Rocketshipinspace024 - The Abyss

i love them i love core four my little guys ever

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[Tim and Jason watching Dick as he fakes his death for a mission]

Tim: Man, he really is peak pretty boy

Jason: Right? Like, stop serving while you’re dying. It’s disrespectful.

Tim: For real, like, at least YOU had your priorities straight.

Jason: Exactly, I—

Jason:

Jason: Now hold up just a second—

Tim: I mean, you looked like shit when you died

Jason: THE FUCK, TIM????

I can't unsee this

Superman is left in the batcave on Robin-sitting duty for the day.

The batkids, (Let's say they're all fairly young and close to age for the sake of this) start to get restless pretty quickly so Clark proposes playing a game.

Hide and seek seem harmless enough. Not too physical, they can't get out of the batcave unauthorized and Clark can just locate them with his super powers if needed.

The first problem is that Cass and Damian don't know how to play. Clark tries to answer their questions 'Is it like a tressure hunt?' 'What are we hiding?' but the other kids start trying to explain and soon everyone is just shouting. Clark raises his voice and goes "Listen! The only rule is you hide and don't let me find you, okay?"

The kids all turn to look at Superman with huge glinting eyes. He ask if there's any questions and they all shake their heads no, and so Clark finally turns around and starts counting down from 100...

The first thing the kids do is grab some Kryptonite along with lead reinforced clothes. Hacking the doors and getting out of the cave is child's play. By the time Clark gets to "Cero! Ready or not here I come!" half of them already left the manor.

Tim and Cass decide to stay close to the enemy, hiding in the air conducts and old passages of the manor. They get to watch the exact moment Clark realizes, 30 minutes in, that he can't find them.

Jason and Stephanie go the disguises route. They stay in Gotham where they're already familiar with life in the streets, blending in and disappearing.

Duke and Damian take Goliath and fly to Dinosaur Island. Mostly because Duke has never been and is exited about the dinosaurs, and Damian likes animals. Also the dinosaurs will distract Superman if he comes too close.

Dick goes... Well he doesn't know where to go. Honestly, after the first 3 hours of walking around he gets pretty bored. Clark has been flying from one side of the country to the other for ages and hasn't even come close to finding him once.

So Dick goes looking for Bruce instead. He's not doing anything, he might as well help Batman kick some.

That's how Batman turns around mid-fight expecting to find another goon only to see his 9 year old son who was supposed to be at the other side of the planet with his siblings. As an explanation Dick says "Superman is Superbad at hide and seek".

Clark never babysits again.

Dick: okay so we all agreed we're gonna focus all of our trauma healing, the skills we have gotten by our pain and suffering, and pass those tools along to Damian so maybe impossibly he'll end up a functioning adult

Jason: you really think this will work?

Steph: give him the stability of a family we never got? Damn if you're sure

Tim: idk he was already so traumatized when he got here it could be too late-

Dick: yeah but believe me Bruce is a wayyy better dad than he was with me, he was like 21 and encouraged me to jump chandelier from chandelier in the mansion because he thought it was funny

Jason: all the gentle parenting in the world isn't going to fix the demon brat's crazy genes-

Duke, rushing into the room: everyone shut up and look at this! Damian, tell them what you just told me!

Damian: -tt- I don't see why the fuss-

Duke: Tell them!

Damian: I am planning to retire Robin and instead focus my efforts on becoming a doctor.

Tim:

Jason:

Steph:

Dick: holy shit it actually worked

In a shocking, and unintentional, turn of events, Tim and Jason both end up at the airport on the same day. Jason heading to Ethiopia, and Tim to find his parents in Egypt.

Unfortunately, Tim is still very young and the airport is a lot more overwhelming than he originally thought it would be. Jason happens to have a soft spot for kids, especially kids who are trying their damndest not to cry.

Both Tim and Jason miss their flights. Bruce storms into the airport like an avenging mother bird who’s chick was stolen directly from the nest and takes Jason and Tim home with him and lets neither out of his sight for days.

Dick returns home from space to two living brothers.

(Courtesy of my lovely partner that doesn’t use Tumblr)

So. All of the masks/the batman cowl they all have. Cameras in them? So if something happens on patrol they have pictures.

This was supposed to be in case something back happened. Every like, minute or so, they take a picture which goes onto the batcomputer

One year for Christmas dick and Tim spend. Hours. Days. Going through the pictures from the cowl and making Bruce a scrapbook of just.. pictures of his kids? Because there aren't many pictures of them all together

And so you have like. Pictures of Damian and Tim ahead of him on patrol bickering and dick mid-fall because he was playing the "wait till the last second to grapple" game and then missed the trigger

The real gems are from the solo robin and batman patrols. Especially Jason and Dicks patrols

They find a picture of Jason all curled up in the batmobile sleeping in Bruce's cape its adorable

I think it's even cuter if Bruce like.. goes through the pictures a lot. And he leaves like. Notes? So he doesn't forget the context

Like under damian and Tim just "I have no idea what they were arguing about, but the look on Damians face.."

A note under a picture of little robin!dick looking MISERABLE and it's just "apparently his 'cool trick' was not worth the four stitches."

Everyone thinks Dick is a rule follower cause of the way he speaks, but his actions prove otherwise. Like I feel like he always says “that plan is insane we can’t do it” and then just turns around and does it himself but convinces himself it’s all good cause out loud he said it. Like he’s all “we have to listen to Bruce, he’s right” while he’s sneaking out with the batmobile.

Bruce: Okay, let me get this straight-

Tim: More like let me get this bi you. 

Jason: Let us ace-ess the situation. 

Dick: Let’s see how this pans out.

Damian: I’m gay. 

Bruce: 

Bruce: That’s all great and all, but WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KITCHEN FIRE?!