Just Talk To Me. For Once. I Just Want To Know What You’re Thinking One Last Time.

‘prescribed destruction’ - 2.13.23

what if i like, just started manifesting that he came back? :D

(yes this is about who we all think this is about lmfao, im pathetic and need to speak to my therapist)

venting and oversharing to the void for a sec:

i try my hardest to be like “yay healing!!” but idk trauma work is hard. fanfic and fandom culture got me through the worst of the worst moments of my life. it’s alarming, because this past year i somewhat now have a life that isn’t unbearable to be present in. but today i find my brain needing to be anywhere but in the real world.

i’m 16 again, filling my head with fluffy stories where i’m not this deeply traumatized girl and things all turn out perfectly. being 16 does not feel good.

oh my god and don’t even get me started on this OTHER girl who was my other soulmate on earth. from halloweens, to fake dating, and ice skating lessons after sleepy breakfasts.

i miss her, i hate that i threw up distance because she was leaving me and i hated her for it. i wish we could have had more time together, i wish distance didn’t force us apart.

pink bath, pink wine, pink vape, pink girl

sometimes trauma processing is weird and you have to write about some ancient old man, but whatever works i guess

vent post about dying young and being a bad dog: an unofficial writing

i am so different, i wish the people of my past could see that and give me just a couple more chances to change. all i want is a friend before i die of some stupid heart defect. for now, literature is my safe space once again,

bpd is a bitch.

i forgot how fucking delulu i get over this specific person. i need to just be fucking shot.