(teenagers Are So Fucking Wild And Change So Much In Such A Short Period Of Time Sometimes

lily evans potter: womanhood, motherhood & morality

lily as the dream girl in canon and fan spaces

i want to talk about this while there isn't a current upsurge in the discourse

Lily Evans Potter is introduced to us as Lily Potter, the dead mother of Harry Potter. Lily and James potter, dead, leaving their poor, miraculous son to live with the dull, horrible Durselys. We only ever see her through, with the exception of her sister, the memory of men.

I've said before that I believe James and Lily are the ideal masculine and ideal feminine, both to Harry and in a metatextual way. parents are our introduction into gender roles, the "correct" way to be a man and woman. since Lily is dead she cannot disappoint Harry. she can be imagined as the perfect woman, which is, of course, a wife and mother. the dream girl!

Lily's death makes her a silent, ever-loving, beautiful young mother, for both Harry and the reader. James is slightly deconstructed in SWM, but Lily is not. She is a fierce protector, brave, clever, and only emotional (angry) once James, her future husband, provokes her enough.

in the text Lily is not truly presented as flawed in a meaningful way. the moral choices she makes: to build a relationship with Severus, to defend Severus, to break their relationship when he refuses to reject bigotry, to join the Order, to die for her child, are all the correct moral choices. these are the choices the narrative is telling us to respect.

women have, for the past 200 years or so, been conceived of as the moral center of the family.* Lily Evans Potter is the moral center of the series. her choice to die is mirrored by the main character, Harry, and sparks the beginning of victory. Harry's sacrifice is enabled by another mother, Narcissa, making the correct moral choice because the power of her maternal love urges her to this choice. finally, Voldemort's most powerful follower, Bellatrix, is killed by a housewife and mother, Molly, in a maternal rage at the idea of her daughter being murdered.

Lily's sacrifice and the emotions behind it are mirrored multiple times in the final battle because it and she are the moral center of the series.

that Harry is frequently told he has his mother's eyes, and that Dumbledore points out how his essential nature mirrors his mother's, further highlights Lily's character and her choices as implicitly good.

women, especially mothers, as our moral authorities, is an unconscious cultural belief we can see play out in the fandom and subfandoms that Lily is discussed in. we can all recall the characterization of Lily as the goody-two shoes that James has to change for, the characterization of Lily as "not like other girls", the BAMF characterization, the current near mommy dom to James characterization.

the characterization of Lily changes with our view of the best kind of woman. but she is, always, demonstrating a most "correct" way to be. maybe it's 2007 and she's telling James off—not fun, but right. or it's 2012 and she's not preoccupied with boys like her classmates. or it's 2019 and she always knows the right thing to say to Remus when he's down on himself. or it's 2025 and James is trailing after her like a puppy while she contemplates what size strap to use on him after she beats up a bigot.

We don't see a lot of moderate views on Lily. Above, I've discussed how Lily lovers tend to portray her. Lily haters, a smaller group from what I can tell, do not utilize these common fanon characterizations. They disparage her as an immoral, selfish, bad woman. The wholesale rejection of Lily as the moral center based on her perceived immorality is the other side of the coin.

I'll refer to people with this perspective as "Lily haters" though I am aware there are people who dislike her outside of the topics I'm discussing.

I rarely engage with Lily haters, though I am aware of their arguments that Lily was a bad friend to Severus, a social climber, a gold digger, or boring. All grave sins for the woman who's supposed to save everyone.

This perspective doesn't reject Lily as the moral center or the perfect woman, it is an argument that she's not fulfilling her role correctly. Her unwillingness to give Severus more chances is selfish, stuck-up, classist. Her desire for James is an further betrayal of Severus.

She's supposed to be the Madonna, why is she being a whore?

I believe Lily hate comes from a belief she failed at being the perfect woman/mother, and therefore she is worthless. A bitch. Weak willed. Oversexed. even by haters her role as the moral center is not questioned.

in both the og text and in the fandom supertext Lily is the moral center because of her role as mother. her status as the moral center is inextricably tied to her motherhood. since Lily being a mother is the point of her character, divorcing her from her motherhood often changes the foundation of her character.**

when her literal motherhood is removed from a depiction of her character, her metaphorical status as the perfect woman/mother is often still intact. this is seen in the characterizations I described earlier, and, I argue, in the belief that she's too good for James when it is used as a "justification" for shipping James with someone else.*** thereby, she is further purified, not even having been touched by a man. she's put on a pedestal, where she can't be touched, and is rarely noticed.

it is also frequently seen when she is written as a side character in a relationship with James, and the pair become the dual moral guides for the main couple.

this reflects James and Lily as the ideal masculine and feminine, as they are a perfectly harmonious couple when a side pairing. their implicit canonical roles are subconsciously reflected in fanon with little critique or commentary on the canon text.

Lily's entire character is crafted to be The Perfect Mother™️. whether she is literally a mother in her fanon depiction or not, she is still The Perfect Woman™️—and is still affected by the biases our culture has towards women and mothers.

thus, Lily is the dream girl in the text, the moral center only seen through a nostalgic veil, and a dream girl in fan spaces, as the moral guide for the men in her life who pegs her husband or is too pure for the touch of a man.

for more on gender in the wizarding world, based on gender in early modern england (pre the cult of domesticity) see this post

*see the cult of domesticity if you'd rather not read the article

**please like fucking do not fucking act like I'm saying you cannot do this. I swear to fucking god

***you don't need to justify your ships

reblog if you wear glasses. too many mutuals don't know they have glasses wearers in their midsts

ooooooh my goshhhhhhhh this is the pRETTIEST!!!!!

Kinktober 2021 — Collar

Because long haired!Draco and himbo!Harry is a major mood

this is so important

shit man i thought i was e-x-t-r-a-o-r-d-i-n-a-r-y!!!!

leave me alone dad! i'm busy reblogging gay shit

my parents are looking at me weird cuz i burst into tears in the middle of economics revision!!!

𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘

- When they first got Harry, Remus wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Everything had happened so quickly, he had no time to grieve the loss of his friends before he was handed a small human with no sense of how to look after it. At first he panicked, never holding Harry, always letting Sirius look after him, shutting himself away so he didn’t have to acknowledge the situation they were in.

- He soon realised that that wasn’t fair on anyone, and began to spend more time with Harry. 

- It took a while, but they began to fall into a routine, Sirius would look after Harry in the morning (Remus couldn’t get out of bed before noon), and Remus would give him attention in the afternoon. They would go out into the village, play with new toys, read stories, plant flowers in the back garden. 

- It was on a summer afternoon when Harry said his first word. Remus was playing with him, swinging him around in his arms whilst Harry giggled and squealed, clutching his hair with his tiny fists. He tugged on his curls as Remus stopped to put him down, opening his mouth and gurgling “Moomee.” Remus froze, and Harry laughed again. “Moomee, Moomee, Moomee!”

- “Sirius! Sirius, come here!” 

“What, what’s wrong?” 

“Listen, go on Harry, say it again, Mooooony.” 

“Moomee!”

“Holy shit. Okay Harry, say Padfoot. Pad-foot.”

“Moomee!”

“I think he just likes me better, Pads.”

“Bullshit.”

“Bullshh!”

“No!”

- They had a ‘party’ that evening, celebratory noodles and garlic bread, Remus even gave Harry some of his chocolate bar, much to he Sirius’ dismay. “How come he gets your chocolate! All he did was say a few words!” “He’s a baby, Sirius.”

- After that day, Harry started speaking more, and soon enough they had a small child of four running around and grabbing their legs. He was a good kid, helped Sirius cook meals and cuddled Remus after full moons.

- He would wait outside Sirius and Remus’ bedroom door, waiting until Sirius allowed him to come in, before climbing carefully onto the bed where Remus was laying.

“Padfoo said Moomee’s sick,” he said, frowning at Remus. 

“Moomee isn’t feeling very well at the moment,” Remus replied, smiling weakly.

“Like when I have stomach bugs?”

“Yes, like when you have stomach bugs.”

 Harry scrunched up his face. “Want a hug? Paddy said you feel better with cuddles.”

“I would love a cuddle.”

-  It wasn’t long after Harry turned five when they decided to tell him about his parents. 

- They’d been putting it off until he was old enough where he could full understand, but not old enough that he would believe that they’d been lying to him for his life. That was the last thing they wanted. They started the process slowly, telling bedtime stories about James and Lily, showing him photographs and letters. 

- “That’s my mummy?” he questioned one evening, pointing to the photo they had presented him with.

“And that’s your dad,” Remus said.

Harry looked up at them with wide, green eyes. “You’re not my dad?”

“We’re your dads now, little sprog,” Sirius said with a small smile, “But that’s your real dad, that’s why you look just like him.”

Harry nodded, holding the photograph in front of his face and giving both James and Lily a kiss. 

“Kisses for mummy and daddy!”

He didn’t fully understand when Remus started crying.

“I made Moomee sad,” he said when Remus left the room. 

“You didn’t make Moomee sad, Prongslet,” Sirius reassured, pulling him for a hug. “Moomee just…he just misses your mummy and daddy.”

“Because they’re gone?”

“Yes. Because they’re gone.”

“Do you miss my mummy and daddy?”

Sirius swallowed the lump building in his throat. “I miss them lots and lots.”

“Do I make you sad?”

“No,” Sirius said, shaking his head. He ruffled the boys mess of hair, making him giggle. “You make me very, very happy.”

If you're looking for some great must read mlm books, this is the list for you!

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Social Skills by Sara Alva

Silent by Sara Alva

One Man Guy by Michael Barakiva

Hold My Hand by Michael Barakiva

Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak

Alan Cole Is Not a Coward by Eric Bell

Alan Cole Doesn’t Dance by Eric Bell

Queeroes by Steven Bereznai

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Ziggy, Stardust and Me by James Brandon

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

Felix Yz by Lisa Bunker

Exit Plans for Teenage Freaks by Nathan Burgoine

Last Bus to Everland by Sophie Cameron

The House of Impossible Beauties by Joseph Cassara

Peter Darling by Austin Chant

Gives Light by Rose Christo

Stranger Than Fanfiction by Chris Colfer

Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich

There Goes Sunday School by Alexander C. Eberhart

Lock & West by Alexander C. Eberhart

The Screwed Up Life of Charlie the Second by Drew Ferguson

Love & Other Curses by Michael Thomas Ford

Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales

Tales from Foster High by John Goode

How Not to Ask a Boy to Prom by S.J. Goslee

Whatever.: or how junior year became totally f$@ked by S.J. Goslee

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green & David Levithan

Half Bad by Sally Green

Half Wild by Sally Green

Half Lost by Sally Green

Heartbreak Boys by Simon James Green

Geography Club by Brent Hartinger

We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra

Middle School’s a Drag, You Better Werk by Greg Howard

Social Intercourse by Greg Howard

Totally Joe by James Howe

After School Activities by Dirk Hunter

At the Edge of the Universe by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley by Shaun David Hutchinson

A Complicated Love Story Set in Space by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Boy Who Couldn’t Fly Straight by Jeff Jacobson

Haffling by Caleb James

The Red Sheet by Mia Kerick

The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune

A Destiny of Dragons by T.J. Klune

The Consumption of Magic by T.J. Klune

A Wish Upon the Stars by T.J. Klune

The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune

Flash Fire by T.J. Klune

Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg

The Bridge by Bill Konigsberg

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

Every Day by David Levithan

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis

When Ryan Came Back by Devon McCormack

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Vivaldi in the Dark by Matthew J. Metzger

Life as a Teenage Vampire by Amanda Meuwissen

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

The Art of Starving by Sam J. Miller

Hero by Perry Moore

Marco Impossible by Hannah Moskowitz

Like a Love Story by Abdi Nazemian

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

More Than This by Patrick Ness

Earth to Charlie by Justin Olson

Play Me, I’m Yours by Madison Parker

Here’s to You, Zeb Pike by Johanna Parkhurst

Junior Hero Blues by J.K. Pendragon

When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid

Jack of Hearts by Lev A.C. Rosen

Camp by Lev A.C. Rosen

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell

My Awesome/Awful Popularity Plan by Seth Rudetsky

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow High by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow Road by Alex Sanchez

So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

All Kinds of Other by James Sie

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

Freak Show by James St. James

Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein

Imaginary by Jamie Sullivan

(In)visible by Anyta Sunday

The Dangerous Art of Blending In by Angelo Surmelis

366 Days by Kiyoshi Tanaka

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Wild and Crooked by Leah Thomas

Because You’ll Never Meet Me by Leah Thomas

Fan Art by Sarah Tregay

Suicide Watch by Kelley York

Thanks to my friend @lostintrace for the art, each are characters from books on this list. If you want help picking out a book, hit my inbox!

Header: Red, White & Royal Blue (L) and Carry On (R)

Red: Jack of Hearts (and other parts)

Orange: Alan Cole Is Not a Coward

Yellow: Heartbreak Boys

Green: The Lightning-Struck Heart

Blue: Boy Meets Boy

Purple: Cemetery Boys

amen, bitch!

half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole

"Co-captain?"