Secret-fandom-stash - Whale Whale Whal

once again thinking about hobbit/dwarf cultural differences and I really like the idea of dwarves being all about actions speaking louder than words and are very physically affectionate with their friends and family and more generally casual touch/contact is very normal to them

Bilbo finds this out very quickly with all the initial pats on the shoulder/arm/back, which turn into arms slung over his shoulders, hugs, head pats, and a lot of casual leaning into him whether seated or standing up, as well as the various times the dwarf nearest him will quickly grab him and/or put themselves between him and any perceived danger - they're a mighty protective bunch considering they've only known Bilbo a few months

He thinks he's used to how touchy dwarves are until Thorin grabs his hand one day to assist/drag him across a rocky path through a river, and Bilbo is just about having a conniption fit at the romantic implications (from a hobbit perspective) meanwhile Thorin thinks absolutely nothing of it because from a dwarven perspective he has no reason to

I’ve had this headcannon for so long I’ve forgotten it’s not actually canon but I like to think that hobbits are sort of like billy goats in a way. That they can eat just about everything. Immunity to most poisons, able to eat raw or even rotten meat and vegetables without getting sick (though it’s more out of desperation then actual want) and so on.

To add on to this I like to think that because of this hobbits tend to have extremely high tolerance when it comes to alcohol and other narcotics. They can drink as much as a full grown dwarf and barely be tipsy. Which would lean more into their reputation for very high quality smoke and drink.

I’ve thought about possible reasons for this and most start with some sort of famine hundreds of years prior that made them evolve to be able to survive with little to nothing, forcing them to eat foods that to most aren’t even edible. Poisonous mushrooms, rotten meat, venomous bugs, straight up dirt.

Obviously since hobbits current day tend to be seen as a wealthy but humble sort of race I’d imagine the days of famine are long gone but the traits that let them survive have stayed, evolving more into letting them eat large quantities of food probably with some trade off of needing to sleep less or something. But the average weight for the race has grown as the extra food and less time spent foraging for such food has made them rounder

Anyway this has all combined into this idea in my head that every so often bilbo will eat something near the company, probably during the trip when they were extremely low on food, something that the dwarfs most certainly couldn’t eat without dying but bilbo would neglect to inform them of how strong a hobbits stomach is and the company would collectively freak tf out

Along with that I’d imagine later down the road (we’re heading into shipping territory) that if thorin and bilbo got married that would upset quite a lot of people, a hobbit and a dwarf, could you even imagine??? Royal marriages do tend to always upset at least one person but obviously that would raise the possibility of an assignation attempt. The good ole “poison their food”. I’d imagine Bilbo would make some comment about the food tasting odd but continue eating it no problem just for a guard or someone to burst into the room to inform them about the attempt on bilbos life, however bilbos bowl is currently empty and home boy seems just fine. I’d imagine thorin would be extremely dramatic about the whole thing, refusing to let Bilbo sleep so he can keep an eye on him the rest of the night in case he starts dying, much the bilbos irritation.

I’d also imagine that because of their resistance to famine and odd foods, plus the extra weight that if in a situation where truly no food is present, they could go for much longer time periods without eating and be just fine, though maybe slightly uncomfortable

Word vomiting over.

More family shenanigans...

The math is mathing

The doomed timeloop yaoi

It’s 2am idk

Danny didn't tell Dani that he was dating. Jazz told Dani who Danny was dating. Dani was upset with Danny for not telling her that he was dating Captain Marvel. So she came up with a little scam.

Dani: *flies into the meeting room* DAD! DAD!

Heroes: *watch in shock as the girl hugs Marvel, continuing to call for her dad*

Billy: *blue screen of death sound*

Dani: Daddy! Father won't let me go to Africa!! *starts crying loudly*

Marvel: *starts calming her down, although he doesn't understand what the hell she's saying* Hush, hush, I'll talk to him.

Dani: Really? *looks at Marvel with big puppy eyes*

Marvel: Really, really. *pats her on the head* I'll talk to him after the meeting. Come home, otherwise he'll worry.

(He's in a panic, he doesn't understand what he's saying, but the girl looks like his boyfriend. Danny said he had a clone. Billy will play as long as necessary)

Dani: But I want to stay with you. You come home so rarely because of work.

Marvel: Honey, you know it's not easy being a hero.

Dani (didn't expect Captain to play along): But you don't have time for me.

Marvel: I have all the time in the world for you.

Dani: *hugs Marvel* I love you daddy.

Marvel: I love you too, honey.

The League: *stands with their mouths wide open, staring at this picture*

Danny nearly has a heart attack when Dani and Billy tell him everything. Dani is grounded for a few days. Billy is terrified as his communicator is blowing up with emails and calls from his colleagues. Everyone wants to know more details. So Billy does what a normal person does. He goes on a two-week mission to another world, leaving Fawcett to protect Danny.

Flash: Who are you and where is Captain?

Danny: Marvel is in another world. He wrote to you.

Superman: You look a lot like that girl.

Danny: *sweats* Of course. That's how it should be.

GL: You're her father!!

Batman: What kind of creature are you? And how old are you?

Danny: I'm a ghost. I died when I was fourteen, but that was a long time ago! A long, long time ago! I just look like this.

Diana: How did you meet Marvel?

Danny: *keeps a straight face while screaming inside* You know, it just...happened? You know, like Penelope and Odysseus? Exactly the same! Yeah!

Batman: You're protecting the city instead of Marvel?

Danny: Yeah, and I'd be glad if you left. Magic City and all that crap. Fawcett still doesn't like me.

GL: The city is alive?

Danny: He's definitely more alive than me, so leave before he sets some magical parasites on you. Marvel won't be happy if he finds magical lice on you.

And eventually everyone comes to the conclusion that Marvel and Phantom are married.

Billy:*bursts into Danny's room* Why do they think we're married?!

Danny: How should I know?! They're your coworkers!!

The Hobbit but Angst Bagginshield!

- [ ] Essentially a Deadpool Bilbo, but with s slower regeneration

Everything that could’ve gone wrong with Bilbo and the “adventure” Gandalf sent him on did, he had died numerous times with no one the wiser. It was only when Thorin, in his gold suck haze, threw Bilbo from the top of the wall did the rest of the company watch him die.

Gandalf, having grabbed his broken and bruised body, took him back to the Elvin camp. After some time he came back and briefly explained what/ how his powers worked and how they came to be. When what hobbit called the “fell winter” happened he was supposed to have died alongside his parents but awoke a week after they tried to flee across the brandybuck river.

Later he learns what became of the company following his demise, Thorin now broken out of his gold sick, had retreated further into the dark halls for what he’s done to his Amrâlimê, the others just sit in the dinning hall and wait for the hordes of goblins and orcs to take them.

Hearing this, Bilbo quickly dresses and marches from Dale to the stone wall he was thrown from two days prior. Using the rope he left on the side, he quickly scaled to the top and began the search for his dwarves and his missing king

Dwarves reactions to him still being alive

I imagine it happens during the battle when he saves Thorin, the princes, or Dwalin? Just keeping it the same as the movie.

I could also see Bilbo in all his self righteous nature being like, “I mean they already know I can’t die 🤷🏼‍♀️” and throws himself between Thorin and the white orcs blade.

Thorin and Bilbo can fix things and hold each other after the battle was won, just like the movie should have ended! 😂