Franz Kafka

being successful in your fav subject feels so validating

*sad italian whimpers*

"everybody experiences that" says mother who has the same symptom of the same mental illness

I know I’ve been reblogging a lot of stuff about Palestine recently, which might be off putting to some of you who followed me for art or tntduo or whatever else. Here’s what I have to say to you if you’re wondering why:

What’s happening in Palestine is genocide and it is the most important thing in the world to keep talking about it, no matter what your account usually looks like or how many followers you have or how much engagement you get.

If your account has an aesthetic, forget it. Talk about Palestine. If your account is dedicated to one thing and one thing only, drop it. Talk about Palestine. If you just got here and you only have 1 follower, it doesn’t matter. Talk. About. Palestine.

The more we talk the more we force people to remember, to look at the horror and death and despair they’ve cultivated against so many innocent lives.

Your voice matters. 🇵🇸

best brownies in the known universe (at least, according to my grandma)

some year and a half ago when i was getting ready to move out i combed through all the family recipes that lay lost to time and one of the ones that i found was my grandmas brownie recipe. idk where she got it from (nor can i ask cause she has dementia) and its a printed out email she sent to my mom in june 2000. but by george these the best brownies i have ever tasted. would she be pleased that i am sharing this recipe with my vast following? absolutely.

YOU WILL NEED:

5 tablespoons butter (unsalted) 1 ounce unsweetened baking chocolate (or as much as your heart desires) 2/3 cup unsweetened good cocoa powder 1 cup sugar (white) (superfine preferred, normal works fine) 1 cup sifted white flour (can use gluten free) 1/2 teaspoon baking powder as much cinnamon as your heart desires (your heart needs to desire at least some cinnamon. its essential to the recipe) 3 egg whites 1 egg splash of vanilla extract (again, non negotiable step!)

preheat your oven to 325 degrees. grease a square baking pan (9x9 preferably).

in a small saucepan over medium heat melt the butter and baking chocolate. while that is melting, sift together the flour, baking powder and cinnamon into a small bowl. once the butter and chocolate is done melting add the cocoa powder and cook it together for 1 minute. add in the sugar and stir. it will get very thick. this is correct.

set that aside to cool. while thats cooling take a large bowl and put in your egg whites, egg and vanilla. beat it up with preferably a whisk but you can use a fork if youre fresh out of whisks. once the chocolate is cool enough to not scramble your eggs dump it in the eggs and mix it together. add the flour in gradually and keep mixing until its smooth and happy.

spread into your greased baking pan. put it in the oven for EXACLTLY 18 MINUTES. very crucial step. they will come out slightly under done. that is what we want. as they cool they will continue to cook in the pan. we dont want them to get hard and sad. they are not good when they are hard and sad. do not overbake them. you will be sad.

slice them up and as the official last step on the original recipe says: EAT ENJOY AND MAKE MORE! (theyre very good with mint chocolate chip ice cream)

i think one of the saddest parts of grief is how time robs you of indulging in it

each april, i think of that day and i try to allow myself to feel that grief, but yet i cannot grieve fully because of the people i love, the life i live, and the expectations i face now

the people who knew at the time of what happened are gone; life has taken us in different directions

now, i have no one close to me who understands what that day did to me

my family hardly remembers, the best friends i had back then have moved on, and i have a boyfriend who didn't even know me when it happened

so what am i to do? how do i explain this void in my heart that only comes around once a year during the month of april? how do i explain this inexplicable urge to curl into a ball, brought on only by the weight of my memories?

i have two events scheduled the day of. i won't even have time to waste being upset, mourning what happened to me that day. i will go out and do my social duties, conversing with my friends and peers, only to return home and regret not letting myself mourn.

it'll be 7 years. 7 years of regret. every year, april 30th comes around and i feel the weight of emptiness that day left in me. yet, i am the only one privy to it's significance. no one else understands; there is no way for me to tell anyone the truth. i don't want their pity and i don't want their concern.

i went through that day alone. i laid on my bedroom floor, weeping for what i gave up. but now i cannot do the same. time has robbed me of that chance; it has robbed me of the grief i was once allowed.

this month will be rough. 7 years is a long time to grieve. i am different than i was then, for better and for worse.

kinda feeling a little empty