up front with anyone and expect they do the same. It's not hard even when I tell those people 100 times to just be blunt with me no matter if they think it's mean or anything.

Gosh this has caused so many issues among people in my life. Wish everyone would understand I'm that simple. And I will not put effort into "reading between the lines" just to figure out what someone is really trying to say. Exhausting.

Then among that and the bipolar-ness a lot tend to be super double standards with me. And that is very unfair and not "friends". When they've done shady and shitty things to me but try to play it off somehow as a situation of "helping me" or such. I am going to cut ties very soon with these individuals. Frankly I don't see them changing, never the less caring if I brought it all to their attention. More likely they'll get furious and mean. And at the moment I need them due to drugs. But hoping to get clean as soon as I can to start making these healthier changes. Then I wonder after I stop communication with them out of the blue, if they'll even notice my absence? If they'll try to reach out at all?

Most likely no. 1 out of 100 chance of that is -0. I know these "friends" could care less about me. They are shady every time, find something to be upset about, always trying to con me out of money.

Sad part is I use to really like the girl. As friends. We were good friends for a little while. Then all of this begun. Found out she really doesn't care and seldom times I do see her, I find out later that she got upset about multiple things in that time by receiving a text from her boyfriend going off on me about it.

Again wish she would've just told me in that moment if something pissed her off. But if I confront her face to face she half lies. Saying "ya I just thought that was kinda messed up but it's really not a big deal". When obviously it was. I'm going to confront her 1 more time before I cut ties. Just something I need to get out.

People tire me and confuse me. Wondering why usually everything has to be so complicated and fake. This is why I stopped trying to make friends or keep up with anyone. Because no one cares to do the same or if they do it's to get shit from me.

That's okay really. I like being alone, not having to deal with this. The right friends hopefully will come around someday soon

Photo's taken on Red Dead Redemption 2 online. Characters shown are my boyfriend and his friends.

Such a beautiful and magnificent game! Will continue to share photo's!