I Worried

ever since i was a child ive known that i wanted to, someday, be the mutilated corpse on a nature trail that ruins a hikers week

me because there’s no man in my house, no man in my phone and no man on my mind.

It’s crazy being an American from a southern thus very conservative state having lived in farther left leaning states because I am so used to having to put up all my defenses before I make a simple statement such as “This group of people should be treated just as human as you would treat John Doe.” So, living in a blue state is such culture shock because I can openly talk about things that would have me shunned in my hometown, unless I were with a very specific few people. For reference, where I’m from, I’m considered to be verrrryyy liberal and outspoken, but anywhere else I am most likely seen as the average person that should honestly be more politically involved. Fun fact about republicans, you absolutely cannot convince them that America’s government is ever in the wrong, or something bad is ever at the fault of the rich people they wish to be or that they surround themselves with. Also, no matter how much you beg, they will not pick up a book and further educate themselves with an open mind.

One must, in one's life, make a choice between boredom and suffering.

The American people are made out to be stupid because those wig wearing white men that slaughtered an existing civilization to create what we know as North America today, knew that they’d have to keep the people of their new world uninformed by convincing the people that there was nothing worrisome to be informed about. Those men knew that these people could never know to think that they were allowed to act like their founding fathers did. They instilled the idea that America is the home of the brave, the home of equal opportunity and of freedom. So that for years, whoever had an inkling that something may be suspicious with the inner workings of their country was made out to be crazy and unpatriotic for thinking such things, shunned by the true god-fearing Americans. In America, if you express your worry and unrest for the things that you and everyone else know are going on, you are a radical who ought to be shamed for believing that this beautiful country and the men in charge of it would ever do something like that. You’re taking the news we’re all seeing out of context. This news channel is just so biased, you shouldn’t be listening to it. All these people are dying for the better. The men in charge know what they’re doing. They’re trying to help you. They have a plan. Nobody would ever be so evil. You’re just silly, and every other country says so too.

“year in fashion” documentaries chronicling runway fashion by year (hour long each) 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008

I don’t really know what it is and I suspect it has something to do with trauma, but I constantly feel dirty. Showering multiple times a day, washing my hair more than I should, using wipes to wipe myself down if I can’t get to a shower etc. Literally nothing helps. I feel so disgusting and it’s actually like mental torture idk what to do. It makes me break down sobbing sometimes especially right after a shower and I still feel gross. Anybody have any tips?

Any song recommendations that match the vibe of this Pinterest board I made, except for the obvious? I’m trying to make a matching playlist, but im stuck.

Pinterest

beth on Pinterest

Explore a hand-picked collection of Pins about beth on Pinterest.

I worry that the only time I will ever feel comfortable is when a song I love is playing. One of the few constants in my life has been that I’ve always been able to effortlessly get lost within a song, an album or a curated playlist. Whenever I’m sad and blue, there’s a musician that’s already yearned the way I have and they’ve already written something that makes me feel safe and understood. The same goes for anything I feel, whether it be excitement or rage, there’s a song that speaks to that feeling. I’ve never found this sort of reliability or kindness within any person I’ve really known. I’m not a great songwriter and I’m most certainly no singer, but I really wish I could be among the many artists that have aided in saving my own, and surely other people’s lives many times.