Oh And When Florence Welch Said: „is This How It Is? Is This How It's Always Been? To Exist In The

missing you michael, i want to reach out to tell you i still cared so deeply for you. but i can’t, you don’t want that. so i won’t. just know that i miss you and that i’m sorry my emotions run so deep.

i wish i wasn’t like this. i’m sorry that i cant stop missing you. i wish you gave me a chance to make things right.

i miss her. so much that i can’t sleep at night anymore. nor can i shake the lead from my bones. i don’t know what to do- there’s nothing i can do but feel the pain wash over me like the waves crashing right outside my window tonight.

the way i see blake looking back at me in the mirror and i can’t even be bothered to care right now.

oh the things i wish i could tell him LMFAO

i had a cat. through everything i had a cat. i don’t have the cat anymore, and everything sucks.

i wish i still had michael. right now he would let me talk about the weight of the world that is currently squeezing the life out of my very lungs- until i physically could no longer keep my eyes open and it turned some ungodly hour of the night. he would hear my deepest darkest fears, he would hear how i have to face them to make the right decision, he wouldn’t make me do it alone like i currently have to. he would stand outside in the rain, or pick me up a pint of ice cream from three hours away, or just take me on a drive into utter oblivion. he would let me lay my head on his lap in the backseat of his car, or he’d help me grab a blanket to go stare at the stars, and he wouldn’t complain about how my tears are soaking into his clothes yet again when he finally coaxed me to talk about it all.

he would stand by me until i felt like i could stand on my own again.

i hate this. i cant do this on my own. i don’t have anyone who could let me talk this out in the way that i need to. i don’t even know what i would say, but with him the words would just tumble straight from my heart right out of my mouth.

i need that safe space, i don’t know how to ask someone to do that- i don’t even know if you could.

no because this disorder SUCKS ASS. i read a heartbreaking fanfic and now i’m so fucking sad i want to die so i can stop feeling so fuxking SAD

that writer deserves everything they have ever wanted in life, that was the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve read in a while holy fuck

sometimes i worry that people think i’m a furry for all of the dog imagery. it’s more about how bpd makes you feel subhuman, that it rots your brain and turns you into some wild animal. not that being a furry wouldn’t be dope as fuck, but that’s not me i’m just mentally ill and like symbolism.

me when i’m off my meds lol

when you're a child and you stay up past your bedtime you get punished by your parents, when you're an adult and you stay up too late you just get punished by the ghosts and spirits and demons and such

i just wish to be perceived as gentle and kind. that’s it, that is truly all i want.

it hurts to know this will never be.