All MXTX novels are just about one outwardly put-together, inwardly screaming mess of a man and his emotional support war criminal.
man its so funny that xie lian was taught how to ignore the desires towards women but not men making him a walking gay disaster in front of hua cheng.
also the first reaction that xie lian has when he realises he is gay is not an identity crisis but he straight up blames his teacher for not teaching what to do in front of such an attractive man. 🤣