‘I Saw You And Waved But You Didn’t Wave Back!’

youth dystopian novel protagonist: i guess you could say there’s a darkness in me. i’m not normal. never have been barista at jamba juice: ma’am are you going to order anything

Shook my rug for the first time in 6 months releasing over a kilo of dust, three migrating albatrosses and the stampede from the Lion King

When you turn up to a party and there's a cheeseboard

*Sees old people reading newspaper in public*

*Sees it's not the Daily Mail*

 Me:

Ted Allen: You have 30 seconds left, chefs.

Chef: I looked down at my dish and realized it needed a little more color, so I decide to make a quick purée out of lima beans and hot raspberry sauce, then brûlée the top with a blowtorch and add a few mint leaves to really give it some texture.

Me: *pterodactyl screech*

U know when ur sexting someone and he’s like ‘hmm send me a photo of what u look like now 😜😜🤪🤪🤪’.... sir, I am in an Argos calm tf down david bailey

Bleurgh

You know when you’re so anxious/stressed you cant actually process things so you end up being a human pile of immobile emotional slop?