Latest Posts by sassycostumegirl - Page 5

Of course you think I'm cool, this personality was tailored with you specifically in mind...

Do you ever wanna pull a grown man around by his scruff? Like hello? There is a reason I'm walking where I'm walking, get back in line

the cdc says please let me in your house. pretty please. i'm not a vampire i promise. i don't bite people either. i can't cross the threshold until you invite me in. you're being rude

She hadn’t seen it before, but he looks a wreck. Deep bags under his eyes, greasy, unkempt hair that’s falling out of his hat. There’s still flour and some egg remnants splattered on his face and clothes that he’s hastily trying to wipe off, but Kristin couldn’t care less about any of that. All she cares about is the way his eyes sparkle like sapphires when he looks at her, and that sudden energy courses through his body as he runs down the steps toward her.

“It’s Kristin!” he blurts, looking back at Niki, and then again to Kristin, blinking again and again like her very presence is incomprehensible. His voice is shaking too much to say anything more, his whole body trembling from far more than the cold as he draws nearer to her.

For the first time in so many years, Kristin doesn’t know what to do with herself. The mortal world is bright and overwhelming, and Phil is but one beautiful piece in all of it. She keeps an arm on a snow-covered spruce chair to steady herself, allowing him to take that final step towards her only because she doesn’t trust herself not to get horribly distracted if she reaches him first. “Hi,” Kristin says finally, feeling nearly as breathless as he looks.

the syndicate lore finale, but from c!kristin’s point of view, including all she did to get to phil.

reblog please thanks beloveds

My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."

He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."

He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"

I did.

"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."

It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.

So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.

To the child that jokingly tried to tell the group chat I'm gay, not realizing I've already announced it many times:

I'll fucking fight you bro, I've lost one too many chances to puch a homophobe and don't think being a kid is going to protect you

Ok so can someone tell me why my period was 10 days late last month and now it's 10 days early?

I'm not a fan of this.

If anyone would like a free body part I have one I'm willing to give away!

Whole-heartedly BEGGING writers to unlearn everything schools taught you about how long a paragraph is. If theres a new subject, INCLUDING ACTIONS, theres a new paragraph. A paragraph can be a single word too btw stop making things unreadable

prelude (2/2)

read the first part here

I think the discussion that made time loops my brand was entirely confined to Twitter, so since this website has gone all in on time loops of late, here, have the story:

Several years ago, I suggested to my wife that we have an agreement that if either one of us ever came to the other and said that we were in a time loop, we just accept that it's real and get on with things, thereby eliminating the frustration of the looping partner having to convince the other one every day.

She REFUSED. Because "time loops aren't real."

Well, we had this debate on and off for several years, and finally, she got tired of me bringing it up and agreed. So now we have a deal: We'll believe each other, but if I ever do it as a joke, the deal's off.

It turns out that the reason that my wife has been refusing to make this agreement is less that time loops aren't real, and more that she's concerned I would come to her one day, claim to be in a time loop, and then the next day declare the time loop had finally broken. And since that is, of course, exactly what it would look like to her if I really was in a time loop, she'd have no way of proving it.

I explained to her that she's completely right, that would be incredibly funny, but I'd never do it because there's a part of me that is legitimately nervous that I will actually end up in a time loop one day, and I need her to believe me.

scavenger hunting

Bouquet.

It's nice to feel appreciated but it's kinda annoying when it's literally not your job, and the second you give the person a chance to do their job, it all falls to shit.

I don't like micromanaging but if you give me no other choice...

heard porn bots might be following you guys again. sorry about that. but in some good news i have been gaining many new followers who are real stunningly beautiful women. welcome ladies :)

I think the message of Howl’s Moving Castle is that in order to maintain a successful relationship with some kind of fucked up wizard, you must find it in yourself to also be some kind of fucked up wizard.

there are many things tumblr as a whole has to learn but one of them is “someone can reblog a post without them endorsing every action the op has ever taken, we are not beholden to do background checks on the producers of every shitpost on the internet”

Instead of making up shitty racist headcanons about Miles shoplifting join me in headcanoning him picking up ballet because he thought Gwen being a ballerina was super neat and it would help him in his spiderman job

ao3 mcu a:aou abo bdsm ot3 hs au pwp

Tim, texting discreetly on his phone:

Tim: hey b

Bruce: What is it. I’m busy.

Tim: how busy

Bruce: Busy with Clark.

Tim: 👽 🍆

Bruce: Stop.

—

Tim: gremlin. r u back from your shonen tournament arc

Damian: I’m beating the Joker with a socket wrench.

Tim: owo

Damian: Please do not tell Father.

—

Tim: jason r u available

Jason: What do you want, goober?

Tim: i need help i brought Bernard up on a gotham bank gargoyle to see the city and he kissed me and my grapple fell but he doesnt know so im playing it cool but we’re stuck up here please come help me can you climb the gargoyle and lower a grapple to me so he doesn’t see please help i don’t want to look like an idiot i will do anything 😞😞😞

Jason: You’re stuck on a gargoyle with your conspiracy theorist boyfriend?

Tim: ye :(

Jason: LOL

Tim: JASON

Jason: Alright just play it cool. I’ll come find you. But you owe me one.

Imagine explaining braces to an alien.

Alien: this "lemonade" smells like it'll melt my skin. Will this melt my skin?

Human: probably not. Though it did dissolve the glue on one of my braces when I was a kid.

Alien: for me to understand how fully horrified I should be right now I need to know what "braces" are.

Human: oh, people that have the money for it get a bunch of metal put in their mouth to move their teeth into a perfect row. It's a very painful process that usually takes years.

Alien: metal??? On your face bones??? And it hurts?? Doesn't this impede your ability to eat??

Human: well yeah there are things you can't eat when you have them. And some foods you just stop eating because it gets stuck in your braces and it's really gross to get it all out. I still don't eat much bread. Certain foods can break the braces, so you weren't supposed to eat those

Alien: EATING could break the painful metal in your mouth???? WHAT KIND OF FOOD DO YOU PEOPLE EAT???

Human: well lemonade just dissolves the glue

Alien: WHAT?!!! And you want me to DRINK this?? No!! Now I know what people mean when they say you can never understand deathworlders. You people are nuts! I am never eating your substance dissolving, metal breaking food. Fuck that.

Human: alright, I'll drink yours *chugs the lemonade, much to the alien's fascinated horror*

Alien, whispering to themself: deathworlders are insane

nothing is funnier than Catholics getting mad at Anglican priests for having sex lives

At Christmas, my mother always makes a big pile of all the wrapping paper so we can "play" (think a leaf pile) in it for a few seconds once we've opened all the presents

All the while my dad stands anxiously nearby, ready with his trash bags, just waiting to swoop in when my mom gets tired

I keep trying to be tumblr threatening to my discord friends but they're all twitter freaks

Ok so currently I work with a circus and part of my job is to walk them to the stage before and after each show. We all happen to be wearing black clothes, they all have bits of their colorful costumes showing, and I have bright green hair.

It is my favorite thing to walk through the crowd afterwards, and the people tell the performers that they did a great job in the show. Then they see me at the end of the line and get so confused, cause they swear there wasn't a green haired person on stage but she was in line, and is dressed just like them so she must have performed too.

Absolutely hilarious

the concept of the dream smp is completely mad like are we sure that wasn't a two year collective fever dream. a bunch of the biggest streamers in the m'necraft sphere on a server where it took one afternoon of breaking bad references to kick-start a two year sprawling in-game roleplay involving geo-political tensions, nations, one of the most accurate depictions of abuse in anything, necromancy, possession, a giant red egg, ghosts, a live suicide attempt and coming to terms with how sh't your dad was. all streamed on youtube and twitch. peak viewership on a single day was like 1.4 million people, involving some of the biggest names in the online gaming sphere, mr beast would log on every now and again and stop everyone role-playing to hunt for a bunch of gift cards that never got used, they were all gay all of the time for some reason, lil nas x logged on one time and built a tree house?? are we sure that was real like sure there were plenty of news articles on it for some reason but are we all totally sure that happened

the funniest part of my appendix removal experience was being wheeled down to the operating room and as we were going my nerves were everywhere so i half-jokingly asked the nurse taking me if she still had her appendix bc i felt not normal for getting mine out on top of having the jitters about being cut open so i was trying to fill the silence and she just.. looked mildly offended while being like “uhhhh. yeah. of course i do” like…. my bad i guess

Showed the kids on my hike today how to eat the goo from honey locust seed pods but told them that without their parents present to consent, I couldn’t allow them to sample it.

“But I’ll eat it,” I said, “Because I forgot to bring lunch today and I need the calories.”

The kids collectively took this to mean that they should attempt to forage for me and feed me with the bounty of the forest, so for the rest of the hike I had children shoving nuts and berries and leaves in my face like “Eat this! Eat this!” and each time I had to be like, no, that’s inedible, no, that needs to be washed and cooked, no, I can see the mold on that, no, those contain a deadly poison that will kill my body in terrible ways if I eat it. Thank you of thinking of me but please stop trying to make me eat poison.

an underrated detail in pride and prejudice is that elizabeth bennett was home alone on the day darcy proposed because she had a headache. can you imagine. this was in the pre-painkillers era. you're at home with a headache and then this asshole walks into the room and tells you he loves you and wants to marry you even though he hates your whole family and you're beneath him. imagine having to deal with that while also having a headache. she doesn't even have ibuprofen

this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone