The Victory Ball

~ thirst ~

There are already so many delicious meta posts on everyone's specific thoughts on what's going on in Illario's head, but I am jumping in myself because he and Lucanis are making me CRAZY

I think that soooo much of his jealousy is that he and Lucanis get treated as a binary. Damn near every time Lucanis talks about something he is or isn't good at, he brings up how Illario is the opposite. It isn't just that they're constantly being compared (already something that's going to be super damaging to both of them and their relationship) but there's such a strong sense that they're not allowed to overlap.

Like, Lucanis is better at physical combat? Okay, so Illario is bad at it. It doesn't matter that he's still very good, that's he's good enough to still be a living, working Crow at the ripe old age of 30+, as a member of the First Talon's family no less. It doesn't matter that he's good enough to drop down from the ceiling (when and how did you get up there???) and kill Zara before anyone can register he's there. It doesn't matter that he's still a significant boss, even once you factor out the Venatori. He's worse than Lucanis, so Lucanis is the 'good' assassin and Illario is the 'bad' one.

In the reverse, Lucanis's self-esteem about his social skills is in the DIRT. He is CONSTANTLY bringing up how Illario is the people person. Even when, in the same breath, he says Illario only ever had relationships with people he didn't like and they never lasted, he's still saying Illario is better at it. And because Illario is better with people, he's 'good' at it, and Lucanis is 'bad' at it.

In any discussion with or about Lucanis and Illario there is, apparently, zero overlap in their skill sets. Despite the fact that that's very obviously not true. But they've been set against each other so thoroughly that they don't even realize it. Because presumably Caterina started training them and they had a knack for some skills more than others and rather than encouraging them to teach other or partner up to boost each other's strengths, she was most likely going "Look, Illario, your cousin did that move so much better than you, be more like that," and "Lucanis, Illario perfected this ages ago, it is not that hard to convince someone you're harmless" and all they got was that one of them was the assassin and one of them was the conman and never the two shall meet.

And Caterina, of course, heavily favors Lucanis. And I imagine there's a million reasons why - starting with the fact that it sounds like his mother was the last favorite. (And how can Illario compete with that? He'll never be the son of the favorite.) But I think a big reason is Lucanis's skill set. Maybe he's the most like her. Maybe she thinks if he's good in combat, he won't die like all the others did. Has she just written Illario off as a lost cause, certain to get himself killed? Not consciously, I'm sure, but subconsciously? Easy to imagine. Easy for Illario to feel that way, whether it's true or not.

And then!! He's being babysat! This idea that Lucanis is the one who can fight (and therefore Illario cannot) has taken hold so deeply that Lucanis feels like he has to look out for Illario, has to protect him, and of course that's bundled up in the 'we're all we have left' but when you're suffocating under the weight of your cousin being a mother hen that feels much less sympathetic. And when you're a 30+ assassin it's gonna feel pretty aggravating if everyone acts like you need your cousin to help you tie your shoes in the morning.

And I don't think either of them realize this. Introspection is not a Crow skill. All Illario knows is he can't be a good assassin while Lucanis is alive, because only one of them can be a good assassin. And that built and built and I think the opportunity to have Lucanis killed crossed his path, and he - Well, despite what Caterina might think, he is a very good Crow. So he took the opportunity. And then he couldn't go back.

And what does he have, under this binary? At least the good fighter, the good assassin, can have a talent for other athletic work, a passion for knives. At least the favorite can find another hobby without feeling grandmother breathing down his neck, asking why he's learning a new skill when he hasn't even mastered the important one. What's under a conman, a grifter, a politician? Sure, he can make people like him, but he can he ever connect with them enough to like them back? Does he know who he is? Would he know where to begin to try and find out?

I'd argue that - whether he knows it or not - is the biggest reason he tried to have Lucanis killed. He doesn't know who he is other than Caterina's least favorite grandson, Lucanis's cousin. He doesn't know how to find out.

there's something truly fucked about lucanis showing no interest in becoming first talon and even stating that's illario's calling instead, because he's right. it's explicitly stated that illario is a lot more like your average crow than the ones we get to know in veilguard. zevran would confirm this too if the writers remembered he exists. illario isn't a victim to their selfless idealism because that's not what crows are supposed to be. they're wealthy criminals, any "selflessness" they might possess must be bought. illario learned nothing but cruelty from caterina's cruel teachings and he's a better crow for it. he's not better person for it of course, that's not how you raise a well adjusted individual, and still it feels like caterina resents him for being exactly what she made him. it's just so unfair? she likes lucanis because he still cares, but she didn't teach him to care. he cares in spite (heh) of the things she taught him, of the violence, of starvation, and he gets special treatment for that. illario's the monster caterina wants to pretend she's not, and she hates him for it. imagine that! being punished for being someone's true successor. your own brother says he's entertaining the idea of becoming first talon only until she thinks better of it and passes the title down to you instead, but that never happens. and when you fall on schemes (because that's all you know) to earn the life you're owed, when you have to kill your own brother for it and feel horrible because you killed your own brother, his death is still not enough to sway her mind. one day he'll return from the dead, and again you'll scheme and it still won't be enough. your bother is made king and he keeps the crown he doesn't even want, the one he sometimes forgets he was given. and you get nothing but humiliation, he may even throw you in prison. my god. they'd catch my ass barking in the streets.

A kiss on the V

It’s gettin steamy in the Villa Dellamorte baths!!!!

Note: those were ripped directly from the game files, as they aren't included in the OST. You can also listen to them in this playlist on PinkyJulien's Youtube channel or in this playlist by Slow Walkthroughs.

An illuminated manuscript from a gossip pamphlet found in the First Talon’s desk with the caption reads:

The Treviso Tourney - Knight Takes Rook

Despite the recently crowned King Viago’s presence at this weekend’s coronation tournament, the audience seemed more enamoured with the rare appearance of the newly wed Dellamorte’s. The Champion of Treviso’s magical talents may have left her out of the competition, but the First Talon’s blade received Rook’s favour - and this punter knows to never bet against the Rook!

most precious daydream

thinkin about lucanis' struggle with his wants vs. familial expectations, rook being a catalyst for his reach for freedom and understanding the crows from an outside perspective, and all of the cut content and epilogue scenes ...

cis+ Lucanis who isn't transgender but he's always been drawn to femininity and that's why he's always so tightly controlled in how he dresses and presents himself

he allows himself long hair and well-tailored outfits of high quality fabrics, but he resolutely Does Not Look at any skirts or dresses when the team goes shopping

he lets Bellara paint his nails after Emmrich and Davrin go first, because it's just a funny little joke that the boys get their nails painted too, and then hides them under gloves until the paint chips because he can't bear to either look at his hands or scrub the paint off

he has to mind his facial expressions to make sure he doesn't give Illario's eyeliner and gold jewelry too many jealous stares. it would be wrong if he wore that. he's mentally comparing himself to other women instead of men and thinks he'd be too ugly--

or worse: everyone would finally see. they'd look at him and know how much he enjoys it, wants it, not just as wealthy status symbols and peacocking and machiasmo, but genuinely getting to be soft and pretty

so when Rook (of any gender) rescues him, and buys courting gifts for him, and treats him gently, and doesn't pressure him to take a dominant sexual role in the relationship ...

well. it takes him a long time to accept that. to put aside all the Antivan ideals of masculinity and the Crows' attitude toward casual sex and the perfect stoic male heir his grandmother wanted

to believe Rook might want him, love him, be just as smitten by him in the soft moments, not the sexy dangerous assassin he worried they expected him to be

What some people don't understand is that Dabi's dance celebration comes from the place of real life victims finding relief in seeing Touya facing his abuser and devastating completely his ego.

It's his victory but also a moment to breath and be there on top of a mountain, dancing because the truth is finally revealed and now everyone knows how the person they venerate is the person that destroyed you in body and mind. They are all in his side, they all claim for him to rise up, while you'd be dead and forgotten, another martyr on his glorious life tale.

But you are not done and you are not gone and as long as your legs can move you're gonna dance and as long as your jaw can move you're gonna scream to the heavens that that person is not getting sanctified. He's going to the hell he put you in and he's gonna answer to the rage he put in you and he'd never ever be able to outrun the damage he caused you.

⠀

Dabi's dance is one of the best moments in bnha.

Rookanis Kisses