So Bruce Now Has Several Adult Children That Could Very Easily Take Up The Cowl (and Already Have In

So Bruce now has several adult children that could very easily take up the cowl (and already have in some cases) but he doesn't seem to be retiring any time soon. So let's say he gets injured in the field, like Bane back-breaking stuff, and he is forced to retire. He wants one of his kids to take up the mantle. Not necessarily pretending to be him, but as the new Batman (like Terry McGinnus in Batman Beyond).

Issue is he doesn't know who the cowl should go to, so he calls a meeting. Everyone is sitting at a long table in the manor when Bruce discusses his sudden, but overdue, retirement.

Bruce: So now we come to the splitting of assets.

He places the cowl on the table in front of him.

Bruce: Figure it out yourself.

He gets up and leaves.

Expecting a fight to break out, he waits to listen at the door in case things get out of hand, lord knows he doesn't want a physical brawl over the cowl. He doesn't expect what happens next.

*silence*

Stephanie: Not it!

Tim: No way!

Dick: Been there, done that.

Damian: No.

Cass: no.

Babs: Already got a job.

Duke: Uh, I think I'm busy that day.

The only person who hasn't said anything is Jason

Dick: Looks like it's you Jay.

Jason: Fuck no, I figured killing people made me exempt already.

Bruce happily sheds a tear, knowing his raised his kids so that none of them want to follow in his footsteps.

After an all nighter where the kids argue over who should take the role

(notable points include:

Tim: I thought you were the 'Blood Son's Dames, it's your 'birthright' and all.

Damian: I plan to donate blood tomorrow.

Jason: Dick, you're the oldest, you take it.

Dick: No! Have you seen how good my ass looks in my current suit? A cape is gonna ruin that silhouette!

Stephanie: Why don't you want it Tim, you're already CEO of WE, why not become full Bruce?

Tim: *shudders* Ra's already is obsessed with me, if I become Batman, he won't leave me the fuck alone.

Eventually they call Bruce back in, having come to a decision. Bruce walks in, not sure who has taken it, but his bets are on either Cass, Dick or Damian. He looks up at the table to see:

Sitting at the head of the table, with the cowl over their face...

Bruce: Um... Alfred?

Dick: Yeah! He has the most experience out of all of us!

Duke: This also means we can keep doing our own things as well.

Jason can't stop laughing at Bruce's face.

Bruce: You're really playing along with this Alfred?

Alfred: I am the night Master Bruce.

Bruce: Real fun-

Alfred: I think you'll find that I am vengeance sir.

Bruce: Okay, I ge-

Alfred: I, young Master, Am Batman.

Bruce phones Kate who laughs in his face.