Robin!Jason, Who Constantly References Different Books At Random Times By Quoting Them And Joking About

Jason goes full cat 2

Please tell us more about slutty virgin Steve there is not enough of him

Slutty virgin Steve:

Has been in love with Bucky Barnes since 1934, but was always to afraid to act on it/say anything re: Bucky is a ladies man and homosexuality was very much a crime.

Wakes up in the twenty-first century and is still Very Gay, but he doesn’t /do/ anything about it because 1) he has conditioned himself to be quiet and private about his preferences and 2) to him, Bucky died, like, three days ago.

Jerks off to thoughts of being smol again and Bucky pinning him down and fucking his mouth. Is very sad afterwards.

OOP BUCKY’S ALIVE 

Bucky’s alive and he comes home and he spends some time recovering in the apartment he shares with Steve now, etc etc, anyways.

Bucky is alive and Bucky is... a Grade A Beefcake. Steve’s sad jerking off becomes guilty jerking off, but it’s more than that, because now Bucky is constantly around and he’s wearing sweatpants that ride too low on his hips and Bucky likes wifebeater tanks and Steve’s horny level has been turned up to eleven (11).

Steve is only sneaky and quiet when he’s on the battlefield.

Steve is neither sneaky nor quiet when he is experimenting with fingerfucking himself in the shower.

Bucky is a good listener—especially when people are actively saying his name out loud. 

(Steve showers, and Bucky listens.)

(Bucky also finds a new, unfamiliar razor in said shower. A smattering of little black dark blond curlies clings to it. Bucky thinks about Steve shaving himself smooth and testing the new grounds with the tips of his own fingers and biting his lips until they’re as red as his cheeks and Bucky fucks his own fist and paints the shower wall.)

Steve shops online for dildos on his tablet, but he can never bring himself to check out his shopping cart, too much internalized shame, too scared someone will find out.

Steve has considered exploring phallic objects that do not come from adam and eve dot com, but 1) zucchinis do not have a flared base, and Steve thinks safety is Very Important and would literally have to off himself if Bucky had to drive him to the ER because he got a squash stuck in his rectum, and 2) Steve grew up in the Depression. Steve does not waste food.

So Steve shameshops for dildos online, buys zero (0) dildos.

Steve is bad at browser security. 

Steve and Bucky share a tablet.

Bucky checks out the shopping cart.

A package arrives one day from a nondescript sender, and it is addressed to Steve’s attention. Bucky picks it up and takes it into the kitchen.

“Package for you, Stevie.”

“Oh? Okay, um. Don’t remember ordering anything...”

“Open it then. Find out.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay.”

(Bucky files it away in his mind to scold Steve later—ten spanks should do it—for being an idiot who opens strange packages just because big, beefy soldiers hand them to him)

“Whatcha got there, Stevie?”

“It’s... um... I don’t think they had the right—”

“Show me.”

“... No.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s not mine.”

“What’s not yours?”

“This. All of it. I think someone played a prank on me.”

“Just show me, Steve.”

“I. I don’t want to.”

“Are you really saying that everything in that box—whatever it is—is totally unfamiliar to you? You’ve never seen it before?”

“...Yes.”

“...”

“That is what I am saying.”

“...”

“...”

“Steve?”

“... Yeah, Buck?”

“Do you want to take me up to your bedroom and show off what the mailman brought you?”

***

(It’s dildos.)

(The mailman brought dildos.)

[x]

everytime tim pisses off jason jason's like "first you steal my fucking job, now this?!" and tim goes "i didn't STEAL robin, you were DEAD and the position needed to be FILLED." and then jason says "but when i stopped being dead you didn't give it BACK. when an office worker gets a replacement so they can go on maternity leave the replacement is supposed to FUCK OFF once the maternity leave ENDS." and tim argues "YOU WEREN'T ON FUCKING MATERNITY LEAVE JASON" and jason screams back equally loud "WELL I DISAPPEARED FOR AROUND NINE MONTHS AND THEN SHOWED BACK UP WITH DAMIAN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" and then tim leaping strikes him off a 6 story building

The concept of Dick and Jason both having their own Brucie Wayne versions to charm the public is SO funny to me. Not even the fact that the whole idea is amusing, but Bruce's reaction to it would heal me. Like, he is with Dick on some mission, and here goes Richie Grayson :> — your local bimbo and golden retriever, or you know, whatever you want him to be. That, at least, seems obvious.

But Jason turns into Jase Todd :3, the far too innocent for his own good guy with a big heart the minute paparazzi is around? Bruce is horrified.

Bruce: alright, I know social events are not your area of work, but try just to nod and smile

Jason: yeah, whatever, old man

(five minutes later)

Vickie Vale: well, mister Todd, such a smart and diligent man like you — how come you are still single?

Jase Todd :3 : oh, well... I-i actually think I am quite unlucky in this matter... Just recently, a person I dated told me that I was rather too shy 🥹 And the previous suitor was with me only because of dad's money... 🥺 Dad tells me to take it easy... I still wish to find my perfect romantic partner, of course, but-

Richie Grayson :>, mournfully: my little wing has such a warm, big heart (slaps his chest) and, of course, he deserves the best.

Vickie Vale: awww, you are so sweet!

Bruce, staring in terror, because who the hell are these sweet boys, and where did his two walking headaches go: ...

1 & stucky

Bucky insists on putting their furniture together on his own, no help from anyone.

Steve knows why, of course. It’s the same reason why everyone on the team has hand-knitted scarves and hats and gloves. Same reason why their apartment is decorated in an odd mismatch of arts and crafts; pottery and homemade potpourri, random photographs in handmade frames, a wooden rocking chair that Bucky made at the Tower on a particularly bad weekend.

“It feels good,” Bucky told him one late evening; he only ever confessed these things at night. Steve understands. The darkness has been their secret keeper for as long as either of them can remember. “Rememberin’ that I was made for more than just killin’ people.”

So, yes. Steve knows exactly why Bucky prefers to do things himself but sometimes, well. Sometimes he just wishes Bucky would be practical about things.

Like now.

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In reference to this post, I do legitimately wonder what exactly Nick Fury’s expectations of Steve were.

Assuming his two primary sources for Steve Rogers Anecdotes were Howard and Peggy (and I think they were), there’s no way he would have gotten anything approaching an accurate account for who Steve was as a person.

I honestly don’t think Howard knew Steve well.  All his reminiscences are going to be fundamentally colored by the fact that, despite the epiphany he comes to in the S1 finale of Agent Carter (he says something like, ‘he was good before I got my hands on him, wasn’t he?’), Steve’s successes as Captain America are in part his successes because he helped make Captain America.  So all the stories Howard could tell Fury (and, sorry about your horrible childhood, Tony) are going to portray Steve in a very specific way, turning him into the ultimate war hero, the ultimate super solider, the ultimate weapon that Howard helped create.

I doubt Peggy’s telling a lot of truths either but for different reasons.  Or, well.  Peggy doesn’t lie about Steve, but there are certain things she doesn’t say about Steve.  Because everyone knows and mourns Captain America, but she’s one of a small handful of people who actually mourn Steve Rogers.  There are things about him she keeps private and safe for herself.

Like the fondue story?  I am positive that never made it into the global Captain America narrative.  I also don’t think it’s a story Tony or Sharon ever heard.  Howard doesn’t tell it because it’s not a Cap Story, it’s a Steve Story, and Howard’s far more interested in the former than the latter.  Peggy also doesn’t tell it because it’s a Steve Story, and the world isn’t owed any more of Steve Rogers than they already have.  They can keep Captain America, but Steve is hers.

But I honestly believe that if Nick got half a shot of whiskey in Colonel Phillips, he would spend literal hours dragging Steve Rogers through the mud.

“Rogers?  Biggest pain in my ass that ever lived, and that’s before Stark and Erskine got their god damn hands on him.  I’ve had a hemorrhoid or two tried to compete, but nope.  It was Rogers.

“That son of a bitch probably spent six weeks AWOL altogether thinking he knew better than me, the SSR, and all the Allied powers put together.  At the end of it, he’d come into my office, stand at attention, salute.  Then I’d maybe get one ‘yes sir, no sir’ out of him before he started arguing with me about whatever damn fool thing he’d just done.  Which, I shouldn’t have to tell anyone, is not how the god damned United States Army works.  Rogers never did manage to grasp that concept.

“Don’t ask me about vehicle requisitions.  I don’t even know how many cars those idiots wrapped around how many trees.  I finally had to order the motor pool to stop giving him motorcycles at all.  He kept throwing them at the enemy.  That worked for maybe a month.  He started stealing them, and I gave up.

“Once I ran into Barnes just staring at a wall looking whey-faced, terrified, and madder than a hornet.  So I said, “What did that captain of yours do this time?” and he says, “He charged a fucking tank,” and I say, “Of course he did,” and he says, “Dumb bastard wasn’t even wearing his helmet,” and I say, “I don’t understand how you kept that boy alive long enough to con his way into the army in the first place,” and Barnes says, “You’ve got no god-damned idea, sir, you really don’t.”

“You know Carter shot at him once?  I’ve never envied another human being so much in my whole life.

“Steve Rogers gave me most every grey hair on my head, don’t you let her tell you any different.  I had a full head of thick black hair in 1943; by ‘44 I looked like someone dropped a pound of drywall on top of me.  I aged a year for every hour I spent in Rogers’s company.  When I die, if the coroner doesn’t list my cause of death as Steven Grant Rogers, it’ll be god damned perjurous.

“I could have court-martialed that jackass on at least 16 separate occasions, and we wouldn’t have won the war without him.  God rest the son of a bitch.”

….so we have to assume that Fury never talked to Phillips I guess.

BUT OH GOD DO I WISH HE HAD

More Visored/Ichigo ramblings because I just love them so much.

Is it trauma, power dynamics, or hollow instincts? The world may never know.

Jk ~ If I'm writing it then it's all three.

⚠️ Visored/Ichigo because that's my jam and I'm partying alone ⚠️

💀💀💀💀

It starts as a joke, mixed in with the stupid shit they send each other. Sending Ichigo messages like remember to eat, moron. Or stg you better get a full 8 hours of sleep tonight or I'll kick your ass.

But Ichigo does a lot better when they remind him to actually take care of himself. As much as he takes care of others, he's terrible at taking care of himself.

They make him eat when he's with them. He'll eat about half before being distracted or say he's full and try to pass it to one of them. They shove it back at him and tell him to eat, not taking their eyes completely off him until he finishes everything. He never gets sick or uncomfortable, so they're not forcing him to overeat. They think he doesn't remember what it's like to feel comfortably full, usually eating just enough that the hunger doesn't hurt.

There's a gnawing hunger that comes with their hollows sometimes, a hunger for things that Ichigo isn't ready for yet. It's not real hunger in the way humans get hungry, but it does make eating hard sometimes.

Ichigo sends them pictures of what he's eating when he's not with them, sometimes making sure to include his unimpressed face, and something about not needing to be reminded about eating like a child.

They disagree.

They also text him to remind him to actually sleep, frowning when they get responses about hollows or doing homework. The low smoldering anger for Shinigami that constantly lives in them now burns a little hotter each time Ichigo shows up with new injuries and bruises under his eyes or when their texts show read at 3am. Especially when they know that there's shinigami assigned to the town who don't seem to do anything.

They get creative. They train him until he's so exhausted he falls asleep after cleaning up, slumped against their shoulders or curled up in their bed. Convincing him to use their bed took awhile, but his hollow desperately wanted a pack and Ichigo didn't fight it too hard. They like that he'll smell like them, even though it's a warning that no one but hollows will be able to sense.

Bed may not be the word to use when it's big enough to fit all of them comfortably and has more pillow and blankets than they can even count anymore.

They all sleep together, something that started from a combination of their hollows prefering it and safety in numbers. Ichigo naps in sheets that smell like them and leaves his own scent behind every time he drags his skin across the sheets. It should be upsetting, the scent of someone who isn't them in their space but it isn't, in fact it's comforting. Especially when he doesn't stay with them. They know Ichigo isn't there with them, which their hollows huff unhappily about, but it smells like he is and it's just enough to settle their instincts.

Ichigo always ends up finding the nearest person when he's asleep. If anyone gets in the bed to rest while he's in there, he always finds his way to their side and presses in as close as he can. It's a big bed, it has to be to comfortably fit all of them even though they usually end up piled on top of each other and tangled up.

If he falls asleep sitting next to someone, his head will find their shoulder or he'll slump down until his head is on their lap. He sleeps better with skin contact, the ever present frown on his face fading when he's made skin contact.

He's bad about letting them know if he's hurt, his mindset seems to be if he can still move, or as long as he's not actively bleeding, then he's fine. Bruises are the worst, big ugly ones that they won't know about unless Ichigo wears something that shows it, it gets exposed during a spar, or he moves stiffly and can't hold back a wince.

That also means he has the bruises they give him from sparring longer, and they never claimed to be good and proper okay? Ichigo wearing marks they gave him is appealing. They'd rather give him other marks to warn people off, and they want to say that they didn't know they'd end up wanting this but Ichigo was always going to be theirs.

Someday they'll be able to make sure he's constantly covered in their scent and they can bite and suck all the marks they want onto his skin. They'll be able to keep him in their bed every night and smell him when they first wake up. They'll be able to check him for wounds or bruises he thinks aren't bad enough to mention and remind him that just because he can tolerate the pain doesn't mean he should have to.

He starts to keep some spare clothes with them but they take every excuse they can to have him wear something of theirs. On one memorable occasion he even wore a pair of Lisa's leggings, blushing and mumbling that he was cold and they felt soft. Lisa rushed to tell him he could wear them whenever he wanted, eyes flicking down to where the dark material clung to his legs. It's a soft, thin material and borderline see through in some spots where the material stretched over muscle, like his hips and thighs.

At some point Ichigo seems to catch on, and they're all able to stop pretending they're just interested in friendship.

Ichigo does his own clumsy scenting, not quite right but it's clear what he's trying to do and they don't correct him. The furrow of his brow says he's going to figure it out eventually.

He rubs their cheeks together when he's tired or hurt, or when he knows they're upset or hurt, not quite scenting but it's adorable, and his hollow is trying very hard to figure out what feels right.

He doesn't hesitate to nudge food over to them if he thinks they aren't eating enough. If they get distracted training or doing something else, he brings them food and hovers until he's able to make them sit down and eat.

They can't resist holding out bites to him occasionally and grinning at the faint blush before he takes it.

He spends a lot more time in their bed. And the kid is a fucking tease once he gets going because the amount of reasons he find to strip before rubbing his scent all over their bed is unreal. So much bare skin means his scent sinks into everything and stays, everytime they roll over or land on the mattress a burst of Ichgo greets them.

Knowing he's barely clothed, or wearing theirs, and vulnerable in their bed is incredibly distracting. He's sleep warm skin and pliant limbs, little protesting noises leaving him when they pile around or on him.

Hiyori is the first one to leave a mark, the urge to bitebitebite becoming overwhelming and she's behind Ichigo, wrapping her arms around him to keep him still and biting down on the curve of his shoulder and neck. He doesn't react, just keeps talking like he doesn't have someone clinging to his back and chewing a dark bruise onto his shoulder.

It's fair game after that and he's always got marks on his throat and shoulders, the delicate inside of his wrists and inner thighs, and the soft skin of hips and lower belly.

He leaves his own marks on them, not near as dark or deep as theirs, and it fades quicker. He bites at them with dull human teeth instead of the sharp hollow teeth he needs to make a lasting mark, another thing he's still getting the hang of.

💀💀💀💀

Do I like to think that they would all text each memes and stupid shit? Yes.

Didn't get Kisuke added in this one but I like to think he's always involved too ~

Jason: *walks into living room and pauses, looking at tim* uh Tim: *frowns as he looks up from a book* what? Jason: um. Tim: dude. Spit it out. Jason: *still staring* you like that book? Tim: yeah I’m really loving it! It’s a new bestseller, Steph recommended it. It’s a fun fantasy. ‘S got dragons and the romance is nice and Jane Austen-esque. You should read it, it’s right up your alley. Jason: uh. Okay. I’ll, uh, look into it. And, uh, what about the author? Know anything about them? Tim: *frowns* aside from the fact that there’s like, no information about them, no Jason: *chuckles nervously* ah, yeah. Haha.

Jason, later to his editor: hey can we change my pseudonym? I wanna use “Todd Peter” and see how long it takes for my brother to yell at me editor: Jason that’s not how pseudonyms work

The recent Shinji/Ichigo week has got me wondering, how would Swinging Pendulum go if Shinji and Ichigo had been more than friends before the time travel? Either in a romantic/sexual relationship or something less quantifiable (queer-platonic?). (How would things go if Shinji got punted back too, I wonder?)

One of the ideas for ShinIchi Week that I came up with originally was actually a time travel fic for Shinji and Ichigo back to TBTP Era that might’ve eventually become UraShinIchi but I lost interest pretty early on. I can give you the few lines of dialogue I wrote for it though? It’s really not much but I did save it just in case I want to write an actual fic for it one day.

Working Summary: No one understands what is going on when Fifth Division captain Hirako Shinji disappears for a week, only to come back with an orange-haired Shiba in tow, demote his current lieutenant, and then promptly co-opt said Shiba into the position instead.

“You realize I haven’t even been through the Academy, right? So I’m pretty sure this is like ten kinds of illegal.”

“Eh, I’m old enough ta ask for favours from the fogies up top, and low-maintenance enough that I haven’t asked for much over the years. Don’t worry; they might kick up a fuss, but they’ll fold in the end.”

“WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?!”

“FOR THE LAST TIME, KAIEN, IN RUKONGAI, NOW WOULD YA STOP YELLIN’?!”

“I want to talk to him.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t wanna talk ta you. And I don’t blame him. Who wants ta talk ta the creep stalkin’ him twenty-four/seven?”

“He’s obviously family!”

“…You and I have very different definitions of family, Kaien. Seriously, get outta my office. Don’t ya have work ta do?”

“Of all the things I thought we would have trouble dealin’ with, I didn’t think it would be your face, handsome.”

“Fuck you too, Shinji. At least I don’t trip over my own hair.”

“IT’S BEEN A HUNDRED YEARS SINCE I HAD THIS HAIRSTYLE, I’D LIKE TA SEE YOU DO BETTER.”

“You don’t let other people touch your hair. You’re downright anal about it.”

“Ichigo’s different. Obviously.”

“…You realize he’s sleeping with at least one other captain too, right? I wasn’t going to bring it up, but if you’re this serious about it, and as a friend, I feel like I should warn-”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Huh?”

“I said you’re an idiot. Also oblivious. An oblivious idiot.”

“Hey! I’m trying to save you some heartbreak here, asshole!”