Sgmaleslaveforrent - Malaysia Sub

Public Play

The first and most important rule of public play is KEEP IT PRIVATE. The sexuality you share with your significant other is not actually public play, but private play, done in a public setting. If anyone else can detect that you are playing, You’re doing it wrong, very wrong.

Other people who are sharing the public space you are in shouldn’t have to be a witness to your kinks and fetishes and to force them on other people is very rude and disrespectful. As much as I would love to, there’s no leading him around the mall on a leash. The key to this is subtlety. No one else should be able to detect that you are actually playing kinky games in front of them, and if they do detect strange behavior, you must be able to explain it away as something other then sex play. In other words, plausible deniability.

I will give you an example. If you are a regular reader of mine, you’ll know that if I say ‘puppyluv’ to my husband, he must immediately get down on all fours and not speak. He must have one hand on the ground or floor at all times. While this is usually done at home, I have given the order in public a few times just to rattle him. I like to know he trusts me enough to obey instantly. Before doing so, I look around to make sure no one is watching. If someone did see us and questioned what we were doing, I would say he was looking for something small that I dropped, creating plausible deniability. If detected, we stop immediately, as other people’s comfort and our reputations are more important then the thrill we get from public play.

So now that the rule is established, we’ll move on to some of the other things we subtly do in public to reflect the unequal roles we live at home.

He will never let go of my hand. I love holding hands and when we are out, I like to use his hand as a leash to lead him around. I lead and he follows me everywhere. He must hold my hand until I pull my hand away from his purposely. If he lets go first, he will be punished when we get home. If I grab his hand and press it onto an object, like a hand rail, bench, or table, he has to grab hold of it and not let go. He is now effectively leashed to it until I peel his hand off of it and lead him away.

He will remain at heel at all times unless I command him to fetch something or send him on some errand. If I’m not leading him by the hand, he must wait for me to move before he does. He waits for me to start walking and then immediately follows, catches up and matches my pace. Not following immediately is punishable. I usually want him to walk beside me unless one of my girlfriends is with us, in that case I expect him to follow behind us. If we are walking side by side and I stop, he must stop immediately. Taking more than one step further is punishable. As you can see he has to keep most of his attention on me and I love it that way.

My husband never contradicts me while around others, even if he knows what I have said is completely wrong. He lets me lead the conversation in public, only affirming what I have said or adding details. He often mentions to others how smart he thinks I am. If he is the only male present, he usually stays mostly silent, letting us girls have our gab session. It’s easy for us to forget he’s even there. He really portrays the strong, silent type.

Another way he serves me in public is by always being the designated driver at parties so I can drink wine with my girlfriends. In fact, it’s usually the only time I let him drive when we are out together. I love driving, so unless I plan on drinking alcohol, he rarely gets to drive when with me. I sometimes make him bend over and let me insert one of his various buttplugs before we hit the road, but only when I’m driving as it would be too distracting for him to drive safely.

When it’s time to exit the vehicle, if we are alone he requires my permission to do so. He isn’t allowed to ask, so if I exit the vehicle with out giving him permission, he just sits and waits. Sometimes I don’t give him permission, and when I get out, I’ll walk around and open his door for him, holding his hand, helping him out, and lead him by the hand away from the vehicle. When we approach the vehicle, I sometimes walk him up to the passenger side and open his door for him, and close it once he’s inside. I love the 50’s style role reversal aspect of this. With other people in the car, we do things much more subtly. If one of my girlfriends is with us, he sits in the back seat every time, and he always opens his door last, letting the ladies lead him in getting in or leaving the vehicle. My friends have never even noticed the way in which he unobtrusively submits to us like this.

He has 2 different pairs of sunglasses in my car. A normal pair for the odd time I let him drive, and another pair for when he’s the passenger. The second pair has the sides blacked out and act like blinkers on a horses bridle, creating tunnel vision so that he can only see what’s directly in front of him. I often make him wear them in the car when not driving, but I sometimes make him wear them while walking in the park or window shopping. I lead him around using his hand as a leash at all times as it would be too easy for him to walk into someone else or trip on something just out of his line of vision. I like the way it makes him more dependent on me in public.

While shopping for groceries, he must silently follow me around the store pushing the cart without ever taking his hands off of the handle until we are checking out. If he removes a hand from the cart handle or speaks for any reason, he will be punished at home.

I often make him cross-dress underneath his male street clothes while we are in public. I love knowing he is so sexy and feminine. Panties are quite common. Pantyhose are a must when wearing jeans, as I don’t allow such rough textures as denim to directly touch his bare skin. If he forgot to put them on before leaving the house, I will hand him a pair that I keep in my purse and make him put them on in a public restroom.

I often tell him how pretty he is when we both know strangers can hear. In the future, I plan to buy him a corset and have him tight-laced while we are out. The idea is it will restrict his movement and only allow him shallow breaths, ensuring he feels my control every time he inhales. I will add a little padding around it so that it isn’t noticeable. If anyone asks why he is moving or walking differently, I’ll just say he threw his back out.

When we are sitting in a restaurant, if our table or booth is hidden enough, I sometimes sit across from him and have him put his feet on my lap. I pull a short chain out of my purse and lock it around both of his ankles, effectively hobbling him, until it’s time to leave. I sometimes hobble him when riding in the car as well.

You would think that playing like this, over time, would clue our friends and acquaintances in on the female-led relationship that we have. I cover it up by hinting to my girlfriends that it’s actually the opposite, that he dominates me somewhat. The irony is absolutely delicious. Often times, the girls want to get together and have a girl’s night out. I enjoy it at times, but they do it too often, and I’m not always in the mood to go out with them. I will tell them that I have to ask my husband first. Oh the outrage! It drives them crazy, in this day and age, to think that I would have to ask him for permission. When I come up with a reason he won’t let me go, to avoid going, he gets a few icy stares. My poor scapegoat.

Like most girl groups, we share intimate details with each other including our sex lives, and I share too. Just not necessarily the whole truth. I have, over time, built up my husband’s reputation as being quite the stud which isn’t a total lie as he really is amazing at pleasuring me. But when I talk about how big his cock is and how great it feels, the girls assume it’s his actual cock, not the strap on head harness he uses on me. They don’t know that, hanging out with the other husbands and boyfriends 10 feet away from them, he is securely locked in chastity. Also, his body is clean-shaven, his toenails are painted, and is wearing pantyhose or at least panties underneath his clothes.

While over there talking with the other guys, my ‘stud’ is trained to watch for very subtle hand signals I use to command him in various ways. For instance, when I decide I want to go home, I will signal him to approach me and say it’s time to go. Even though it’s actually me wanting to leave, I again use him as my scapegoat and he’s portrayed as the party-pooper, wanting to leave earlier than everyone else. He is to have a good reason already made up for why we have to go.

My hand signal commands so far are: STAY WHERE YOU ARE, COME TO ME, FETCH ME A DRINK, MAKE AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE, BE SILENT, REMAIN AT MY SIDE.

I never give him any indication that he will be punished for the way he behaved in public until we are home. If he said something that I disapproved of, I will simply walk up to him holding the ball-gag head harness. When that happens, he must immediately swallow and then open his mouth wide, until I have it strapped in place.

If he wasn’t attentive enough and missed hand signals, he gets corner-time and ignored. If he defied or disobeyed me, depending on how badly, he gets the paddle or the strap.

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sgmaleslaveforrent

5 years ago

Your Ass Is Your Most Important Feature. Make Sure It’s A Good One

Your ass is your most important feature. Make sure it’s a good one

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sgmaleslaveforrent

3 years ago

“Just Knowing” & Communication

I got an ask recently asking if I could write something about how doms seem to sometimes “instinctively know” things about their sub, and how communication plays into that.

I thought it was a great point, and I had an experience that I’d been wanting to share in some way, that I thought would work well within that concept. Anyway, here goes…

I have shared experiences where CD reads my needs seamlessly. Those moments can feel almost magical and that makes me want to share them. I have occasionally heard from people who seem to think CD is nearly capable of reading my mind, as a result of posts like that. It’s not my intention to give that impression.

There are occasional moments where I am shocked at how he knows things I didn’t say. I’ve also shared that sometimes those moments where he perfectly meets my needs are often the moments where I feel the most owned. That’s because him knowing and meeting my needs feels so intensely intimate, and so much of our D/s comes down to emotional intimacy.

He isn’t a mind reader, though. We have been together over a decade now, and he’s observant. I think that deserves a big mention, when discussing how he ‘just knows’ things about me. He notices my body language, and how I react to things. He learns a lot about me by simply paying close attention. This is really important to me. Him naturally watching me, noticing my mood and such, is a big way that he makes me feel loved. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t naturally drawn to try to learn me, and pay close attention to me. Just him being someone who pays attention is a huge part of how I feel loved. It shows me that he wants to know as much as he can about me, and that he wants to meet my needs. More than that, his desire to want to learn my needs period, matters. There are some people who just don’t wish to get that deep with their partner, they don’t care to know their partner like the back of their had. That would be a problem, for me, because I do want that level of intimacy. Part of how I knew that CD had that desire for deeper intimacy, was how he tried to learn what he could by observing me.

At the same time, being mindful of your loved one’s body language, facial expressions and behaviors only goes so far. You can’t observe your way into knowing exactly what someone wants or needs. You just can’t. Certain things just have to be explicitly stated. While a good portion of our emotional intimacy comes from paying close attention to each other, more of it comes from our communication.

The truth is, there have been times where I’ve been frustrated that CD didn’t catch something. I’ve occasionally had the emotional reaction of almost feeling neglected because he didn’t notice something about me. And that? Is not a healthy reaction for me to have. That reaction is something I have to try to be conscious of, and I can’t allow myself to run away with those feelings. I have to recognize them and fight back against them. Because I can’t expect him to read my mind, or to pick up on everything, to ‘just know’ everything, or anything, really. If he isn’t aware of something, it is my responsibility to communicate.

We were new to D/s in particular, we talked about our needs and wants all the time, often daily. Getting started with D/s requires really thorough communication so that you know the boundaries and limits of the dynamic, and so that you know what is expected of each of you. Even though we tried to hammer out our dynamic in advance, we found ourselves experiencing scenarios that we weren’t sure how they ‘should’ be handled with our D/s, because we couldn’t pre-plan our D/s for how to go about every possible scenario that life may throw at us. So whenever we experienced something new and didn’t know how to handle it, we’d have to discuss how we wanted to handle it. Or in there cases we’d handle a situation and then realize we wished it had been handled differently, and we’d discuss that and plan to do differently next time.

After a while (many months?) it got to where we had the basics down and we didn’t need to talk about things as often anymore. We didn’t have to discuss it multiple times a week anymore, but perhaps a couple times a month was sufficient. Still, the frequency ebbs and flows. We go through phases, even now, 6 years in, of discussing our D/s more or less often. It mainly depends on whether we’re facing new things in life or making changes to our rules or the rest of our dynamic, or whether life is normal and our dynamic is unchanged. If we make changes, that means we’ll communicate about our D/s more often for a while, usually. Tons of what we know about each other and our needs are things we’ve learned through all that communication. Way more than we’ve learned by just observing each other.

Our “meta-talks” (discussions about our D/s) are perhaps one of the areas that I don’t give enough attention to on this blog. They’re often very private feeling, so it’s hard to feel comfortable sharing much about them.

A couple of months ago after a meta-talk, we came to the conclusion that it would be helpful for us to focus on making sure I feel very seen. It wasn’t that I had stopped feeling seen…but more that our current life circumstances were making me need to feel more seen than usual. Anyway, CD had me make him a list of things that made me feel seen, to share with him.

The things I shared on that list were all things he had done “naturally” before. So it was more about sharing with him what things he does that make me feel particularly seen. Still, I did over-think it, a little bit. I wondered if it would feel different for him to do these things for me after I shared them with him, rather than doing them purely instinctually, like he had in the past. Would it feel less genuine? Would I be able to absorb it and really effectively feel see if I suspected he was doing this for the purpose of making me feel seen?

Early on, I did feel a bit bashful or self-conscious when I noticed him doing those things a little bit more often. I felt a bit insecure like “Oh, he just thinks he has to do that because I need to feel more seen.” and for some reason that cheapened it a little in my mind, and also made me feel a bit selfish or something. Worrying about being a burden on people is a deep seeded insecurity of mine that comes in up all sorts of ways. So it’s not surprising that my brain tried to twist this into ‘he just feels obligated to’. Even early on when I was feeling those insecurities, I was feeling seen, at the same time. As more time went on though, those insecurities softened and I was able to recognize that these things were feeling fulfilling to him, too, which further eased my insecurities.

This is just one example of how our direct communication has benefitted our D/s. When this type of thing occurs over the course of many years, I hope you can imagine how that can assist with creating those “he just knows” moments.

I think a lot of good relationships have similar experiences with hesitating to share exactly what you want from your partner. The love is there, the good intent is there, but unless you tell your partner exactly what makes you feel the best…you can’t magically expect them to know. Yet many of us have this instinct that “I can’t tell them exactly how I’d like them to treat me, or it won’t be as ‘real’”.

I think D/s often complicates this issue even farther. Subs hesitate to ask for ‘too much’ because they don’t want to be too needy, or to feel like they’re taking charge or telling their doms what to do. Which I think is a valid concern. In my view, the answer to that potential problem isn’t to avoid sharing what make you feel good. Instead, it’s just to be mindful of the way that you are communicating, so that you are sharing the knowledge of your needs or desires without telling them what to do.

Communicating in great detail is a huge part of how we find the intimacy that we’re after with D/s. Understanding in detail what makes each other feel dominant and submissive does SO much to assist us with keeping our D/s on track, and to keep each other feeling loved and cared for. These deep, difficult, detailed discussions are also helpful to our D/s because they make me realize how safe our relationship is. That sense of security allows me to let go and be more submissive.

As I said earlier, I understand that instinct that if you tell someone exactly what you want, and then they do it, your initial instinct may be to feel like it’s less meaningful when they do it. Like asking for it somehow ‘cheapened’ it.

I think that is a largely misguided instinct, though. I think that if you tell someone what feels good to you, and they do it just to placate you or please you? You can tell they’re just phoning it in. And if you tell them what makes you feel good, and they do it because they enjoy making you feel good? You’ll feel that too.

It’s similar to how starting D/s worked for us. When I first asked for it, I worried it would be something he did just for me. But once he found meaning in it himself? I could tell that our D/s was fulfilling for him, that it was giving him joy, and that he was really feeling the connection with me through this dynamic. It was just easy to see that he was really ‘feeling it’. A similar thing can happen with “smaller” things such as specific acts of love, care or service.

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sgmaleslaveforrent

3 years ago

Cruel to be Kind

Is it cruel or kind to ruin the male orgasm?

Ruined orgasms make little sense if the male is a dom. He gets pure enjoyment from it, it feels great, and afterwards, he will still be in the proper frame of mind to remain dominant. Nothing is lost in the process.

But what of the submissive male? He has been a good boy all week, so you decide that he deserves an orgasm. You remove his chastity device and tease him into a frenzy. At that moment, he needs to cum so badly, to the point where he would do humiliating things he probably wouldn’t normally do to achieve it. He is as submissive as he will ever be as you decide that you have teased him enough, and you send him crashing over the edge. The only problem is, his submissive feelings crash as well, as his body releases prolactin during the full male orgasm.

Suddenly, your good boy goes through a drastic change. He loses most of his lust for you, his owner, which inspired much of his subordinate behavior. He may even balk at being relocked in his chastity cage. What the hell just happened? He has been feeling so submissive to you but most of that feeling just got flushed from his system along with his semen. What he wanted, needed, maybe even begged for a few seconds ago is immediately regretted by you both. Why?

As a domme you will feel peeved by his sudden change in demeanor. You think his submission to you shouldn’t change just because of a momentary bodily function. Are you just a kink dispenser for him? He should be submissive no matter what. And you know what? A truly submissive male will agree with those thoughts, feeling guilty and disappointed with himself over it. His heart will be filled with dread and self doubt. He will regret having that orgasm just as much as you now regret giving it to him.

Not only does he enjoy serving and obeying you, he also loves the general feeling of being submissive. It is a part of him, a part of who he is, how he identifies himself, and he has just lost that. The release of prolactin ruins his submissive frame of mind making it hard for him to submit afterwards for a few hours, to even a day or two. He feels bad, but has no control over the process. But working in collaboration with you, as a team , it can be controlled.

The ruined male orgasm. Is it really ruined, or is it simply improved upon? After all, it is still pleasurable to him, just not as powerful and intense as a full orgasm. The important part is denying the prolactin release. If successful, not only will his submissive feelings remain, his horniness and lust which are pleasurable to him in their own right will continue (subdued) as well.

Are a few seconds of intense pleasure worth it in the end? Or is it better to trade that short burst for a much longer but still highly enjoyable experience? After all, he isn’t really gaining anything by orgasming. He is trading one pleasure for another, his submissive feelings that can last days for a quick burst of intensity that lasts only seconds, and ruins everything else.

We have decided that ruined orgasms will be the answer in the foreseeable future. It’s just better, for both of us.

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sgmaleslaveforrent

3 years ago