i miss you my dear michael. more than words could ever say. i need you right now, i wish i could just reach out and know you’d be there. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry for whatever i did and i wish i could make it better. i would if you’d just tell me. you’d say to jump at this point and id just ask how high.
i still love you, i still care. i hope you’re out there in the world killing it like you somehow always do. you are the smartest person i know, with both logic and compassion. you always will be.
i look for you in everyone. i hope that sometimes you look up and see the stars and still think of me. i hope you realize that for now we’re still under the same sky- so there’s time. there will always be time for us to fix things. i want to, i wish you did too.
i love you, i miss you.
-your little sister lucifer <3
This is the most in-your-face sign i have ever received in my time devoting myself to the Gods. I’ve gone to school here for two years, never have i seen any birds sit on that building (i’m a big bird watcher on campus), let alone like 30 giant vultures.
I see you Ares!! Our Gods are good :)
i just want to give up. i’m tired of being damaged goods n hurting everyone accidentally.
this whole being 14 thing is so lame. like girl get a grip that was 5 years ago.
something visceral about my mom sadly looking at me and quietly saying “do you think your dad would have done the same if it was you instead of your sister?”
sometimes the validation that i am and will always be the scapegoat child hurts
“how will i ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering? straight and fast.”
alaska knew what was up. i’m already in the shit of recovery. i’ve hit the point where it’s getting bad now before it gets better. i can’t go back and i can’t stay feeling the way i do right now, because i cannot take it anymore.
straight and fast and i will get out of this labyrinth.
the stress hallucinations are back along with the most violent escapism known to man and me and my dad got into it the other day. you never really get past age 14 huh?
i say this shit and literally a day later am doing not very well at all. god i hate the constant shifts and mood swings
it’s 5am and i’m listening to the birds chirping, i hear my breath, and the soft indie music that always is coming from my phone. i note that there is pink in the sunrise this morning and that i do not dread the day ahead of me like i have for my entire life.
the work is noticeable sometimes, proper therapy and medication pays off.
better off without you michael- you’re just my eternal sunshine </3
wish i could see luc like i used to,, they put me on too many meds and now he’s just a voice in my head sometimes. like??? give me my friend back???? pls n thanks????
tonight the black hole where my heart is supposed to be feels as if it will eat me alive.
✩ 21 ✩ bpd, bipolar, & cptsd diagnosed ✩ helpol ✩ “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”
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