“Things I Know About Healing: Speaking Kindly To Yourself Helps A Lot.”

Today the spongebob episode of Pearl’s sweet sixteen came on, and it reminded me of the time it came on, on my 18th birthday and it made me happy lol 

by aviothic__rinki

if you want to create but feel intimidated and overwhelmed, you're forgetting something: good art doesn't exist. all art is terrible. every story and song and movie and picture is worse than the one before it and all artists should be in prisom

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Oh boy so many setbacks this month.

It honestly started off so good. And now its ended in a confusing way. I’m trying to handle each month as slow as I can. February feels like 2 years ago lol. 

I watched Nezha 2, 3 times lmao. I almost saw it a 4th time, but I had to restraint myself plus I’m short on money for the month. it's probably gonna be one of my favorite memories of the year. I love that movie so much. I don’t even consider myself to be a big 3d animation fan. Some of my faves are Megamind, httyd, happy feet and maybe tangled shrugs. But I never saw any of them in theaters tho.

Nezha 2 is almost 3 hours long not including travel to get to the theater(it’s not in the best area either). So I must really love the hell out of this movie to waste 3-4 hours to see it(I do I really do). It’s such a great movie, I think about it almost everyday. There’s so much I can say about it about it but I will end up writing a book on why it's great lmao. I’m so jealous of all the merch it gets out of the U.S. our country is full of so much hate. I can’t wait for the dvds, and the art books 😫. I wish it could stay in theaters forever lol, so I can see it whenever. 💖

Other stuff that happen, I cleaned my bedroom, I made it as functional as I can, hopefully for the rest of the year. It still needs a lot of work but I think I used up too much energy on it and was feeling like a dried jerky for a week just floating in the air, head empty no thoughts ugh.

The weather has been really nice out, I was out a lot this month, I wasn’t doing anything fun tho, but I had some cute outfit combos that I didn’t get a chance to take pics of, sigh I always forget. 

Some of the cherry trees are in bloom, I think it just the dark pink ones tho, still I love walking around outside just to see them.

This month I really was drawing a lot. The question of what do I want to draw just flashes in my head all the time. What do I want to draw, what do I want my art to look like? Idk, I just want to draw lol. I think that in the early 2010s I use to draw for myself, whereas now I am self conscious about what others might think.

sobs I’m just rambling now. I wanted to post more this month but it’s been a long ride. Hopefully April is less bumpy. 

why do I only have two settings, clean and sad 

“The past doesn’t need you anymore. Your future does.”

— Unknown

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Remnants of April

April was pretty ok, when I wasn't spiraling lmao. I kept hoping that my April would be cool, cause my March was so ass. But when I started to think about it, I'm not sure what a good month is like, I haven't had one in a while lol, I forgot how they felt.

I got caught up with a lot of anime backlog,

svsss

Ousama

Apothecary(even tho I didn't finish yet)

Castlevania Nocturne (sososososososo good!!!! have to watch again)

Arcane(I'm so late ik, it was so good tho, a bit short but cool)

Kuroshitsuji school arc

its been really comforting, helps me not think so much. I even started keeping track of them when I finish lmao, and adding more stuff to watch. I thought this was gonna be my book year. I did manage to finish TGCF book 5, it was so good, that book had me giggling, it was a really silly book, with a lot of dark themes. It got really heavy at some parts (well for me it did). I keep thinking about all of MXTX's series and how I feel no problem in rereading Svsss and MDZS over and over again. But when I think of TGCF I feel sick lmao, this series is so dark and sad at times( XL past I mean, and others) that I just shutter at the thought of rereading. I will have to bookmark all the past arcs so I can skip them lmao. I can watch the donghua's just fine tho, maybe because they haven't touch any of the heavy arcs. (probably never will sob) 😭.

I also got a lot of books in April too, I haven't gotten to enjoy them yet, cause my life is always in chaos lol. But still super excited for them. Gonna miss you April, you were actually a chill month. May is kind of kicking my butt now, and it's only the 6th lol.

May so far, I haven't had an appetite for like a week now. It's kind of freaking me out. Like I still try to eat but I get full so fast and then I feel like wanting to vomit if I try to overeat ugh. At first I was like this is good, I can indicate when to stop eating. But then I got sad because I like food and I like eating. But my body won't let me ughhhhhhhh lol. I hope this doesn't last.

I got a haircut, it was long overdue, I cut like 4 inch. I asked my mom to cut it. usually I cut it myself but I was just so tired that day and asked her to do it, I wanted her to cut more, but she has this control thing about hair or whatever, I would cut it all off if I wouldn't absolutely hate myself the next day.(it has to be someone else lmao)

I have decided to sell clothes that I don't use anymore or never have used. I am lowkey excited about getting rid of things. My brain has been on sell rot and everything I touch I'm like "YES SELL IT" lmao.I have a lot of clothes that I have accumulated over the years and never regulated because life keeps getting in the way, so I've just been ignoring the mess lol. So thats why I am excited that I found a solution for this. I'll try to also donate half of it to, I just need it all to go. But I have to be calm and be smart about this because I still need clothes to wear lol.

sigh~ this was suppose to be a short post

Hans Christian Andersen's 'The Wild Swans' by Svend Otto S.