R-cabrera - R. Cabrera

Brain dump of today because I've been having a shitty week

Since some time ago, I've been feeling like my friends always ignore me, make fun of me, or try to get something from me (gifts, money, food, class notes, others stuff)

To set some examples: on Tuesday, one of them took a photo of me when i wasn't looking, edited it, and posted it online as a meme. On any other time, I would've laughed, but I was already in a bad mood, so when she told me, "Is it noticeable that I'm bored?" I couldn't even fake laugh and answered "Yes, and a lot" in the most annoyed voice I have ever heard from myself.

I was so mad at her for posting it. But j think it was a mistake from my part because I didn't telk her to stop, so I think she believes she didn't do anything wrong.

On Wednesday, I skipped classes so i could do son stuff at home. i didn't tell them I wasn't going until one of them (not the picture girl, the other one) asked if I was going, like an hour and a half after class started.

Yesterday, Thursday, they asked me to buy some stuff for a model we were going to photograph, but I didn't know what to buy. So I asked them before arriving at school. But they didn't answer, I kept asking until "message girl" told me "idk" so I answered, "I don't think they have that at the store, but I'll ask" I ended up buying a juice, a bottle of water and some chocolates. But j still was mad because they had already bought a juice and some cheetos. They haven't payed me, but meh.

A lot has happened, but i just needed to vent

Princess of Gotham

Chapter 1: Eclipse

Gotham, the city of crime. Where you could be assaulted at every corner. You live in fear of death to more than one psychopath.

Among the shadows of those alleys lit only by the moon and the streets little-traveled wandered with total tranquility, or at least disguised fear.

I did not bother anyone, but everyone bothered me, even the huge sign in the sky for the bat, for the savior of this city.

I stopped as soon as I spotted a motorcycle, and not just any motorcycle, looking for the owner. And, knowing that it had a burglar alarm, I took the shadow and moved it a little, so that in a few seconds, he came out of the fifth-floor bar on the other side of the street.

A tall, black-haired man, quite tall and quite drunk, ran out as soon as he heard that annoying noise coming from his motorcycle. And as soon as he realized who was responsible for interrupting his peace of mind, he relaxed his muscles and put an adorable smile on his face.

-If you wanted to talk to me you would have called, texted, or sent a postcard, you didn't have to cause me to go into cardiac arrest on a Friday night.- said Jason Todd, as he pulled the keys out of the bike and turned off the alarm.

-It's good to see you too, Father.- I replied. I sat down on the sidewalk, making room for the man who had adopted me years ago to join me, in a silence that was not at all uncomfortable, just admiring the street lights.

-When did you arrive?- I asked him, restraining my desire to hug him. It had been a long time since I had seen him. One day he took his things and left, leaving me alone. And as soon as I found out he was in town, I couldn't help looking for him in the places he frequented most.

-About two hours ago, I didn't know if you were at Wayne Manor, at the apartment, or with Major Arcana*.- he replied as he took a pack of cigarettes out of his leather jacket and then threw it on the floor.

After a few years of taking care of me, Todd started to give up some habits that were harmful to him, because they also affected me. But some things are hard to give up.

His little Jane Todd. The biological daughter of Oscar Hart, a not so well-known but very dangerous criminal. That cruel man had left me in an orphanage after my mother was murdered in front of us when I was just 6 years old.

I spent many years in that place, with little food, not sleeping well, getting sick every month, running away at night, and stealing from convenience stores so my friends wouldn't suffer from hunger, 6 years passed until a strange man arrived at the orphanage, greeting the owner of that place as if they had known each other for years.

An attack on that place by an enemy of Red Hood, almost ended my life, being wounded by that guy. From that day on Jason decided to give me his last name and gave me all the protection that the second son of Bruce Wayne could have.

-What are you thinking about?- Jason asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. It's not like I don't dive into my mind very often, but he more than anyone else knew what inner demons were.

-I thought about what my life would be like if you hadn't adopted me four years ago.- I replied. -I was just checking to see if you had arrived and if you were okay.- I stood up and shook out my pants. I put a hand in the pocket of my sweatshirt, reaching for the copy of the keys he had forgotten, and gave them to him. -Olive invited me to the Mansion, apparently, they are having a little sleepover, tomorrow morning I will go to the apartment.

-I'll take you there. I need some documents I forgot in my room and I need to talk to Bruce.- Jason said as he got up and took the keys out of the motorcycle.

-But I'm driving.

-No

-You're a bad driver.

-No

-If I fall off in the middle of the road it's your fault.

Next part

Note: I used a translator for this, if there's anything wrong, feel free to tell me. I don´t have the long dash in my laptop's keyboard so, sorry for that

Mira mi perfil en Wattpad, soy R. Cabrera https://www.wattpad.com/Rochely1702?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_profile -𝐸𝑙 𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒 𝑑𝑒 𝑛𝑜 𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑎𝑗𝑎𝑟 𝑒𝑛 𝑒𝑙 𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑜, 𝑦 𝑛𝑜 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑎𝑟 𝑑𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑑𝑎𝑑. Aburrida de la física. Sálvenme de la escuela. Estoy a un año de acabar la prepa y todavía no se que carrera estudiar

I mean, for me it's a yes.

But I think in canon Remus had the potion (really don't remember the name) that kept him conscious during his transformation, so he should have remembered that. Maybe he did remember and just kept silent.

But once again, for me it's a yes.

so, i've got a question: when Remus lupin was teaching at Hogwarts and went on full werewolf on full moon, did Sirius black accompanied him like old times in his animagus form?

Please say yes

Solo te vi una vez

Solo te vi una vez, y ya soñaba contigo

Solo me hablaste una vez y ya imaginaba tu mano contra la mía.

Solo me saludaste una vez y en mi mente vagaba todos los temas de los que podríamos hablar

Y mientras más me hablabas más sentía mi mente vagar por esos escenarios.

Y luego la ansiedad atacaba.

¿Y si solo me hablaste por culpa?

¿Y si solo me saludaste porque al final necesitabas algo?

¿Y si todo esto es solo tu forma de sacar algo de mi?

Tu forma de manipularme hasta que este a tus pies y haga todo lo me digas que haga.

Tu forma de demostrar que siempre dejaré que me pisoteen.

Y luego tu mensaje llega y todo parece dejar de existir.

La ansiedad, los escenarios imaginarios.

¿Me estaré enamorando de ti o de la ilusión?

Aquella que me gusta porque me hace sentir bien.

Me hace sentir que finalmente valgo algo.

Que no soy solo una más en el sistema.

Y luego me pides que te ayude en algo.

Me pides que hagamos la tarea juntos y no me niego porque tener finalmente la compañía de otra persona me hace sentir bien

Pero el mismo pensamiento vuelve a mi mente.

Imagino nuevamente el dolor del rechazo.

¿Como será mi vida en cuanto me dejes de hablar?

Y si escuchas esos rumores de la gente, ¿Qué pensaras de mi?

¿Dejaras de hablarme o fingirás nunca haberlos escuchado?

¿O los aceptaras y me dirás a la cara lo mierda de persona que soy? Y te iras y yo estaré igual que al principio, sola.

Fría en mis profesiones y en mis amistades

Modificando un poco la famosa línea de Hamilton

Y al igual que el, fingiendo darle importancia mínima a las relaciones personales.

Tratando de mantenerme libre de cualquier atadura en particular.

Y mantener mi felicidad independiente de los caprichos de otros.

Si llegas a irte estaré nuevamente preguntándome cuando es que llegara una persona que verdaderamente se quede conmigo.

Me dirán manipuladora al final de este texto.

Pero créeme que la media noche es cuando más sincera me vuelvo

Porque mi mente es tan débil que no descansa.

Y pienso en tanto que no duermo tranquila.

Y espero que después de todo esto, si alguna vez descubres quien escribió esto, y que era para ti, no te vayas.

Quédate y asegurarme que nunca te vas a ir.

Solo hazme creer por unos segundos que he dejado de estar sola.

Y déjame verte una vez mas

Pensamientos de media noche

So, as I'm not doing my writing stuff here (except for quick poems), I think the correct thing would be to introduce myself

My name is Rochely or Roch for short. I'm 20 years old

I go by she/they pronouns. And I'm bisexual

I'm originally from the US but I moved to Mexico when I was little

I like to write, paint, and take photos, and I enjoy learning astronomical and astrological stuff. I also study grapfic design

My birth chart is something like:

Sun in Aquarius, Rising in Virgo and Moon in Capricorn.

I just want a partner that can understand me and all the stuff I talk about

LGBTQ+ is accepted in this blog

I constantly post random stuff, from art, to batfam, to history and more.

I'm brain dumping here mainly and on my Threads account. I'll link it later.

I use two Instagram accounts, a personal and my design stuff, also linked

For my writing stuff (the novels), you can visit my other blog @rochs-c

I don't know why I always remember those moments... Am I still afraid of having a couple? Am I sacred of telling them I'm demi or asexual? Am I actually sacred of even thinking about having a couple?

I don't know, I only only want to erase those moments. I want to give me a chance or the person that likes me. But im scared that those things can happen again, even with totally different people.

I don't know why I have the luck that every person I get to have genuine interest in ends up being shit at the end.

I'm scared to like someone because they might end like the others.

Why am I scared of someone having a crush on me? What is it impossible for me to believe that something like that can happen?

Why am I scared of even thinking about a kiss? There's nothing wrong with it, but why am I scared?

A little poem, or brain dump poem, that one of my friends wrote and gave me authorization to publish here

;-;

Marcel/Compass *on his first week on the team*: why is there blood everywhere???

Cheis: i may have aggressively poked someone with a knife

Marcel: yoU STABBED SOMEONE

Cheis: no no no, i aggressively poked them with a knife

Magic candles on Christmas containers

I had a breakdown, and I'm not writing it here so I can take your pity, it won't solve my life my passing problems, or even my undiagnosed depression. I'm here only to vent because I have no one to talk to and I feel like the more I keep it in the faster I will explode.

I had a breakdown, i started crying in the middle of my mom's living room, realizing how different I was from when I left this home two years ago, and suddenly, everything started to feel more real.

I cried the tears I had kept hidden behind my eyelids back when I had to apologize to my supposed friends for being bad at jokes, for acting cold with them, for being dramatic, for being too much, for being who I am and who I thought I had lost back in those two years of seclusion. I had to embarrass myself, to beg for a little attention from them because it seemed like they fed from it. They enjoyed ignoring me just so I could go crawling back to them. I apologized for not being able to be handled with.

Every single day I come to realize just how narcissistic they have been, how much they've broken me. How many things do I have to suffer to keep calling them my friends?

First and time I apologize for being myself, especially to people who joke about suicide every single day