Modern (no Powers) Au Where Crowned Clown Is A Tapeworm That Allen Formed An Emotional Attachment To

Nea: you look nice. Who dressed you, the Great Depression?

Cross: you look lonely, Nea. I’m so sorry I couldn’t attend your funeral 35 years go.

if the Noahs’ reincarnation was given to them via salesman

are you worried about dying young? generally disgusted by humans or sex? feeling a deep distaste for humanity, and an even deeper regret you won’t be able to inflict generational trauma on your non-existent children?

well if so, there’s great news! with “reincarnating into an already living person,” you can inflict all your worst memories to the next generation without all that reproduction and childrearing nonsense! All for the low low price of dying!

not doomed by the narrative, not saved by the narrative, but a secret third thing: employed by the narrative

mdzs au where everything is the same except jiang cheng calls wei wuxian “edge lord” during his yiling patriarch era

Xena: Gabrielle and I are courting!

Aphrodite: We already knew that?

Gabrielle: But we started courting two days ago?

Aphrodite: What the fuck were you doing before then?

Jiang Cheng: Is there anything you’re actually capable of doing?

Wei Wuxian: Putting up with you.

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

allen is better than me because if that many people apologized or expressed remorse for trying to kill me and/or fucking me over royally and then continued to try to kill me/fuck me over, I would have a body count. I’d be swinging. all the time.

I am but Sisyphus, pushing the boulder uphill, hoping for respite, damned by my own hubris. (I’m taking three (3) writing interviews courses and I have no one to blame but myself.)

paranormal investigator but the ghosts are the clients