People Don't Talk Enough About How Fucking Funny It Is That Bruce Can Sub In His Kids As Batman When

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

More Posts from Screwlowes and Others

screwlowes

6 months ago

writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.

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screwlowes

1 month ago

hello writers.

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screwlowes

6 months ago

You're Right And You Should Say It.

You're right and you should say it.

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screwlowes

1 year ago

So, over the course of four-ish hours, I just handwrote 38 pages of a short story... My hand is going to fall off 😭😭😭

But I'm going to type it up soon, and I might link it to my profile... I'm not sure though.

It's a prequel to my long-term novel I'm currently writing. The short story is nameless so far, but the novel is called The Ones who Hurt, and it just recently hit 100 pages! It's a high fantasy novel about a cowardly superhero, an empathetic ex-villain, a bisexual human, a very sapphic queen, three undead-ish assassins, Fae royalty, a historic mystery, a suspicious cult, and a whole lot of family drama.

If anyone would be interested in reading the short story and potentially excerpts from the novel as it gets written, please comment or DM me. Please reblog this and interact with it, I really would love more author and reading friends! :]

@unmellowyellowfellow @queen-of-hobgobblers @deadandgaysetanta

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original character writing short story writer writblr original content novel writing fantasy novel the ones who hurt first time talking about my novel interact pls i want friends

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screwlowes

5 months ago

Lego Dreidels

Lego dreidels

Source: biblebeltbalabusta.com

The intersection of Lego and Jewish holidays is always fun. Especially if the constructions actually do stuff. Like spin.

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screwlowes

8 months ago

I mean, *I* wouldn't but I wouldn't bone anyone 🤣🖤🩶🤍💜

I would, however, give you, like, three fake numbers saying they're my friends numbers, just to piss the better off

I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

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funny asexual motorcycle reblog to save conpeople have to stick together we can be ghost buddies! cons

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screwlowes

7 months ago

RB to give prev a fresh and warm loaf of challah

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screwlowes

7 months ago

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screwlowes

1 year ago

Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

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Frank (information and advice on drugs):0800776600

Drinkline:0800 9178282

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screwlowes

9 months ago

First slide. The title reads "drawing characters with Down syndrome". Below that: "myth that I need to get out of the way before the actual tutorial: [caps] people with DS do not look the same [end caps]. They share similar features, but there is no one face that every person with DS has. Most people with DS won't have every single trait, just pick what works for your character." Around that are three actual photos; from top to bottom; a photo of the actress Gigi Cunningham, a Black woman in her 20s posing with her hands on hips; a photo of Zhou Zhou, a Chinese man in a suit conducting an orchestra; portrait photo of Georgie Wildgust, an elderly white man smiling to the camera. Each photo is captioned with the person's name.

Second slide. Title reads: "face shape". Subtitle: "the vast majority of people with Down syndrome are fat. If you know how to draw double chins etc. you will have an easier time, Not every person with DS shares these features. They're just common." Next to that text box are two drawings of a featureless bust with a sharp jawline and defined cheekbones, with big red X next to them. Below that reads "play with shapes like rectangles, circles, trapezoids!" featuring each of the shapes. Under them are renditions of characters with Down syndrome with faces based off the shapes: a South Asian woman with hearing aids with a square face, a white person with hoop earrings and a round face, and a Black man sporting a buzzcut with a face widening at the bottom. Text below reads "notice the lack of defined jaw and short, wide neck." Under that are three simple sketches of people with Down syndrome from different angles with the aforementioned features highlighted.

Third slide. Title is "body". Subtitle reads: "Down syndrome affects the body shape too. Again, the majority of people with DS are fat". Below that are two stick figures, one tall and skinny, second short and fat. The latter has "most people will be closer to this: short, fat, short neck" written next to it. Below the former reads "some people with Down syndrome are skinny and/or average height but they're a minority. like
Sofía Jirau (she's like 4'10)". The last sentence has an arrow pointing to a photo of Jirau - she's a skinny Latina woman posing with her hands spread out and excited expression. The next section is titled "things most people don't know". Text box reads "some people with DS have clinodactyly of the pinkie finger. Basically the top section of it is curved inward". There is a drawing of exactly that next to it. Below is another drawing of a hand, with two creases marked on the palm. The text reads "You know how how almost everyone has 3 creases on their palm? Well people with DS have 2. I know 99% of people don't draw palm creases but it's cool".

fourth slide, called "eyes". text reads "probably the most characteristic feature, so it's important to get right. People with Mosaic Down syndrome (more on it later!) will often have this as one of the few visible traits". top right has a close-up of a blue iris with white dots going around the pupil. It's captioned "these white spots going in a circle are called Brushfield spots. A lot of people with DS have them". Below that is a step-by-step tutorial on drawing eyes. First step focuses on the general shape, with the text reading "there's a lot of shapes to choose from: almond; round; upturned; + more but these are most common". Each of them has a drawing attached. Step two focuses on eyelids. Text reads "pronounced eyelids, both bottom and upper ones. They have a very noticeable crease". There's two pairs of eyes with heavy eyelids under that. Step three shows wrinkles around the eyes. Text: "some people with DS will have creases around the eyes + large bags under the eyes; if you have a simpler artstyle probably skip this one". Attached drawing shows a pair of eyes with wrinkles coming form the upper eyelid on the outer side and bags under the eyes. Step four reads "give them strabismus [many exclamation points]! I know artists are allergic to drawing strabismus if it's not for a joke but crossed eyes are actually awesome [awesome in all caps], (ok not all have strabismus but like half do)". Drawing attached shows a person with DS and strabismus.

fifth slide. first section is titled "nose + mouth area". text reads "this is pretty loose and not every person with DS even has visible differences there, some might only have some, etc". Below that is a drawing of a man with DS wearing a yarmulke. The text next to him reads "nose is generally flat; no philtrum (the part between lips and nose is smooth); nose can be smaller and higher up (slightly); smaller upper lip*; tongue is physically larger, some people might stick it out". The asterisk leads to a text box: "again though, people with DS look different from each other and these are Relative. A Black person with DS might have a slightly smaller lip while a white person can look like they don't have upper lips at all". Relevant sections have arrows leading to a drawing of a Black woman with visible lips, and a white guy with very thin lips. Second section is titled "side view". It features drawing of a white woman from the side. Text reads "eyelids still very visible" with a diagram on how to draw the characteristic eyes and eyelids from the side. Lower text box reads "flatter face with flat nose bridge and small upper jaw; chin often sticks forward. For a lot of people the chin and nose will protrude a similar amount". The aforementioned features are all color coded on the drawing.

sixth slide, titled "additional things and stuff". below it is a small sketch of a face with the ear visible, the earlobe isn't hanging freely. text: "earlobes are connected! ears are smaller, rounder, and set lower". next to that are two drawings, one of a pair of glasses and other of hearing aids, the later accurately captioned "world's worst drawn hearing aids". main text reads "Down syndrome comes with vision loss (very often) and hearing loss (not as often but still a lot)".
Diagram below has three drawings of different people with Down syndrome, titled "there are actually three types of Down syndrome". First drawing is captioned "Trisomy 21", it shows a fat South Asian woman with hearing aids and cataracts with classic DS facial features and vitiligo. Text below reads "95% of people with DS have this one; what you think of when thinking Down syndrome; has most or all the features". Second drawing is of a fat white woman with short dyed hair and hoop earrings with the same common facial characteristics, titled "Translocation 21". Text below reads "3% have it; there are some genetic differences but visually not so much; has most or all the features". Third drawing shows a Black woman with pink afro hair with heavy-lidded, upturned eyes and round ears but otherwise no DS-coded features, titled "Mosaic 21". Text reads "2% have it; 'partial' Down syndrome; some people don't know they have it; has few to most features". On the side there is a clip art thumbs up emoji with a png background with "hope this was helpful" written over it.

tutorial for drawing characters with Down syndrome!

DISCLAIMER... please keep in mind that this is an introductory drawing tutorial and has some generalizations in it, so not every “X is Z” statement will be true for Actual People. it's more of an overview of features that are common in people with Down syndrome, not meaning to imply that every person with DS has all of them 👍👍 thanks

if you draw any characters using this feel free to tag me!!

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screwlowes - friendly neighborhood gremlin

screwlowes

friendly neighborhood gremlin

just your friendly neighborhood gremlin probably won't post too much, just because I don't really know what I have to offer to the platform. my goal is to be as chaotic and funny as possible, while still spreading knowledge about my special interests. Said interests include, but are not limited to: The Scarlet Witch, Young Avengers, Keeper of the Lost Cities, words, etymology, random knowledge that I don't know what to do with, wonder woman, Hellenistic Polytheism, writing, art, and other things that relate to the above topics please message me if you have any questions about the above topics, or wish to be friends! 😃❤️ thanks, Seraphina ❤️

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