Intimacy

intimacy

ryomen sukuna x f!reader

**part of my best friends older brother fic

previous part linked here

--

sukuna wakes up three hours later to the bright light of your phone, and more distinctively, your right hand in his hair, brushing his pink locks away from his forehead. he blinks the sleep out of his eyes properly to find you sitting criss crossed within the sheets, hunched over on your phone, with your face scrunched up in frustration. 

he half considers not broaching why you’re awake at this hour just to ensure that your touch wouldn’t cease. that you’d continue tangling your fingers with his hair. 

“what’s your problem?” he asks. 

you retreat your hand from his hair, wincing as you mumble out your apology. sukuna muses that you were almost getting too predictable. 

“did i wake you up?” you ask. 

sukuna scoots closer to you on the bed, before lifting one of your legs to readjust himself. he’s settled himself right in between the softness of your thighs, before he reaches for your hand again and sets it back into his hair. 

you swallow commenting on how needy he is as you comb through the tresses of his hair, noting how he seems to soften into your legs the more pressure you apply. 

“what’s so important on your phone that you’re interrupting my sleep?” he mumbles. 

“sorry. was just texting megumi. i was supposed to call yuuji when he got home but it kind of slipped my mind.” you respond, before setting your phone down into the sheets and placing your other hand into his hair too. 

“something distracting you?” 

sukuna grins as he flips over, lifting his head to rest his chin against your stomach. he places a kiss to your clothed skin before giving you a sleepy smile. 

“clearly.” you respond. 

“he’s okay?” 

“yeah. i’ll talk to him tomorrow.” 

“nothing i could help him with i suppose. no one understands shitty older siblings like the two of you.” 

you tense underneath him, enough for him to wish he minced his words. sukuna knew that broaching any part of that, of something almost sacred between yuuji was something he couldn’t push you on. though it wasn’t hard to deduce - your horrid attempts at whispering in the kitchen weren’t lost to him. 

“hey. he loves you. it’s not like that.” 

“what was it he said? sitting all high and mighty?” 

you sigh, and enough for sukuna to properly open his eyes and sit up. 

“i’m joking.” he adds. 

sukuna can tell his words aren’t enough. it usually takes very little, a mix of sweet talking to settle you down, which makes him happier than he can admit. only because it indicates to him that his words can hold so much weight, especially to you. 

“i mean it. you guys are well past that. have been since you came back.” you murmur. 

sukuna knows that you’re right. that despite the fact that yuuji never talked to sukuna in the four years he was gone, despite his best efforts to reach out, their relationship was nearly repaired the second he made it back to tokyo. and it means more since the two of them getting along would mean something to you now. 

sukuna left when he was sixteen and made his best efforts not to regret it now. 

behind everyone’s backs, he had taken an early exit out of his required schooling and applied to a four year boarding school in europe. he had only dropped the news to everyone five days before he left, in efforts to not let the crippling sense of servitude he felt towards his family hold him back. 

“were you mad i left?” he murmurs, pushing up on his elbows, his breath tickling your neck. 

“no.” 

“did you miss me?” he asks. 

it’s a selfish question. sukuna knows that the answer should be no. that it is no. but he’ll pretend your honey sweet answer, laced with a lie, is true for the night. that you’ll tell him exactly what he wants to hear - that you thought of him constantly when you left.  

“i was sad you left without saying goodbye. but i was too busy worrying about my own sister and all that.” 

sukuna can tell the answer is honest. and it’s satiating enough to know that you had noted it, that you were hurt that he hadn’t given you more importance before he made his escape. that you wanted to be important to him. 

“is that why you haven’t told yuuji? that we’re dating? breaks some secret pact you both have?” 

you smile. 

“are we dating?” you whisper. 

sukuna lightly pushes you over, before leaning on top of you and nuzzling his face into your arms. his legs are tangled to the side, his pressure soothing on your chest. 

“are you seeing other guys i don’t know about?” he asks. 

“of course.” you joke. 

sukuna brings his hand down on your neck, his one hand sliding around the length of your neck. he squeezes slightly and you feign choking before he rolls his eyes. 

“shut up, brat.” 

“well. you never asked. you can’t just decide we’re dating.” you state.

“i won’t ask.” he mumbles. 

“ask.” you prod.

“no.” 

“ask me!” 

“i already decided we were dating a long time ago. catch up.” 

you figure that if sukuna can test you, push your buttons to get what he wants, so can you. and you imagine that it’ll be infinitely easier, that it’ll take less work from you when he’s barely awake. you bring your hands around his cheeks, before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“please?” you whisper. 

sukuna groans. 

“be my girlfriend.” he states. 

“that’s not asking.” 

“y/n.” 

“c’mon.” you prod. 

he glares at you. 

“be. my girlfriend.” he repeats, more sternly. 

“cute. but no.” you respond. 

sukuna glares for three seconds and you cave. 

“sorry! i’m sorry. fine. i was just messing with you so i’d feel better.” you respond, to which he releases his gaze. 

he pauses. 

“do you need to feel better?”

“hm?” 

if you’re upset, that’s certainly one thing he can fix. 

“do you need me to make you feel good?” he asks. 

it’s something that’s been on your mind, more frequently than not. and it lingers for too long, that feeling that you’re denying him something, that there’s something he’s waiting for that you haven’t yet delivered. 

yuuji talks. so does megumi. and the two years of highschool that you got with sukuna were enough. 

sukuna was always an overachiever, as he so poignantly coined it. he was smart. smart enough to graduate early even, to get into an exchange program and get out of the suburbs. he was athletic, his attitude towards teachers was viewed as charming rather than plucky, and obviously he wasn’t short of being attractive, of having girls interested in him. 

you distinctly remember his first school dance when you were a eighth grader. or more importantly, that sukuna was dressed up in a tux, having his tie fixed by his mom while you and yuuji quietly watched him attend the senior prom. as a sophomore. 

yuuji mentioned that sukuna always seemed to be sleeping around, something corroborated by the fact that he was almost always talking to a different girl almost every time you saw him. megumi thought he was trashy even. 

but here he was, being patient, being painstakingly patient, that it only felt right. that you had to reward him for it. 

“okay. sure.” 

sukuna’s fully awake now, his eyes meeting yours as you feel a shiver go down your spine. 

“are you okay with this?” 

“yeah. yeah, i am.” 

“and you’ll tell me to stop if you stop being okay with it?” he states. 

you give him a nod, slightly embarrassed that it was something he had to confirm. like he knew you were going to chicken out of it. 

“i need to hear you say it.” he whispers. 

“i will.” you mumble. 

you’re almost positive that sukuna doesn’t do this with every other girl he’s been with - something confirmed in your mind by the fact that sukuna’s so gentle, his touch is so perfect, that you feel you’re never going to be able to let go of him. and can’t imagine that other people have let him slip out of his grasp. 

it’s not too different from the other times sukuna’s touched you - something he tends to always be doing. he’s more affectionate than you expected, for someone who was so reserved, so stern in almost every memory you have of him. 

but he uses endearments, pet names almost every time he talks to you - currently whispering words that make your entire body heat up, almost more than his hands on you. 

“my pretty baby’s so wound up. let me fix that for you, hm?” 

his words were almost enough to make your entire body heat up more than his hands. key word, almost. but there was something about his touch, so soft, firm in different places that it made you nearly limp in his arms. 

his hands were in your hair, on your legs just to pull you closer to him, resting on your cheeks when he kissed you. your predictions suggested to you that sukuna would have bored out, tired from just kissing you when you had given him full permission for the first time, but he wouldn’t let up, making it a point to kiss every patch of skin he could.  

it’s only then that it occurs to you that you haven’t touched him. you lift your hands, before freezing them in the air, unable to do it. but the shifting is enough to make sukuna stop. 

“you still okay?” 

“yeah. yeah, i was just-” you respond, catching your breath as he smiles. 

“your hands were up. you can push me off if it gets to be too much.” he whispers, pulling back. 

“no. no, i was…i was going to touch you. just got shy for a second…” 

sukuna grins at you, before leaning his forehead against yours. he tries his best to ground himself in the moment, realizing he was going too fast, getting too carried away too quickly. 

he can smell the remnants of your shampoo in your hair, focusing in on it, before he settles both of his hands into the crooks of each of your elbows. 

“you can touch me.” he murmurs. 

“okay. you-you’ll stop me right? if you feel weird?” you ask. 

sukuna laughs. 

“i can’t imagine i’d ever do that, but yes. i will stop you.” 

you give him a satisfied nod, as you reach forward and scoot into his lap. his hands instinctively reach for your waist, holding you steady, as you inspect his tattoos in the dim light of the dark. 

you reach forward and trace your fingers all the way down. you had only seen them peeking out from the collar of his shirt here and there, but this was your chance to look at them properly. 

“did you get these all at the same time?” you ask. 

“no. most of them are from when i was gone. this one right here-” 

he guides your hand to the left side of your chest, placing your palm flat against his beating heart before letting go. 

“-was right when i came back.” 

“s’pretty. you’re pretty.” you mumble. 

you instinctively squeeze, before the two of you quietly laugh. 

“did you just cop a feel?” sukuna asks. 

“maybe. seemed squishy.” 

“and was it?” 

“no. it was really underwhelming.” you respond, earning another laugh from him. 

it’s almost too gratifying, the smaller things - making him laugh, seeing him smile. it was so rare to see it before and the fact that he does it for you, does it so freely, is enough to make your stomach fill with an embarrassing amount of warmth. 

“your turn?” he asks, voice so low you can barely hear it. 

you nod, that biting wave of anxiety instantly hitting you when sukuna’s hands slither under your tank top. his lips find their way back to yours, his breath heavy on your face as you try to swallow it down and let him keep going. 

sukuna makes every effort to drag this on for as long as he can, for multiple reasons. so that your standards were never lowered, so that you’d never settle for callous hands and shitty guys in bars - not that he’d ever think you’d talk to anyone but him ever again. that he’d let anyone else see you like this. 

sukuna felt like he was slowly figuring you out like you were the back of his hand. you always seemed to be withholding something, almost like it was a wall right there with him in the room, but that let him in when he knocked. and right now, he had every intent to make you feel good. to reward you for trusting him. to savor you. 

he notices the trembling when he brings his hands up to your chest, when he lets them linger for too long. it’s so slight, almost in par with your breathing, but he notices it and immediately pulls back. 

“are you still okay?” he asks. 

the hesitation in your response is enough of an answer for him. he swallows down the dry patch in his throat - nearly cursing himself for going too far, too fast with you exactly where he knew you were reserved - before he brings his hands up to your cheeks, trying to get you to meet his eyes. 

“what can i do?” he whispers. 

“i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to, it was-” 

“tell me how to make it better. what do you need right now?” 

it’s almost embarrassing to ask for it. to make him overextend, to attend to you when you were the one who ruined the moment. and it felt increasingly stupid for you to push your own boundaries too, that you were going to scare him off now. 

“please.” he whisper. 

you look up to find his brown eyes, washed over in concern, as he cups the left side of your face. it’s enough to push you. 

“do you have a shirt i can wear? this just feels too…”

“yes. do you need a long sleeve or-” 

“short is okay.” 

“do you need me to wear one too?” he asks. 

you sigh. 

“could you? i just feel…” 

before you can even finish your sentence, sukuna’s pushed himself off the bed and rummages quickly through his closet before he returns. he snags his own shirt over his neck before sitting back down on the bed in front of you, his voice soft. 

“arms up, pretty girl.” 

you oblige, as sukuna pulls the shirt over you, his hands shaking as he dutifully attends to you. he’s pulling the sleeves down to your elbows, the fabric drowning every inch of your body as he readjusts it. 

the two of you sit in silence, your hand curled into his as you try to muster out the best words to say. to selfishly, keep him around you. 

“i’m not very good at this intimacy type of thing. i-i’m not sure if you’ve noticed.” 

some part of your guard is down. the curious part of him wants to push, to crawl all the way in and never leave. but he makes his best efforts. to remain persistent in letting you make the calls here. 

“explain.” 

“i just mean. you always kiss me first. and-and you kiss me a lot. i really like it, but sometimes i think it’s weird if i initiate it first. like-like it’ll keep going.” 

“i’ll always kiss you back, if that’s what you mean…” 

“no. no, it’s…it’s kind of embarrassing to admit. like logically, i know it won’t happen. but you’re a guy. you…you have lots of experience and you obviously like to do things like this. a lot of people do. it-it’s normal. but sometimes i feel, in the moment, like i’m not ready to do all of that yet. to go farther…” 

sukuna understands. he pulls his hand under your chin, using the knuckles of his pointer finger to guide your line of vision back to him. 

“you call the shots. always.” 

“i know.” 

“i don’t expect anything from you. if you just want to kiss me, i am more than happy to just kiss you, y/n.” he whispers. 

you can feel the tears in your eyes at sukuna’s tone. and the way his face falls at the sight of your tears is enough to make you fully cry. 

“princess. who’s got you thinking like this?” he murmurs. 

sukuna’s not one for words. though it seems he seems to always have the ones that fit just right. his thumbs are brushing away the wetness on your cheek, before he leans down and presses a kiss to your nose. 

“you know that i’m more experienced than you. so will you give weight to my words when i say them?” 

“okay.” 

“intimacy can mean lots of things. having sex is intimacy, sure. that’s a no brainer. but…there’s so much more to it. i can promise you, you aren’t bad at being intimate with me.” 

“really?” 

it’s the fact that it's three in the morning. that’s what sukuna will pin it on tomorrow. why he feels the need, why it feels so easy to talk so freely with you. that and the fact that he feels the need to lick each and every one of your wounds, to smooth over the rough patches. 

“i felt close to you at the dinner last night. when you were holding my hand under the table. you squeezed really hard when your mom was hurting your feelings, almost like you were trying to tell you that it made you upset…that’s intimacy to me.”

“are you trying to butter me up? don’t make stuff up.” you jokingly respond, earning a wide smile from him. 

“you were relying on me. telling me something. that’s intimate.” 

he reaches forward, pulling the hair out of the collar of the shirt before tucking it behind your ears. 

“i know that’s hard for you to do. i appreciate it when you can do that, when you trust me.” 

you swallow hard, before putting your hand back where it was resting before, over the beating of his heart. 

“i trust you. just…give me time to figure out the words?” 

“it’s not a race. i’m not planning on going anywhere.” 

"promise?" you ask, holding out your pinkie to him.

you watch his eye twitch.

"i'm not going to do a fucking pinkie promise."

the two of you laugh and it's enough to make your cheeks hurt.

it’s solidified one thing in your mind. that look in his eyes, the way he tucks you into him before his stupid teasing voice lulls you to sleep. 

that you have to tell yuuji the first chance you get.

--

an: right. well.

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