This Is The Most In-your-face Sign I Have Ever Received In My Time Devoting Myself To The Gods. I’ve

bpd is a bitch.

i forgot how fucking delulu i get over this specific person. i need to just be fucking shot.

“how will i ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering? straight and fast.”

alaska knew what was up. i’m already in the shit of recovery. i’ve hit the point where it’s getting bad now before it gets better. i can’t go back and i can’t stay feeling the way i do right now, because i cannot take it anymore.

straight and fast and i will get out of this labyrinth.

curiosity the cat strikes yet again. god i hate everything

I have found a writing that i truly think all hellenic polytheists should be required to read.

Lowell Sun

Thinking outside Pandora’s box

Many of us have heard references to the Greek mythological tale of Pandora’s box. Without often knowing its origins, many have used the expr

I was so moved that I had to write a thank you email immediately after I had processed everything.

These hardships of life were a gift, Lord Zeus is not a vengeful God who hates humanity (Though i’m sure those Zeus devotees out there already knew this)

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If you want to read my takeaways please do read below the email I sent. This piece was truly inspiring and insightful.

(1.30.23) - head hanging out the second story window, i let the strawberry smoke fill my lungs. i glance at my watch. 120. it hasn’t lowered all day. i tell myself that it’s just a bad day, that i’ll quit again tomorrow.

the pennsylvanian winter chill hits my face when the breeze blows. there’s a bird calling that i recognize but can’t quite place right now. texts from my only two friends lay unanswered because i don’t know how to tell them what i’m feeling.

i silently wonder if the devil ever feels cursed. if he too sometimes didn’t have the strength in him, because being rotten at the core is truly exhausting.

an ache of pain disturbs the thought. the all consuming anxiety follows. this semester feels as if it will kill me. learning to walk again while desperately trying to memorize an entire taxonomic language is just too much.

i try to glamorize it, to revel in the tasks the women in my books love. to tell myself that this is the life of a girl in the scribe quadrant, that dragons are real and true love exists.

my cat jumps up, she sticks her head out too and sniffs the breeze. she is the only solace my soul finds these days, her and the fluffy stories i fill my head with when i try to outrun these thoughts. the ones where i have a friend group who loves me like family and a man who sees the stars in my eyes. the stories where i am not seen as a monster, but as gentle and kind.

i want to die, to be quite honest. i am in the wrong reality. there is no found family waiting for me, nor a man to write me letters assuring me that i am nothing but angelic golden light. there is just fatherly pain and the weight of the world on my shoulders.

there’s a lot of things that i wish people saw about me but don’t. i wish people saw past my few episodes where i succumb to my symptoms. i wish people saw just how much i want to be good, to not be the way i feel i was cursed to be. i wish people saw that i pray for random people on tiktok going through hard things, and bawl my eyes out every time something sad hits my fyp. i wish people saw that i love stories and storytelling to get me through all that i’ve gone through. i wish people saw me as kind and caring and gentle and beautiful. i wish people saw how hard i try, in all aspects of my life. i wish people saw me in any way other than this horrible, mentally ill, unfeeling monster. i wish i wish i wish.

strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3

venting and oversharing to the void for a sec:

i try my hardest to be like “yay healing!!” but idk trauma work is hard. fanfic and fandom culture got me through the worst of the worst moments of my life. it’s alarming, because this past year i somewhat now have a life that isn’t unbearable to be present in. but today i find my brain needing to be anywhere but in the real world.

i’m 16 again, filling my head with fluffy stories where i’m not this deeply traumatized girl and things all turn out perfectly. being 16 does not feel good.