Rlacodus - @_@

Random Incorrect Quotes and Vibes from the Bleach AU I will probably never write (Rukia is killed by Aizen and them in the SS arc)

—-

Ichigo: *feral teenager with slightly cat-like tendencies because of his hollow*

Shinji: 

Sakanade in his head: M I N E

…

Shinji: *explaining the inner hollow and everything that happened with Aizen and how they trained their hollows*

Ichigo: *a nerd who likes literarture and knows exactly what werewolves are*

Ichigo: Can I say something–

Shinji: *has questioned his reality more than once because of this kid’s weird questions* NO–

…

Ichigo: *goes to his inner world to see why the fuck Shiro is constantly screaming in his ear*

Shiro: *leaning over his body omniously with his big smile because he has been seperated from Ichigo for so long and this is the first time they’ve interacted without Old Man Zangetsu getting in the way so he’s happy*

Ichigo: wtfwtfwtf–

…

Shiro: *a feral tiny cat that likes to fight too much*

Sakanade: *a feral big cat the puts him in air jail*

Benihime: *the sadistic instigator*

….

Karin: *snooping through Ichigo’s room because she’s worried and finds Rukia’s asauchi*

Karin: *touching Rukia’s sword after Ichigo told her what happened and feeling a weird jolt or reiatsuand urge to keep it*

Ichigo: *who felt the reiatsu* …

Karin:…

Karin: I have been CHOSEN–

Ichigo: NO–

…

Ichigo: What do you have there?

Karin: A Zanpakuto!

Ichigo: NO!

…

Karin: *facing a hollow while Ichigo was at the SS and losing*

Kangetsu (her Zanpakuto): cAN YoU hEAr mE?

…

Hitsugaya: *looks vaguely like her Zanpakuto spirit*

Karin: *softly* Holy shit

…

Ichigo: Goodnight moon.

Ichigo: Goodnight tree. Ichigo: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

…

Karin: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Isshin: *Joking* Not if they consent to it

Ichigo: *Serious* Depends on who you’re stabbing

Yuzu: *the one sane non-soul reaper in the family* YES?!

…

Ichigo: *walking into his room* Hello people who do not live here

Renji: Hey

Ikkaku: Hi

Yumichika: Hello

Rangiku: Hey!

Ichigo: You’re only supposed to come here for emergencies!

Renji: We were out of Doritos *they’re on a mission, he’s just fucking with him*

…

Orihime: I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name hime?

Ishida: *scared of snakes* You did WHAT–

Ichigo: William Snakespeare

…

Renji: *while they were going to save Rukia* This is such a bad idea

Ichigo: Then why are you coming along?

Renji: One of us needs to be able to talk the Gotei out of arresting us when this goes wrong

…

Ichigo: Do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Ishida: You’re a hazard to society

Renji: And a coward. Do twenty

…

Orihime: If I were a drink, I’d be a strawberry vanilla coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?

Ichigo: Bleach (PUN FULLY INTENDED XD)

Keigo: *he found out ichigo and Chad didn’t fail like him* Sewage

Orihime: *concern*

Tatsuki: Calm down edgelords

…

Okay, that’s it

Some of these were canon, some of these were just random shit from my fic that i might never write

completed series-

Do you hate yourself? (hotch centric)

Why do you hate yourself?

Who do you think hates you?

No one hates you except for you

Not everyone hates him

You should hate yourself (Alternative ending)

Chasing Cars (hotch x male oc)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

College AU (hotch centric with side couples)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Epilogue

Winning a Battle, Losing the War (hotch centric)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Alternative Ending

work in progress-

His Feelings for Him (hotch x morgan)

Part one, Part two

the warnings and summaries are in each fic.

I'm a slut for your oblivious couple 'verse. also I'm a slut for steve's tiny waist and slim hips. and imagine bucky always put his arm around steve's waist. I mean, he used to put his arm around tiny!steve's shoulder, but it'd be a bit uncomfortable because steve is much taller now. so waist then. totally oblivious that he looks like a possesive boyfriend. and doesn't understand the other avengers' sighing and eye-rolling. because they are not a couple. XD

omgosh yes :D

And Bucky putting his hand at the small of Steve’s back. Sometimes it’s when they’re in the kitchen and Bucky needs to get something outta the cabinet above Steve’s head, sometimes it’s when they’re out and about or at a gala and Bucky is guiding Steve through the crowds.

When they’re eating – either out or with the others – Bucky probably does put his arm around the back of Steve’s chair. Everyone has to sit through a meal pretending that Bucky doesn’t play with Steve’s hair or put his hand around the back of Steve’s neck whenever Steve leans back.

Harder still to ignore is the way Steve kinda just melts into a puddle of happy vibes every time it happens.

In reference to this post, I do legitimately wonder what exactly Nick Fury’s expectations of Steve were.

Assuming his two primary sources for Steve Rogers Anecdotes were Howard and Peggy (and I think they were), there’s no way he would have gotten anything approaching an accurate account for who Steve was as a person.

I honestly don’t think Howard knew Steve well.  All his reminiscences are going to be fundamentally colored by the fact that, despite the epiphany he comes to in the S1 finale of Agent Carter (he says something like, ‘he was good before I got my hands on him, wasn’t he?’), Steve’s successes as Captain America are in part his successes because he helped make Captain America.  So all the stories Howard could tell Fury (and, sorry about your horrible childhood, Tony) are going to portray Steve in a very specific way, turning him into the ultimate war hero, the ultimate super solider, the ultimate weapon that Howard helped create.

I doubt Peggy’s telling a lot of truths either but for different reasons.  Or, well.  Peggy doesn’t lie about Steve, but there are certain things she doesn’t say about Steve.  Because everyone knows and mourns Captain America, but she’s one of a small handful of people who actually mourn Steve Rogers.  There are things about him she keeps private and safe for herself.

Like the fondue story?  I am positive that never made it into the global Captain America narrative.  I also don’t think it’s a story Tony or Sharon ever heard.  Howard doesn’t tell it because it’s not a Cap Story, it’s a Steve Story, and Howard’s far more interested in the former than the latter.  Peggy also doesn’t tell it because it’s a Steve Story, and the world isn’t owed any more of Steve Rogers than they already have.  They can keep Captain America, but Steve is hers.

But I honestly believe that if Nick got half a shot of whiskey in Colonel Phillips, he would spend literal hours dragging Steve Rogers through the mud.

“Rogers?  Biggest pain in my ass that ever lived, and that’s before Stark and Erskine got their god damn hands on him.  I’ve had a hemorrhoid or two tried to compete, but nope.  It was Rogers.

“That son of a bitch probably spent six weeks AWOL altogether thinking he knew better than me, the SSR, and all the Allied powers put together.  At the end of it, he’d come into my office, stand at attention, salute.  Then I’d maybe get one ‘yes sir, no sir’ out of him before he started arguing with me about whatever damn fool thing he’d just done.  Which, I shouldn’t have to tell anyone, is not how the god damned United States Army works.  Rogers never did manage to grasp that concept.

“Don’t ask me about vehicle requisitions.  I don’t even know how many cars those idiots wrapped around how many trees.  I finally had to order the motor pool to stop giving him motorcycles at all.  He kept throwing them at the enemy.  That worked for maybe a month.  He started stealing them, and I gave up.

“Once I ran into Barnes just staring at a wall looking whey-faced, terrified, and madder than a hornet.  So I said, “What did that captain of yours do this time?” and he says, “He charged a fucking tank,” and I say, “Of course he did,” and he says, “Dumb bastard wasn’t even wearing his helmet,” and I say, “I don’t understand how you kept that boy alive long enough to con his way into the army in the first place,” and Barnes says, “You’ve got no god-damned idea, sir, you really don’t.”

“You know Carter shot at him once?  I’ve never envied another human being so much in my whole life.

“Steve Rogers gave me most every grey hair on my head, don’t you let her tell you any different.  I had a full head of thick black hair in 1943; by ‘44 I looked like someone dropped a pound of drywall on top of me.  I aged a year for every hour I spent in Rogers’s company.  When I die, if the coroner doesn’t list my cause of death as Steven Grant Rogers, it’ll be god damned perjurous.

“I could have court-martialed that jackass on at least 16 separate occasions, and we wouldn’t have won the war without him.  God rest the son of a bitch.”

….so we have to assume that Fury never talked to Phillips I guess.

BUT OH GOD DO I WISH HE HAD

obsessed with like, Jason who absolutely refuses to reconcile with the bats. he wants no part in that family and will not talk to them under any circumstances. but he's legally dead with no friends and sometimes he gets sick of being completely by himself and wants to have company. so.

Bruce: hey Alfred have you seen my-

*comes into kitchen to see Alfred calmly preparing dinner while Jason Todd, Killer Red Hood, silently does paperwork while sat on the corner of the kitchen counter*

Bruce:

Bruce: uh-

Tim, doing homework at the table: don't mention it. if you acknowledge him he'll leave. he just likes being around people sometimes.

the bats have to start treating him like a stray cat, letting him go to them and acting completely unbothered by his presence because if they even make eye contact with Jason he'll jump out the window and they 1. won't see him for a month and 2. will start to see a lot more murders cropping up around gotham.

eventually it gets to the point where Dick will come to dinner to see the rest of the family wordlessly ignoring the brick shithouse of a man who is just sat on the floor of the dining area reading a book and he has to just. take a breath and pretend Jason isn't there. calmly stepping around him without acknowledging him. Alfred will silently place a plate of food by the guys elbow while speaking to Damian about school. When they decide to move from the table to the tv room for a movie night none of them can even look around when they hear him eventually follow just to sit in the corner of this room instead.

Bruce: I'm concerned, this is abnormal for Jason. what if he's been drugged with something? or he's trying to gain sensitive information?

Damian: actually he used to do this a lot after he came out of the Lazarus pit. he liked to sit in and watch me train, and occasionally we'd find him sat by grandfathers feet while he ran meetings. Mother says it's important to let him settle, because it's likely that he's simply craving human intimacy on his own terms for once.

Bruce, crying: oh

Jason still refuses to say a word to any of them unless it's in costume, and even then it's the same old 'i'm not your son! i'm not one of you! fuck off!' shtick like normal. they just have to accept him sneaking into the house every now and then too.

one time Tim needs Red Hoods info on a case he's working and since Jason's been sat on the floor against the wall of the bat cave for the past 45 minutes just. staring into space and vibing. he risks sliding the file across the floor towards him before pointedly turning back to the batcomputer, the info he needs marked clearly. five minutes later it's wordlessly slid back, info filled out and Jason refusing to acknowledge Tim's existence again. it's the only way he'll communicate with them.

after a while it gets to the point where Jason will straight up go to bludhaven and break into Dicks apartment just to silently sit in the corner of the room and Be Around A Familiar Person. Tim comes back from his lunch brake at WE to find him sat on the edge of his desk, working through a case. They work in silence for the rest of the day and when Tim leaves Jason just follows. They get a batburger together but the second Tim slips up and asks how his day was he's off like a shot. Damian regularly eats lunch at school on the roof while Jason plays mario kart on a DSI next to him. Batman will be 4 hours into a solo stake out when civilian Jason will silently slide up next to him with a crossword. they never talk. Jason still makes it clear that he's pissed at Bruce. Bruce doesn't know what else to do but let him be and hope eventually, with enough time, things will progress even further.

Dick, whispering so Jason won't pick up on the fact that he's being perceived: are you sure this is normal

Damian: is anything about any of us normal

Tim: he's got a point. at least we know Jason's watching us. I did this shit all the time before I was Robin, and none of you ever noticed me.

Dick:

Tim: sometimes its comforting to be in the same room as people you're familiar with, even if you can't handle interacting with them.

Dick, crying: ok

I'm obsessed with beefcake!Bucky's thick muscular abs/waist. It's just. SO BIG AND TONED I CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF OF IT. And I love that Bucky's big where Steve's small even after the serum. Like waist. Or thighs. THOSE THIGHS. Just. Ugh. I bet Steve (and Bucky too) love these differences between their bodies either. Right???

unf, GOD, yes. You are on my level, Nani.

I mean, they’re of a similar height now and I’d say their shoulder width is around the same but other than that? Steve’s still so much smaller!

Imagine him in Bucky’s clothes. Shuffling around the kitchen in Bucky’s pajama bottoms, still half-asleep and seemingly oblivious to the collective stare of his teammates on him. Everyone watching the way those pants slide low on his hips because of how tiny his waist is in comparison to Bucky’s.

Sam griping, “dear god, put a shirt on before Stark has a coronary; it’s seven am, Rogers, people can’t deal with this,” and then face-palming when Steve comes back wearing one of Bucky’s big sweaters.

Fits him near perfect around the shoulders but too big everywhere else.

…I’m now imagining this in the oblivious-couple/bedsharing universe and my heart eyes are strong.

Bedsharing and snuggling and clothes-sharing, oh my. *_________*

in your uraichi swinging pendulum spin-off snippet, once ichigo graduaes, where would he live? barracks? shiba home? move in with the boyfriend *winkwink* XD

Lol where else~

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im obsessed with the difference between the Wayne family and the Kent family. like i can imagine Clark and Bruce working on some kind of case at the watchtower when Kon storms in angrily talking about how Jon won’t stop whining to play games on his phone and it’s really getting on his nerves and Clark needs to go and tell him off bcs he won’t listen to Kon, and Clark sighs before turning to Bruce with an eye-roll like ‘kids amiright?’ and then they hear a far off scream from Dick on the other end of the watchtower that’s like ‘BRUCE JASON KEEPS DRESSING UP AS NIGHTWING AND KILLING PEOPLE IN BLUDHAVEN AND NOW IM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR FUCKING MURDER AGAIN!’ followed by an evil Jason-like cackle and a crash, and Bruce just grunts and stands up to go investigate with a chuckle, returning Clark’s look like ‘oh don’t i know it haha’ as if the two are in any way comparable and Clark isn’t staring at him like his whole family is insane

the avengers playing "never have I ever" or a similar game, and rhodey goes "never have I ever been handcuffed". predictably, tony, clint and maybe nat put their fingers down, but what no one expected was that steve did too. so tony's all like WOAH WAIT SINCE WHEN WAS CAPTAIN AMERICA HANDCUFFED? :O and then there's this voice from the ceiling that sounds much like bucky's which goes "5 hours ago, stark. right where you're sitting." the entire floor is later scrubbed thoroughly with bleach.

“Never,” Rhodey declares, while staring straight at his best friend, “have I ever let someone handcuff me for any – fun reasons.”

He is still mad at Tony for bringing up the crossdressing incident of ‘03 and so he takes particularly vindictive delight in watching every head turn towards Tony after the statement has been given.

Except – and here’s what makes revenge against Tony Stark unsatisfying – Tony doesn’t even blush. He grins, winks at the onlookers, and tosses back his shot like it’s nothing.

Natasha and Clint both toss back their shots, too, and send each other sly looks. Entirely unsurprising.

And then Steve reaches for his shot and the room goes utterly, utterly still. Rhodey glances at Coulson and Coulson glances back; he can practically see the exclamation points in Coulson’s eyes even though his expression doesn’t shift.

“I’m sorry,” Tony says, because of course it’s him. It always is. “Maybe you didn’t understand, Cap. Rhodey here is talking about –”

“Sex,” Steve interrupts. “I know.”

He takes the shot. Everyone stares.

Steve sets down the glass and looks at everyone looking at him, batting his eyelashes innocently. Even after watching him take that shot, knowing what it meant, nearly everyone in the room buys it.

“We promised, didn’t we?” He asks. “At the beginning. We promised to be honest.”

And although Tony was not the least bit phased by his own sexual exploits being laid bare for the crowd, he’s suddenly flustered and red.

“You let my aunt,” he starts and then abruptly changes direction: “you can’t just tell her secrets like that, Rogers!”

Steve’s lips quirk just the faintest bit and he says, “no, not her. I wouldda let her, though, if she’d asked.”

Everyone stares a bit more.

From the far corner of the room, where he’s been sitting as an observer instead of a participant, Bucky Barnes starts to laugh.

Steve turns to him and his smile becomes so besotted that there’s no question at all about who’s gotten the chance to tie up Captain America.

“Forgot how well that innocent act works on people,” Bucky says to Steve, just as the team starts to react. “Christ, you had ‘em fooled.”

“Best friends, my ass,” Sam grumbles.

“Makes so much sense –”

“I can’t believe I ever thought you were vanilla –”

The words blend together, rising in volume, until there’s no way to tell who’s saying what or what declarations are even being made; it’s all incomprehensible noise. Steve and Bucky just sit there, smiling at each other. 

Rhodey and Coulson fist bump under the table.

Do you mind writing more canon compliant!stucky cockwarming Ps love your blog

I don’t mind at all :D

Scenarios to consider:

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