The Thing About "Steve Stuck In The Past Re: Bucky/Peggy/life In General" Is That, By Itself, I Think

raise your hand if you will never not be salty about the lack of development of a friendship between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark in the MCU

Yeah. McCain understands

truth

Playlist

Middle of the Night: Joel Sunny (Violin version)

Middle of the Night: Joel Sunny (Power-Haus Violin version Epic)

Fallout: Unsecret × Neoni

Jedi Fallen Order Main Theme (Cover): Samuel Kim

Jedi Fallen Order, Cal Kestis Theme- Epic Trailer (Cover) Mikhail Lesogorov

War of Hearts: Joel Sunny (Violin version)

The One to Survive: Hidden Citizens

Legends: Tommee Profitt

Star Wars The Force Theme+ Main Title: Samuel Kim

Burying the Dead: Samuel Kim

Be Here For You: Sam Tinnesz

Carry You: Ruelle

Slow Dance in the Dark: Joel Sunny (Violin version)

**********************

Safe and Sound: Kurt Hugo Schneider

I'll Carry You: Tommee Profitt

I know this is alot of music but each song inspired a chapter or something in the story so they are important. I will also be adding music as I find other songs that inspire me as I go along.

Awww. Steve would be embarrassed. Poor guy.

today I learned the Avengers’ Chinese nicknames and now I’m crying

I feel like this game's mission is bringing every stony fanfiction to life

Steve would be the only one to render Tony speechless…

you know. sometimes i think. in the face of tony’s obvious trauma and ptsd. in the face of the more obvious pain that bucky has suffered. we forget that steve’s motivation in the film isn’t just his tendency to hold stubbornly fast to his ideals, to do what he feels is right and damn the rest. 

steve’s hurting too.

like. guys. we are so ready to give weight to tony’s emotional boiling over point at the end of the film, to say “this is why he tried to kill bucky, and it’s not right but it’s understandable.” we are so ready to acknowledge the fact that bucky was a victim and motivated to run by his fear of further persecution and hurt from nefarious forces. what about steve, though? when do we acknowledge that steve’s not just acting with righteous arrogance, but a deep anger, isolation, fear, loneliness, sadness, and hope?

steve died. like, his last memory before waking up seventy years in the future is a few days after watching his best friend fall from a train and he was unable to stop it he willingly flies a plane into the fucking Arctic, ostensibly to his death.

guys. guys. tony was fucked up for years because of untreated ptsd after falling from space and thinking he was dead. why is it so hard to remember that steve probably is fucked up, too? 

this dude, he wakes up seventy years in the future and he has to make his way without really anyone or anything familiar, and the only person who is familiar is suffering from memory loss, and he’s now operating under the thumb of shadowy organization that he’s not 100 percent does good things and that continuously lies to him. there’s no war to fight, but that’s all this body is good for. it’s all he knows. 

he doesn’t know what makes him happy. guys.

and so he goes through another trauma when he discovers this villain who is trying to kill him is in fact the dead best friend who—surprise!—was actually captured after falling and losing an arm and his brains were scrambled to turn him into a murder assassin. we know for a fact steve feels tremendous guilt over this. but imagine beyond guilt, the sorrow, the nightmarish possibilities, that are turning over in steve’s head. the idea of what his friend suffered. remember when rhodey fell from the sky and tony blasted sam in the chest? imagine the anger in steve’s heart at the idea of what bucky’s suffered and the unwillingness to let that go unchecked and unsaved.

oh, plus. that shadowy organization he’s been fighting for? the people he’s been taking orders from? the top dog in the neat little hierarchy that’s arranged his world? yeah. hydra. everything steve has known turns upside down. he can’t trust anything. imagine the paranoia. the suspicion. imagine the fear that must take seed at that betrayal.

and then! of course, then he begins fighting these battles with the avengers where the collateral damage is on such a bigger scale than it was at war. where there are aliens. aliens, you guys. and he’s tasked with leading this motley crew of superheroes in a world he’s still getting used to and people die, lots of people die, and we know that even if it doesnt visibly affect him like it affects tony (who always seems shocked when he’s confronted with loss, because it’s presented to him on a personal, individual level) it does affect him. that steve feels the guilt of lives lost. imagine that burden. imagine the weight of the shield, the mask, the responsibility. imagine the loneliness. the fear.

so then. then. in the space of a few days. steve deals with more guilt from the deaths in lagos. he shoulders that burden. then he deals with the moral quandary of signing the accords. he wrestles with that decision. peggy dies. he grieves, oh goodness does he grieve. vienna fuckin blows up and that elusive best friend is now the suspect. so steve is grieving, he is confused and conflicted, and now he feels doubly guilty—that’s the person he has been looking for, should he have already caught him? did he do it? he couldn’t have. does he bring him in? does he shoulder this responsibility too? what will they make him do when he catches up to bucky? what should he do? steve might act like he always knows what’s right, but a decision like this isn’t easy. it messes with a person. and when you’re dealing with all that mess in your head, sometimes you don’t think. sometimes…you act.

like when bucky is triggered, when steve stops a helicopter with his bare fucking hands, you can feel the desperation. that’s not ordinary heroics. that’s not steve just trying to stop bucky from escaping and possibly hurting others. it’s steve fighting for bucky. for this piece of his past. for the possibility of an end to loneliness. for the possibility of redemption for letting him fall. 

and when they go on the run, when they know they have to stop the supersoldiers, when they clash with tony’s team, can you imagine steve’s sheer frustration that no one gets what is at stake? that no one is willing to listen? and yes, he didn’t even try—but why is that, you think? is it possibly because steve is used to institutions and those in power ignoring what he thinks is right and causing disaster anyway?

when steve says, “pal, so are we.” when steve acknowledges to natasha that he’s 90 not dead, when he openly references the fact that he and bucky are 100, can you imagine knowing that? adjusting to that? being 20-something in body and memory but 100 in actuality? living in a body that people perceive as a weapon so strongly that you’ve become a weapon when you are still longing to rediscover the man you were? steve’s not just cap. steve’s steve, and he doesn’t know what makes him happy you guys. he’s a guy, he’s a human, and he’s dealing with A Lot.

i get that he makes some bad calls in the movie. so does tony. my beef is that while tony’s decisions are often supported by his very obvious trauma and emotional burden, we rarely seem to give enough weight to the very real and very similar turmoil that is going on inside of steve.

when tony is fighting him in siberia. when steve says, “he’s my friend,” so simply, so sadly, without any righteousness, just clean tired truth, that’s steve as steve. when he hid the truth from tony, that’s steve as steve. when he drops the shield, that’s steve reclaiming himself as steve. we expect cap all the time, because often, steve is cap. it’s easy to see him as the moral police that way, if reductionist.

but we forget to see steve as steve. that he is a kid, in some ways. and a grieving, lost, lonely kid with a lot of anger, sadness, confusion, and power boiling under the placid-seeming surface.

Ah, Sarah Rogers. Love her too much for a character I’ve never seen on screen. This picture is so cute

Sarah Rogers deserves only good things

(click for better quality)

the thing about fandom’s framing of steve as this rebel without a cause type of reckless idiot who is just incapable of following orders is that, like “angry chihuahua” pre-serum steve, i get where it comes from. it’s funny and meme-able, and, most importantly, it’s a way to distance steve from the boyscout image so many people associate him with, and that so many of his fans hate.

but, just as angry chihuaha steve, reckless idiot steve is also upsetting because it takes the most sincere, earnest, good things steve has done in the mcu and twists them to be not the actions of a noble hero, but the stupidity of a manchild who challenges everything and everyone for no reason. it bastardizes the very core of steve’s character, and, above all, equates making steve more cynic/less idealistic with making steve better and cooler.

and that sucks because, no, he’s not a boyscout, but, guys, the very core of steve’s character is cheesy. steve as a character represents an ideal, and he does so in the most sincere, earnest way possible. steve’s superpower is his heart and his bravery. he’s a hero because he’s a good person, not because he’s snarky, because he’s a genius, because he’s super powerful or because he was chosen by fate or a prophecy. he’s just… the ultimate Good Guy. it doesn’t get much cheesier than that, unless your name is Clark Kent. 

and if that isn’t interesting to you, it’s cool. anti-heroes are the norm in the mcu and in most superhero movies for a reason: they’re fun to watch and very relatable. but, i’m sorry, steve is just not one of them. steve is that guy who walks old ladies to cross the street, not the guy who cracks a bunch of jokes while kicking a villain’s ass. and you’re free to find this boring and lame as much as you want to, but that’s IT. that’s the character. and i feel like a lot of people are not comfortable just letting steve be that way - they need to twist his actions to make him seem much more of a rebel badass than he actually is, and since i’m so attached to this stupidly sincere portrayal of sheer goodness and bravery, it becomes upsetting.

like… streve crashed the Valkyrie into the water not because he’s an Extra™, Dramatic Bitch or whatever, but because it was the only chance to land the plane without killing tons of innocent people. TFA is the ONLY origin movie in the mcu that doesn’t end with a triumph, but with a tragedy, and fandom somehow thinks it’s fun to turn steve’s sacrifice into a laughing stock, to act like he did so because he’s stupid or missed bucky’s dick too much or anything of the sort, instead of seeing the fact that steve did what he did because he valued other people’s lives above his own, because he valued doing the right thing over getting what he, personally, wanted.

and i guess to me it’s upsetting because this is something that resonates so deeply with my values and the person i want to be, and so to see fandom turning it into something small and petty just hurts, even if it’s just a joking shitpost. because when you act like steve is just some insolent dude who challenges everything and everyone just because he can, you end up turning his character from a hero to an idiot with poor impulse control. when you make headcanons of his friends being annoyed and bored by his constant idealism and desire to do the right thing, you turn him into a burden to sam or bucky or natasha or whoever, ignoring how he’s actually a leader and an inspiration to the people around him - you ignore how he broke through bucky’s brainwashing through sheer loyalty, how he made sam want to suit up for the first time in years, how he gave natasha trust when no one else would have. 

basically, you take away the beautiful things about his character and turn into something that, yeah, might be funnier, but it’s just so cynical it’s almost depressing. it turns something that is genuinely idealistic and optimistic into a pessimistic, shallow thing, and that’s just not what steve rogers is meant to be.

What I don’t understand is why would he be suicidal in TFA? He obviously had plans for the future. He had a mission (there still was war and people who needed saving), he had a team, there was an amazing woman who he could have a future with. He was grieving after Bucky's death but he didn't want to die, he wanted to fight.

Ugh. If I read one more post in the Cap tag about Steve crashing the Valkyrie being about him wanting to commit suicide I may scream. So, in that vein…

Friendly reminder that the Valkyrie (aircraft, not character) was powered by the tesseract, which had, inside of it, the space gem, an infinity gem we’re about to get up close and personal with again here pretty quickly. As such it moved at extraordinary speed and stealth with technology completely unknown during the 1940′s. Hell, it would probably be unknown even in this time, through SHIELD tried their best to harness that power, re: Avengers. And it was made clear in Avengers that SHIELD didn’t know what the heck they were doing even in 2012.

Friendly reminder that the controls of the Valkyrie were damaged during Steve’s fight with the Skull.

Friendly reminder that Steve had no idea how to operate the aircraft nor did he understand it’s systems. Trying to figure out who to fly it in seconds (see again: extraordinary speeds) was simply not an option. Don’t believe me, the Marvel/MCU wiki describes the scene exactly that way here. 

Anyone who thinks that Steve could have done anything other than crash it is severely cherry picking. 

Steve Rogers sacrificed himself to save countless lives and I resent anyone trying to take that sacrifice away from him.

As a side note, here is the power of the space gem, described by Marvel themselves:

…do you see the part about increased speed? Okay then. I’m glad we had this talk.