Kinda Feeling A Little Empty

@academia-lucifer

Life and Death

if anyone ever sees me simping for dick grayson, mind your business

that is between me, God, and my obsession with very pretty boys ok, ok

where do you put the emptiness that feels too heavy to carry

Franz Kafka

"I'm here to listen to your troubles."

The counselor had his fair share of troubles, and expressing them was never easy, yet he always found it easy to listen and help others out.

So when another person stepped into his office per their appointment, he felt his expression light up with a smile as he gestured for them to sit down.

Per usual, he radiated a calm and comforting aura, something that would always ease anyone in his presence.

"I'm here to listen to your troubles,"

He said with a soft smile as he rested his arms on the desk, giving them his full attention.

"This is a safe space, you needn't worry about a thing,"

He reassured them as he adjusted his glasses.

One way or another, everyone would find peace.

bpd culture is my mother saying everyone has to walk on eggshells when i’m around.

(girl you’re kind of one of the reasons i’m like this tho)

i think one of the saddest parts of grief is how time robs you of indulging in it

each april, i think of that day and i try to allow myself to feel that grief, but yet i cannot grieve fully because of the people i love, the life i live, and the expectations i face now

the people who knew at the time of what happened are gone; life has taken us in different directions

now, i have no one close to me who understands what that day did to me

my family hardly remembers, the best friends i had back then have moved on, and i have a boyfriend who didn't even know me when it happened

so what am i to do? how do i explain this void in my heart that only comes around once a year during the month of april? how do i explain this inexplicable urge to curl into a ball, brought on only by the weight of my memories?

i have two events scheduled the day of. i won't even have time to waste being upset, mourning what happened to me that day. i will go out and do my social duties, conversing with my friends and peers, only to return home and regret not letting myself mourn.

it'll be 7 years. 7 years of regret. every year, april 30th comes around and i feel the weight of emptiness that day left in me. yet, i am the only one privy to it's significance. no one else understands; there is no way for me to tell anyone the truth. i don't want their pity and i don't want their concern.

i went through that day alone. i laid on my bedroom floor, weeping for what i gave up. but now i cannot do the same. time has robbed me of that chance; it has robbed me of the grief i was once allowed.

this month will be rough. 7 years is a long time to grieve. i am different than i was then, for better and for worse.

hi guys, ive decided to start using my tumblr like a diary

heres a pic of me where i genuinely felt perfect

my hair was all fluffy and soft, and i had that "just woke up" glow to me

i felt so beautiful

that's all for now <3

- Shade, 4/8/24, 2:31 am

to feel love as strongly as i do now is such a blessing

i love my boyfriend <3