Bonus Points If Their “evil” Plans Actually Benefit More People Than They Harm, But The Media Either

chillin on a Saturday night

Alright my turn. I am team present, but not because of Off The Hook.

I am team present because Splatoon as a whole exists in the present. Part of what makes the game so special is that it stays on time with the fan base. It grows and changes and is amazing and beautiful and colorful as it is now.

I wasn’t around for Splatoon one, and I was only around for the very end of Splatoon Two after the Final Fest, but I still got incredibly attached to the characters. When Splatoon Three had released I got to see all the characters changed at the same pace as me. We grew up together, and that is why this franchise is special to me. It’s why I keep coming back after large amounts of time.

The past has already happened, and we should both remember and honor it. The future is uncertain, we have no idea what’s to come. We should live and appreciate the present while it is happening, because once it’s gone we can never get it back.

See y’all on the turf field, may the best team win 💕

im allowed to get sappy about grandfest and what team i'm picking & so are all of you.. lets become little philosophers together while we pick our funny teams for our funny squis game. btw the fish are attacking

It’s much easier to fit the clothes to your body than it is to fit your body to the clothes!

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

I love that thing when people get a little bit tongue-tied and garble what they’re trying to say so they make a little “blegh” 👅 noise and start over. verbal reset button. hitting the top of the tv to unscramble the signal

hey guys i-

if you're scrolling tumblr right now because you're struggling to complete a project or assignment, take a moment to do the following:

get up and grab a resealable plastic (ziploc) bag

fill it with warm water from the sink

it will probably be somewhat difficult to fill it with warm water from the sink. youre taking a break. don't worry about it. trying to fill up the plastic bag full of warm water even though it's silly and slippery and soaks your hands. it's part of the fun

when it's full, go show someone. tell them you filled a bag with water. when they touch it, they won't expect it to be warm, and they'll tell you "ooh, it's warm!" you know this though. it's a little surprise for them

enjoy the warm water bag with them. it's fun. it probably won't spill if you sealed it well. hold it with your hands. press it against your face-- it's relaxing. jiggle it around a little bit. feel the nice, plasticky-warm texture. it's the warm water bag. it's the bag filled with water and it's fun

when you're done, take a pin or other sharp object (a pen works, but pins are best!) and bring the bag back to the sink. poke a hole in the bag with the pin. the water probably won't come out very fast. poke more if you'd like. maybe try dragging the pin across the bag and see if you can make a cut. poke many holes in it. it's fun!

throw the bag away when you're done. youve just relaxed with the bag of warm water

congratulations! try to go do your project again and you might find it easier. and if not, you've made a few water-bag based memories, or at least had a laugh or two :)

omG I SEARCHED GOOGLE FOR A SEWING MACHINE DIAGRAM AND THIS CAME UP I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

Woah would you look at that fifteen notes hahah.

People here talk a lot about having "2 note flop posts" but as someone who regularly gets 0 notes on their posts, I'm here to say that I (and presumably many others) would be glad, even lucky, to have a 2 note "flop" post. So maybe think about that next time

people always talk about evil clones like oooh a dark mirror oohh what if you saw what are cruel person you were/are capable of becoming. and well yes but what if you were the evil clone. what if you looked in the mirror and what you saw was so bright it blinded you. what if you had to know exactly how good you could have been.

I’ve never had a reheading go this horribly before. I’d say I’m pretty good at beheading- I may have broken a neck once or twice, but never any parts I actually liked or intended on keeping, and usually a reheading is the easiest thing, right? Just a little squish and a pop and done, a complete person. But this time it just- it just won’t go back on the body?? Which is incredibly frustrating but also, like, why??

And the funniest thing is, I’m not even swapping a head!! This is a curvy dancer head going onto a curvy dancer body!! They match!! This should have been so simple!! But no, this head’s just flopping around like a limp flaccid idiot and my hands are all red and sore now but the head just isn’t attaching all the way!!

Today I did six beheadings and two other reheadings, and I wanted to get this one attached so I could take a picture, but somehow it just isn’t working!! The head is just getting squished around but isn’t stretching over the neck right!! And I’m way too lazy to go and boil the head just to make the slip easier!! And I don’t wanna keep forcing it cuz I might break something but this is!! So frustrating!!

Like, what could I possibly be doing wrong!! Fuck!!