Crowley's Hearing "I Can Finally Make You Good Enough To Deserve Heaven"

Tv!Percy praying to Sally instead of the gods has the same energy as musical!Percy singing an entire verse about how awesome his mom was while the other campers are asking him about his godly parent.

They both understood the assignment.

girl help the eldritch horrors are organising a pride and prejudice party and making us dance to mirror their forbidden and repressed love. yes there is a michael jackson thriller video reenactment outside trying to get in. no yeah i still want that rare doctor who annual

My blorbos <3

Real

TMA ART(HeadCanons)

my headcanon of some TMA characters, there are also some Fan cast for reference.

Ah-...

Awhile ago @ouidamforeman made this post:

This shot through my brain like a chain of firecrackers, so, without derailing the original post, I have some THOUGHTS to add about why this concept is not only hilarious (because it is), but also...

It. It kind of fucks. Severely.

And in a delightfully Pratchett-y way, I'd dare to suggest.

I'll explain:

As inferred above, both Crowley AND Aziraphale have canonical Biblical counterparts. Not by name, no, but by function.

Crowley, of course, is the serpent of Eden.

(note on the serpent of Eden: In Genesis 3:1-15, at least, the serpent is not identified as anything other than a serpent, albeit one that can talk. Later, it will be variously interpreted as a traitorous agent of Hell, as a demon, as a guise of Satan himself, etc. In Good Omens --as a slinky ginger who walks funny)

Lesser known, at least so far as I can tell, is the flaming sword. It, too, appears in Genesis 3, in the very last line:

"So he drove out the man; and placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life." --Genesis 3:24, KJV

Thanks to translation ambiguity, there is some debate concerning the nature of the flaming sword --is it a divine weapon given unto one of the Cherubim (if so, why only one)? Or is it an independent entity, which takes the form of a sword (as other angelic beings take the form of wheels and such)? For our purposes, I don't think the distinction matters. The guard at the gate of Eden, whether an angel wielding the sword or an angel who IS the sword, is Aziraphale.

(note on the flaming sword: in some traditions --Eastern Orthodox, for example-- it is held that upon Christ's death and resurrection, the flaming sword gave up it's post and vanished from Eden for good. By these sensibilities, the removal of the sword signifies the redemption and salvation of man.

...Put a pin in that. We're coming back to it.)

So, we have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword, introduced at the beginning and the end (ha) of the very same chapter of Genesis.

But here's the important bit, the bit that's not immediately obvious, the bit that nonetheless encapsulates one of the central themes, if not THE central theme, of Good Omens:

The Sword was never intended to guard Eden while Adam and Eve were still in it.

Do you understand?

The Sword's function was never to protect them. It doesn't even appear until after they've already fallen. No... it was to usher Adam and Eve from the garden, and then keep them out. It was a threat. It was a punishment.

The flaming sword was given to be used against them.

So. Again. We have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword: the inception and the consequence of original sin, personified. They are the one-two punch that launches mankind from paradise, after Hell lures it to destruction and Heaven condemns it for being destroyed. Which is to say that despite being, supposedly, hereditary enemies on two different sides of a celestial cold war, they are actually unified by one purpose, one pivotal role to play in the Divine Plan: completely fucking humanity over.

That's how it's supposed to go. It is written.

...But, in Good Omens, they're not just the Serpent and the Sword.

They're Crowley and Aziraphale.

(author begins to go insane from emotion under the cut)

In Good Omens, humanity is handed it's salvation (pin!) scarcely half an hour after losing it. Instead of looming over God's empty garden, the sword protects a very sad, very scared and very pregnant girl. And no, not because a blameless martyr suffered and died for the privilege, either.

It was just that she'd had such a bad day. And there were vicious animals out there. And Aziraphale worried she would be cold.

...I need to impress upon you how much this is NOT just a matter of being careless with company property. With this one act of kindness, Aziraphale is undermining the whole entire POINT of the expulsion from Eden. God Herself confronts him about it, and he lies. To God.

And the Serpent--

(Crowley, that is, who wonders what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway; who thinks that maybe he did a GOOD thing when he tempted Eve with the apple; who objects that God is over-reacting to a first offense; who knows what it is to fall but not what it is to be comforted after the fact...)

--just goes ahead and falls in love with him about it.

As for Crowley --I barely need to explain him, right? People have been making the 'didn't the serpent actually do us a solid?' argument for centuries. But if I'm going to quote one of them, it may as well be the one Neil Gaiman wrote ficlet about:

"If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of civilization." --Robert G. Ingersoll

The first to ask questions.

Even beyond flattering literary interpretation, we know that Crowley is, so often, discreetly running damage control on the machinations of Heaven and Hell. When he can get away with it. Occasionally, when he can't (1827).

And Aziraphale loves him for it, too. Loves him back.

And so this romance plays out over millennia, where they fall in love with each other but also the world, because of each other and because of the world. But it begins in Eden. Where, instead of acting as the first Earthly example of Divine/Diabolical collusion and callousness--

(other examples --the flood; the bet with Satan; the back channels; the exchange of Holy Water and Hellfire; and on and on...)

--they refuse. Without even necessarily knowing they're doing it, they just refuse. Refuse to trivialize human life, and refuse to hate each other.

To write a story about the Serpent and the Sword falling in love is to write a story about transgression.

Not just in the sense that they are a demon and an angel, and it's ~forbidden. That's part of it, yeah, but the greater part of it is that they are THIS demon and angel, in particular. From The Real Bible's Book of Genesis, in the chapter where man falls.

It's the sort of thing you write and laugh. And then you look at it. And you think. And then you frown, and you sit up a little straighter. And you think.

And then you keep writing.

And what emerges hits you like a goddamn truck.

(...A lot of Pratchett reads that way. I believe Gaiman when he says Pratchett would have been happy with the romance, by the way. I really really do).

It's a story about transgression, about love as transgression. They break the rules by loving each other, by loving creation, and by rejecting the hatred and hypocrisy that would have triangulated them as a unified blow against humanity, before humanity had even really got started. And yeah, hell, it's a queer romance too, just to really drive the point home (oh, that!!! THAT!!!)

...I could spend a long time wildly gesturing at this and never be satisfied. Instead of watching me do that (I'll spare you), please look at this gif:

I love this shot so much.

Look at Eve and Crowley moving, at the same time in the same direction, towards their respective wielders of the flaming sword. Adam reaches out and takes her hand; Aziraphale reaches out and covers him with a wing.

You know what a shot like that establishes? Likeness. Commonality. Kinship.

"Our side" was never just Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley says as much at the end of season 1 ("--all of us against all of them."). From the beginning, "our side" was Crowley, Aziraphale, and every single human being. Lately that's around 8 billion, but once upon a time it was just two other people. Another couple. The primeval mother and father.

But Adam and Eve die, eventually. Humanity grows without them. It's Crowley and Aziraphale who remain, and who protect it. Who...oversee it's upbringing.

Godfathers. Sort of.

an assistant (trust me, this's what actually happened in ep.4)

This needs to be said again

WHY is there no 'Soldier, Poet, King' animatic with Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn.

Me whenever a studio decides to remove various shows from streaming services.

bagginshield moments in the hobbit trilogy:

an unexpected journey:

- bilbo was a simp for thorin the second he knocked on his door

- bilbo hearing gandalf and elrond talk about thorin in rivendell and thorin letting him hear

- thorin fully risking his life to save bilbo even tho he thinks he’s a “burden”

- bilbo being so personally hurt by thorin saying what he said, that he decides to leave (dramatic gay™️)

- thorin realizing he actually hurt bilbo and regretting having said anything (guilty gay™️)

- “why did you come back”

- bilbo saying he came back bc he wants to help thorin find a home

- bilbo being the one to intervene in thorin’s fight w azog despite never fighting before and having every excuse to stay on the tree

- he fully jumps an orc???? like twice the size of him???? to save his boyfriend????

- faces AZOG head on bc thorin wasn’t moving

- thorins first question upon waking being about whether bilbo is okay

- trying so hard to be angry at bilbo

- bilbo becoming a burden on thorins HEART rather than his mind

- “i have never been so wrong in all my life. i am sorry i doubted you.”

- the look™️ after the hug

the desolation of smaug:

- thorin and bilbo having the most willpower out of everyone in the group

- constantly joining at each other’s sides

- the look on thorins face when he realizes bilbo isn’t with them anymore

- thorin being the only one to think that bilbo would come for them

- thorin RUNNING to the cell door when bilbo appears

- bilbo looking to thorin when he asks them to trust him

- thorin being the only one who trusts bilbos judgement w the barrels

- “well done, master baggins”

- bilbo vouching for thorins character

- thorin giving him the Look™️ as bilbo speaks on his behalf

- “you have keen eyes, master baggins”

- “thorin, you can’t give up now.”

- thorin coming back as soon as bilbo calls for them

- thorin trying to dehumanize bilbo as much as possible so he “won’t care” as much about his life, being fully incapable of doing so

- bilbos FACE when thorin turns his sword on him

- thorin being able to really easily read bilbo’s expressions, even when he’s blind by greed

- thorin suggesting they all split up and taking bilbo with him

- bilbo not wanting to go with balin, and calling for thorin as he’s pulled away

- bilbo always immediately responding to thorins commands, not hesitating or doubting him for a second

- “keep going bilbo!”

battle of the five armies

- “i’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t listen.”

- the fact that bilbo took to stone because he knew what it would do to thorin, not caring if thorin found out and hated him after because he knew he was helping him

- the way thorin LOOKS at him when he shows him the acorn

- literally the Look™️

- the way bilbo relaxes under That Specific Gaze from thorin

- bilbo being the only one who cares enough to try and reason with thorin

- “you should never underestimate dwarves” ft. the Look™️

- thorin intentionally gives him one of the strongest pieces of armor they have

- “i look absurd,” “it is a gift, a token of our friendship. true friends are hard to come by.”

- never assuming for a SECOND that bilbo would be the one to betray him

- the SYMBOLISM of thorin backing away and them being separated by the other dwarves

- “i’m not afraid of thorin”

- thorins face when he realizes bilbo was the one to betray him

- bilbos voice being the only one thorin hears clearly in his head, the only voice that brings him to sense

- bilbos FACE as he says “thorin” when they finally come to fight

- thorins face when bilbo comes to warn him of the fifth army

- the Look™️

- they exchange one look and bilbo knows that he’s meant to go with thorin

- “i’m glad you’re here”

- “you’re going to live, thorin.”

- bilbo holding his hand

- “plant your tree, watch it grow”

- bilbo begging him to stay alive, whispering to him about the sky and the eagles, desperately saying his name as he dies

- cradling his body

- sobbing next to him

- standing alone at his body during the funeral, unmoving

- trying desperately not to cry, being unable to look at his body

- “i know that’s how you must honor him, but to me he was never that. he was... he was...”

- just nodding, balin knowing exactly what he wants to say but can’t bring himself to

- “who is this person you pledged your loyalty to? thorin oakenshield?”

- the Look™️

- “he... he was my friend.”

- bilbo baggins kept that map, thorins map, the for the rest of his life, for it was all he had left of a lost love