I Wish I Still Had Michael. Right Now He Would Let Me Talk About The Weight Of The World That Is Currently
i wish i still had michael. right now he would let me talk about the weight of the world that is currently squeezing the life out of my very lungs- until i physically could no longer keep my eyes open and it turned some ungodly hour of the night. he would hear my deepest darkest fears, he would hear how i have to face them to make the right decision, he wouldn’t make me do it alone like i currently have to. he would stand outside in the rain, or pick me up a pint of ice cream from three hours away, or just take me on a drive into utter oblivion. he would let me lay my head on his lap in the backseat of his car, or he’d help me grab a blanket to go stare at the stars, and he wouldn’t complain about how my tears are soaking into his clothes yet again when he finally coaxed me to talk about it all.
he would stand by me until i felt like i could stand on my own again.
i hate this. i cant do this on my own. i don’t have anyone who could let me talk this out in the way that i need to. i don’t even know what i would say, but with him the words would just tumble straight from my heart right out of my mouth.
i need that safe space, i don’t know how to ask someone to do that- i don’t even know if you could.
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no because this disorder SUCKS ASS. i read a heartbreaking fanfic and now i’m so fucking sad i want to die so i can stop feeling so fuxking SAD
that writer deserves everything they have ever wanted in life, that was the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve read in a while holy fuck
lmfao
You gave up on me Michael. A naive part of me still believes you’re a short drive away, because I can’t believe you’d just leave without saying goodbye.
scene queen sounds sm better at 100+ mph <3
i’m going to start screaming and crying pretty soon. like i am so SO tired of caring SO much for people who don’t even have the courtesy to officially end things.
i just keep getting abandoned over and over and over again and i will end up in the psych ward oh my god.
i just want time to stop, i want some weed and for life to wait until i can catch up. but it cant, and it could take me years to figure it all out, and i have to be sober against my own will.
three hours later and i was in literal tears about how unfair it is that i have to work so hard to be a person. this Borderline shit got HANDS
i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3
i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.
her name is Laura. and i failed her and my bad brain forgot her name for so long. i’m so sorry Laura, i am.
i'm sorry for the awful audio of the spoken word, i am not sorry for my emotion.
✩ 21 ✩ bpd, bipolar, & cptsd diagnosed ✩ helpol ✩ “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”
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