Dear Fandom, 

Dear Fandom, 

I’m writing this because because there has been drama. I am not writing it aimed at of the specific root of the drama, but at the sick oozing puss that has seeped out of that drama. I’m writing this because of the hate. The hate that’s spread from that drama and touched the lives of so many people I know and care about. 

I don’t like discourse, anyone who’s followed me for a while knows I like to stay out of it and promote the more positive side of things, but it’s gotten to the point this time where I’m angry. I’m angry for friends and I’m angry because none of this should have happened, and yet here we are sitting in a pool of anger and frustration and hurt. 

So I have a few things to say. I have some questions and I have some thoughts, and lastly I have a challenge for you: Fandom. 

This probably does not apply to most of you, and I’m unsure if it will sway those of you perpetuating the hate, but I need to say it and I hope you will at the very least listen. 

I have to know, Fandom, when did you forget why we were all here? When did you forget that Fandom is about community? That community means a melting of ideas, personalities, and most of all a meeting place of People? When did you allow the flood of images and text to erase the fact that behind all of that are real, living, breathing, humans? Of different ages, races, genders, and personalities? 

I joined fandom because I didn’t want to be alone. I joined for the joy of being able to share in this experience (and in my case it’s Batman) with you all. I sat down and said “I love this and I want to talk about it with people. I want to get excited about or whine about or simply engage in this thing with others”. We all did, right? We all wanted to see someone else’s excitement burst out of them. Wanted to see what others would create. Wanted to create for others. Wanted to have a group to talk to about this cool thing we’ve found. 

We came here for passion, and in many ways I think that has become warped. I think that somewhere between passion and engagement we forgot that Usernames/Icons = people. It’s an easy thing to forget. It’s something I’ve forgotten and I’ve regretted that. I have to remind myself every day that the people I interact with online are like me, they’re someone excited to share in this adventure that is fandom. I also think this forgetting is a cause of the grumblings that bleed from a fandom. We forget that it’s another person on the other side of the screen and lash out. 

What I don’t understand is the utter venom with which some people spread that anger. What drives someone to tell another person to kill themselves? What drives them to threaten harm or wish rape upon someone? How can this hate be so visceral? What good does it do to anyone? 

In looking at these question, I find myself looking at the reason for Discourse. I believe that a lot of discourse comes from good intentions. I think that many times one person enters into discussion with another with the intent to converse, and then it snowballs into something worse. And I think that internet culture has created a space where we gang up on a single individual for being “wrong”. Call it purity culture or cancel culture or whatever term you have for it, it only serves to take good intentions and turn them sour. It only serves to hurt. 

We have somehow lost wanting to talk about what’s right in the face of needing to be the one who is right. And I think that’s created a lot of the trouble we have. 

I think that we, in this wide world of letting everyone see everything, have lost the blessing of personal conversations. I think we have forgotten that some people know less. Some people are young. Some people will never be swayed. And sometimes, yes, we are wrong. 

Something we have gained–to our detriment– is the idea that the internet is here for us. That creators are here to give us what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. And the thing with that is that it’s backwards. 

It’s up to you to curate your online experience. Websites are built in with age restrictions (not that anyone follows them, but again: up to you). Most creators I know are good enough to tag things properly. To give warnings. To tell people Hey! Lookout! But even if they didn’t it’s not up to them to curate your experience for you, Fandom. That’s your job. That’s what the unfollow button is for. That’s what filters are for. That’s what the block button is for. That’s why that sweet bunny Thumper said all those years ago “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”.

If you don’t agree with/like/enjoy something, then why on Earth are you engaging with it? 

Let’s say you like a creator and honestly do want to engage with the content, and still disagree. Why on earth are you sending hate? Why send threats? Why be so cruel? If you want to talk about something: Talk. If you’d like to sway a creator’s point of view: have a discussion. Before you go and tell someone they’re wrong, consider how getting that ask would feel if it were you. Be aware that that person is a Person and maybe they will never agree with you.

This isn’t me saying don’t engage, and don’t converse, it’s me saying that when do, do it the right way. Do it considering the other person. Do not do it so you can have the pleasure of knocking them down a few pegs (even if you utterly disagree). Do it with kindness, not hate. Perpetuating hate against someone is wrong and not the answer. And if you absolutely cannot message someone respectfully, then yes this is me saying don’t message them at all. 

Here’s the thing about hate. It’s toxic. Hate is gross. Hate only breeds worse things. Hate turns misunderstandings into Discourse. Hate turns attempts at peace into floods of anons in inboxes and the screaming voices of (one or two maybe three) people into a repetitive thud thud thud of thunderous terror and fear and that sick swimming pit in your stomach. 

Hate brings out the dregs of humanity and it puts them on a show for their own benefit. Hate online, (on tumblr, but probably everywhere) is for the benefit of the one spewing the poison. It is so the hater can sit back and crow about how they have hurt how they have won how they have conquered over the little back text on the little white screen and how their words have become the victor.  

Hate does nothing good. 

We are all different and have different opinions and that’s okay! It’s good to be different, and challenge each other (in a positive way). Just remember that no one is perfect and no one should be held on a pedestal. 

So here is my challenge to you, Fandom: 

Be kind

Be gracious 

Respect others

Give someone the benefit of the doubt 

Remember that we all came here for the same reason

Do not spew hate, pause a moment and consider your words

And because it bears repeating: Be kind