Ignore Me, I’m Organising My Stuff Like A Magpie With Their Collection Of Trinkets

I was feeling silly

Fanfic so good you gotta stop and scroll on social media to not get overwhelmed

Shovel Talk: Dick

When Dick starts dating, Jason is still rocking the yellow cape. He can’t do much, cause Dick is still distant with Bruce and he’s thirteen, but he glares extra hard whenever he sees Dick’s partner.

Dick keeps dating, goes through a few different partners, and him and Jason get closer. Dick thinks his little brother is cool with whoever he brings round. Dick is wrong. Jason waits until it hits the five month mark then all of a sudden the partner in question is subject to covert threats and subtle enough intimidation so specific that they sound mad trying to tell anyone about it. Especially considering this is coming from fifteen year old, ‘Robin is Magic’, heart of gold Jason Todd.

Dick is still dating after Jason dies, but there’s a weird lack of somehow scary younger brothers.

Until Tim shows up.

Once Tim and Dick are close, that’s it. Dick’s partners will walk in to find photos of them going about their day on their desk, with a final one of them and Dick that’s got ‘Look after him’ written on the back. Kori thinks this is sweet and immediately goes to Tim for all missing persons cases she hits a wall with. None of Dick’s other partners from that time would agree.

After Jason returns, Dick starts dating Wally. Tim tracks Jason down in Crime Alley to deliver the news. Wally walks into his room at the JL one day to discover pages covering the walls. It’s a document with a list of co-ordinates, which turn out to be every place he’s slept or eaten at in the past month. Every place he’s been in a theoretically vulnerable position. A separate list has his regular orders. Wally freaks out, and goes immediately to Gotham to talk to Dick about a possible threat. Coincidentally, Jason happens to be at the mansion for one of his rare visits, and although Dick is out he’s happy to hear about Wally’s quickly mounting anxiety. After being shown all the evidence, giving a sympathetic ear, Jason looks up at Wally.

“It sounds like someone could get to you really easily.” Jason gives a pitying grimace, and then smiles sweetly. “Better not give them a reason to, right?”

Wally’s heart is at risk of being lost in the speed force it’s beating so fast. Jason gets up, and takes his tea and his book.

“Dick will be back in a few hours. Heard you’ve got a date planned later. Hope that goes well.” Jason leaves an absolutely terrified Wally at the kitchen table.

I love-love AUs, where Jason adopts a kid and conventionally forgets to mention it to others, but I think it would be funnier, if he adopted an animal, but his family instantly started to think that he hides a child, because, honestly, it is obvious that he will end up with one anytime soon—

Jason, snoozing on his alarm: Hey, sorry, I gotta go. Dick: It is okay. See you around! Jason: *leaves* Tim, whispering: So, I don't want to start a panic, but his alarm name was "feeding time". Bruce, slamming his hands against the table: Finally! This had happened! Jason adopted someone! Dick, no less excited: We won. I am an uncle!

Jason, while scrolling the kangaroo ass carriers on the internet: Hm-m. Alfred, creeping on from behind, very enthusiastic: I would recommend you this one, lad. Jason, shuddering: Jesus— Jason: Uhh. Jason, thinking that Alfred probably knows, so there is no need to over-explain: Hey, thanks, Alfie. Alfred: Anytime.

Bruce, feigning nonchalance: So, how is the baby? Jason, thinking that Alfred just told Bruce about the whole thing: Well, better than ever. Bruce: Good. Where had you found him, by the way? Jason: Her. It is a baby girl, Matilda... And, well, in Crime Alley. Bruce, sniffling, because a) Jason is so him; b) he is such a girl dad himself by the nature: That's beautiful, lad. Jason: Uh, yeah?

Tim: Come on, when are you going to bring Matilda to introduce us? Dick is not getting younger. Dick: Hey— Dick: But also, yeah! I am not getting any younger. Jason, confused: You all are kinda obsessed. Jason: Like, there is literally nothing special. If you want to pat a dog, go and pat Titus. Don't bother my girl. Everyone, dropping whatever they were doing: A DOG?!

Poor Bruce... has yet to learn to not lecture siblings together because they just feed off each other's energy. (Also trying to draw hunks better by using Dan Mora as a reference which I think is pretty evident lol)

Commission Info / Kofi

I like the idea of Viktor being one of those aces that make nsfw jokes/remarks when least expected.

What ppl think thugs in Gotham are afraid of: Batman

What the thugs in Gotham are actually afraid of: Robin

Bat is stoic with brute force who wants justice, robins do it cuz they feel like it and it’s fun to them.

autistic eddie who has only dated steve.

theyve been dating for a few weeks before eddies mind starts to wander and think of what dating someone else would be like. but purely in a logical-scientific-i-must-test-this-hypothesis sense.

so he talks to steve and steve is so supportive. he says eddie should find someone safe to take on a date to test his theory.

the day comes where eddie takes daniel—danny—on a date. steve has a shift with robin at family video.

robin has been anxiously flitting about the store since their shifts began. shes been rambling non-stop about anything and everything—utter nonsense. robin just wants to keep steves mind off eddie being on a date with someone else.

she knows steve. she knows how quickly he falls in love and how close to the cusp of it he is with eddie.

if hes not already there yet.

eventually though, eventually, robins rambling works against her. she cant remember how she got here—talking about her hopeless love life and how shes destined to be alone forever.

but it pops out.

“—just want something like you and eddie.”

silence.

robin stops breathing.

she did that. she totally did that. she cant believe she did that.

steve doesnt say anything. robins back is to him so she cant see his face. she cant see how massively she fucked up.

robin is determined to live her life standing in this family video with her back to steve so she can never see his reaction and never know how she just broke his heart—oh my god shes a terrible best friend—

a noise interrupts her panic. a noise from steve. a noise that robin is familiar with.

robin whips around, nearly spinning in a complete circle with her speed.

—hes—hes—hes—guffawing?

robin doesnt know how else to describe it. steve is behind the family video counter, one hand splayed across the counter. the other hand is holding his stomach as he snort-laugh-coughs?-wheezes so hard robin swears she can feel the vibrations in the soles of her feet.

robin is over here—planning the end of her life because she thought she broke her soulmates heart.

and steve is—steve is—

steve has spent the last 8 months spending time with eddie. he sat by his hospital bed, keeping eddie company with his horrid jokes and stumbling through his first reading of the hobbit because

“stevie its my favorite”

steve drove eddie to his physical therapy appointments and cheered eddie on when the metalhead had good days. steve also embraced the silence and made sure to stop for a treat on the way home when eddie had a bad day.

when eddie was finished with physical therapy, steve learned all of the stretches and exercises that would help eddie maintain his strength and mobility. every day, without fail, steve would remind eddie to do the stretches and exercises the two of them learned. and on days when eddie adamantly refused—steve would use his harrington charm to either guilt or beg eddie into completing them.

even when steve wasnt spending time with eddie at the hospital or for doctors appointments—the two were always together. whether they were showing each other their favorite movies or eddie was forcing steve to expand his music knowledge or the two were sitting out at the quarry, smoking a joint from eddies personal stash—“its the good stuff steve. if we’re gonna be besties you gotta smoke the good stuff”—and gazing at the stars. they were always together.

the point is—the point is—steve has spent a lot of time with eddie. a lot of time where steve has come to see eddie for his likes and dislikes—and read how to see that on eddies face.

steve knows he doesnt have much going for him. hes not book smart, he doesnt have much of a career, hes not overly ambitious (and of course none of that makes him less—thanks eddie) but steve has always been people smart.

hes always had a knack for reading people. he can tell when someone is genuinely enjoying something versus when theyre faking it—even if theyre a really good actor.

and steve has spent a lot of time with eddie—as previously stated—which means steve can read eddie like he hand-wrote that book.

so steve can see that eddie has never been drawn to someone like hes been drawn to steve. even in the beginning, when they were just strangers who had saved the world together, steve saw how eddie reacted to him differently than anyone else. looking back on those moments now, steve recognizes the attraction—the fire—the love—that was lit in his chocolate eyes. steve has never seen eddie look at anyone else that way.

steve also saw how eddie nearly physically recoiled when danny picked him up.

—not that he meant to be there. he totally didnt mean to be there. happy accident. pure coincidence—

max had been asking steve to take her out to the diner—absolutely not begging, no matter what anyone said. it was just coincidence that he happened to do it on the same day and around the same time as eddies date with danny.

—okay so steve and max totally planned it and they were definitely peeking out the curtains of maxs trailer for a full hour before danny finally showed up—

but thats beside the point.

steve had seen danny get out of his car and knock on the trailer door. the door opened and eddie appeared and steve could not contain his snort.

steve didnt know what it was about danny.

his clothes

his smile

his smell

his face

but something about danny repelled eddie. steve saw eddies brow and eye twitch. a sure sign he was holding back from flinching away.

eddie was definitely not interested in danny.

for a second, steve thought about walking over and claiming eddie had outstanding plans with him and max. an easy escape for eddie.

but then steve thought for another second, and couldnt wait to hear about how bad of a time eddie had.

—of course, steve would absolutely step in if eddie was feelng uncomfortable or unsafe. but steve knew that eddie was able to handle himself, and might get frustrated if steve tried to step in. steve also knew that eddie desperately wanted to test his date theory, even at the expanse of himself.

so steve let eddie go on his date, and then steve went to the diner with max and came to work his shift with robin.

which is where he was now, struggling to breathe as he laughs at robins unnecessary panic and counting down the minutes until his shift ends and he can show up at the trailer, hear about eddies date theory, and snuggle up with his boyfriend.

dungeon meshi but they end up in the back rooms, a cursed idea that was eating away at my brain

headcanon that the smaller batkids steal the bigger ones' hoodies and jackets. and by "bigger ones" I mean literally anyone bigger than them.

jason gets the short end of the stick because dick and all his little siblings take his. tim's the only one bold enough to go for the leather jackets (well, and cass, but they're way too wide in the shoulders for her) but it's not uncommon to find dick or stephanie in a dark red or gray hoodie that smells of motor oil and gunpowder.

damian usually takes dick's hoodies, but they're very oversized on him. on the bright side, there are thumbholes in the sleeves of all dick's hoodies, so he can still use his hands. the thumbholes make them a hot commodity in the winter.

there is a tim-steph-cass jacket pipeline. steph steals tim's hoodies and cass takes them from steph. hence tim stealing jason's leather jackets -- steph won't take them, so he gets to hold on to them until jason realizes and takes them back. sometimes cass will also steal duke's hoodies, but she always returns them clean and neatly folded (unlike how it goes with the rest of the family, in which they are returned only under threat of blackmail or with long rounds of negotiation).

this is an extremely long-standing ring of jacket theft. you cannot leave a hoodie unattended in wayne manor. damian doesn't actually own any hoodies, and cass only owns one, because there's so many other people in the house to "borrow" one from. nowhere is safe. steph once broke into dick's apartment to steal his warm hoodie, the one with the fuzz on the inside.

but it goes the other way sometimes. jason leaves things in the pockets of his leather jackets for tim -- film for his camera, hand sanitizer, half-filled punch cards for local coffee shops with "drink water too, fucker" written on the back. cass will tuck little slips of paper in the cuffed sleeves when she leaves hoodies out. the notes don't say anything, but they have little smiley faces and hearts on them, and steph has taken to doing something similar with corny jokes. dick just straight-up leaves candy in the hoods of his jackets.

it's a game, it's a love language. it's simultaneously annoyance and affection. there's nothing like wearing a hoodie that's too big for you, that smells like your family, to make you feel safe.