Latest Posts by smartmouthleila - Page 2
Book Review- The Wealth Elite: A Groundbreaking Study of the Psychology of the Super Rich, by Rainer Zitelmann Notes
I came across this book because I was looking for psychology books. I found the first of the book rather boring and too textbook-y. The second part is much better.
The author interviewed like 45 millionaire - billionaires. These were his findings.
—
48% stated that real estate was an ‘important’ source of their wealth, and one in ten described real estate as the ‘most important’ aspect of their personal wealth-building. And a total of 20% described stock market gains as an ‘important’ factor in wealth-building, although in this case only 2.4% stated that this was the ‘most important’ factor in building their wealth.
‘Creative intelligence’ is key to financial success. The following is a comparison between the percentage of entrepreneurs (and in brackets the percentage of attorneys) who agreed that the following factors played a decisive role in their financial success: seeing opportunities others do not see: 42 (19); finding a profitable niche: 35 (14).
The role of habitus
* Intimate knowledge of required codes of dress and etiquette
* Broad-based general education
* An entrepreneurial attitude, including an optimistic outlook on life
* Supreme self-assurance in appearance and manner.
He identifies a key quality that is essential for any prospective appointee to the executive board or senior management of a major company: habitual similarities to those who already occupy such positions.
Skillset of Entrepreneurs
* The ‘conqueror’. The entrepreneur has to have the ability to make plans and a strong will to carry them out.
* The ‘organizer’. The entrepreneur has to have the ability to bring large numbers of people together into a happy, successful creative force.
* The ‘trader’. What Sombart describes as a ‘trader’, we would more likely call a talented salesperson today. The entrepreneur has to “confer with another, and, by making the best of your own case and demonstrating the weakness of his, get him to adopt what you propose. Negotiation is but an intellectual sparring match.”
Entrepreneurial success personality traits
* Commitment
* Creativity
* A high degree of extroversion
* Low levels of agreeableness
Entrepreneurial success personality traits
* Orientation towards action after suffering disappointments (the entrepreneur remains able to act, even after failure)
* Internal locus of control (the conviction “I hold my destiny in my own two hands”)
* Optimism (the expectation that the future holds positive things in store)
* Self-efficacy (the expectation that tasks can be performed successfully, even in difficult circumstances).
constant power struggles with their teachers in order to ascertain who would emerge the stronger from such confrontations.
Secret of selling
* Empathy
* Didactics
* Expert knowledge
* Networking.
Conscientiousness is the dominant personality trait. Extroversion is also very common among the interviewees. Openness to Experience is very common
A high tolerance to frustration is one of the most characteristic personality traits of this group.
exceptionally high levels of mental stability.
primarily characterize entrepreneurs as being prepared to swim against the current and make their decisions irrespective of majority opinion.
“No, I never did that (lost my temper). I never get loud. But I can be resolute and say: “That is unacceptable.” And then you either have to go your separate ways or make a decision that the other party might not like. It’s the same in negotiations. I was always described by other people as a bit of a toughie.”
Having the courage to stand against majority opinion is probably a prerequisite for making successful investments, as this is what makes it possible to buy cheap and sell high.
Many of the interviewees spoke about their ability to switch off and direct their focus, even in the event of major problems. The interviewees consistently referred to their ability to focus on solutions, rather than torturing themselves with problems.
At least in the initial phases of wealth creation, most of the interviewees rated their own risk profiles as very high. This changes during the stabilization phase, when risk profiles decrease. In this phase, the hypothesis of moderate risk does apply.
Conscientiousness was the interviewees’ most dominant personality trait. It is important to remember that the Big Five theory’s definition of conscientiousness does not just include qualities such as duty, precision, and thoroughness, but also emphasizes diligence, discipline, ambition, and stamina.
Cannot believe no matter how many times I watch the hunger games it still manages to make me so.
THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (2023) dir. Francis Lawrence THE HUNGER GAMES (2012) dir. Gary Ross THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013) dir. Francis Lawrence
(insp.)
So whimsically delicate.
Hunter Schafer as Tigris Snow in The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (2023)
Things I Have to do for My Sanity
1. Wake up at the first alarm - no snoozing and no going lying around in bed. Getting up straight away and head to the bathroom. It’s going to suck initially but you’ll get used to it in a few days.
2. Mental self care: 30 minute meditation, brain games mental math, reading, news. Knowledge is sexy and don’t deny yourself sexiness.
3. Daily review in my diary at the beginning and end of my day: what went well, what didn’t, what I need to accomplish to achieve my goals. This has tremendously helped my goals and keeping my motivation more consistent, especially at work. Analysing and correcting incremental changes creates long term success.
4. Cleaning up before bed - clothes, shoes, organising my bag, etc. I set a timer for 5 minutes and try to get as much done as possible.
5. Pick out my clothes the night before and steam iron them for the next day.
6. Face masks twice a week, a hair mask once a week, I scrub the soles of my feet with that foot scrubbing thingy once a week. Manicures every month because my nail beds are too sensitive to do it biweekly, iron supplements so that I’m not a moody bitch. Matching underwear to feel good about myself. Lavender spray on my pillow before sleeping so that I don’t get weird dreams.
7. Reading biographies and autobiographies. My mentor had suggested this to me and it’s amazing how literally I don’t have a single original experience - everything I’ve felt or mistakes I’ve made have already been done by someone else.
I’m going to curate a list of business books that I feel that have helped me the most recently.
8. I write a short essay everyday in the language I’m currently learning. I also end my day by talking about my day for at least 2 minutes in that language and I record it in voice memos to keep a track of my progress. I want to be fluent to a level where I can think in this language.
✨
I don’t generally share a lot about my personal life - none of you know my name or where I’m based and I feel comfortable doing that. But I do want to start giving out more insights to what I’m doing personally in my career - the good, the bad, the ugly.
Being self aware and honest to myself has helped me improve a lot. I know that shame is my Achilles heel, so now I’m reading books to combat that. I’ve caved in and decided to try therapy for a bit to see if what I’m doing is useful or not. My first session is tomorrow. Staying disciplined was my initial hurdle but the systems I’ve set (waking up early + habit stacking) have helped me slowly overcome that.
Work side, I’ve started establishing myself publicly more. I don’t want to reveal too much about what I do exactly but the good news is that our biggest competitor has noticed my progress (a former employee of that company came to us for an interview and directly asked our top management about me). It’s been 4 months that I’ve been working here but I know that next year I really have to swing the bat and hit a home run. I’ve decided to work on the field more and less in the office to really understand people’s needs and create unique solutions.
The daily/weekly/quarterly diary is definitely credited to my recent wins. That’s the biggest change I’ve made in my routine and i can already see that it’s working well. I’m going to continue refining and implementing that method.
Recent work methods I’ve decided to start working on (I’m not required to do these but I do it for my growth):
1. I’ve started studying popular companies’ business and revenue models in detail. Everything is adoptable and adaptable, you just have to figure out how to tweak something for your company’s clients and needs. Now I’ve decided that I want to keep a track of our competitors, their business models, their owners names, pricing strategy, their target audience etc etc on an excel sheet so that I’m aware with what’s happening in the market.
2. I’ve started making client profiles. Every time I meet a client, I note down their name, the company name, what they were like, anything specific they seemed to like or want, how much they had paid us for a service, what their paying capacity could be, etc.
A Guide to Mastery: Finding Your Life's Work
Mastery is what we hope to attain. We hope to get a point where we become master of our fields, experts of our work, and mentors to younger people. But the big question we ask ourselves is "what should I do?" "what can I do?" "what is my purpose in life?" and that is a very big question that we might spend our entire lives trying to figure out.
It is difficult now, especially when we hear people talk about their careers, we see updates on people's career changes on LinkedIn and everyone is vying for a job in big tech, big law, consulting, Wall Street and you feel left out, not good enough, in fact discouraged.
However, you can find fulfillment by taking this self-discovery one step at a time, at a pace that best suits your skills, and still rise to the top.
Here is how to find your Life's work:
Look back to your childhood
Often to figure out what you want to do or who you want to become you have to look back to your past, your childhood. What made you tick? What classes were most fun for you? Who did you enjoy watching or spending time with growing up? The answers can give you a peek into the kind of life you want. Growing up I enjoyed reading biographies of people. I was obsessed with how they became successful and how they set themselves apart - now my writing mirrors that.
2. Find your niche
The uncertainty or discomfort you feel could be caused by not fitting into one field. You feel like you can do a lot more than there is out there. This is a great feeling. if you feel this way do not be discouraged. It is your life's journey to figure out the intersection of your interest. It is a sign that you should try out multiple things. Your career may become an amalgamation of your interest, ideas, disciplines, and fields. Here are some intersections that I found in people I admire:
Design + Technology - Steve Jobs- Apple Co-founder, Brian Chesky - Airbnb Co-founder
Food + Technology - Apoorva Mehta; co-founder Instacart
Culture + Commerce - Most architects, designers fit this category
Science + Art - Trip Hawkins; founder of Electronic Arts
Community + technology - Whitney Wolfe Herd; Founder of Bumble
Food + business: Kaspar Basse; founder of Joe & The Juice
Sportsmanship + design - Phil Knight; co-founder of Nike
Environmentalism + Sportsmanship - Yvon Chouinard; founder of Patagonia
These people are at the top of their fields. You can start by having a double major, or minoring in a totally different field (Art + Finance, Biology + Sports management etc)
3. Resist the pressure of the majority
There is always a group of people on the other side of your interest and skills - parents, friends, professors, peers who want something different from what you aspire to. You love art but they remind you that the pay is meagre, you want be a lawyer but they tell you, you are not good enough for law. You see, the salary you get paid for doing something you love should not stop you from getting started. You will eventually become so good that the value you provide will eventually command a huge compensation but for now bend down and learn.
4. Find a mentor
Once you get a glimpse of what you feel like you want to do. Find a mentor, your mentor could be distant or imminent. A distant mentor could be a renowned expert, a person you stumble upon through a book, an interview etc. Their story inspires you and you somehow you feel seen, you goals aren't so impossible anymore. The imminent mentors are the people you meet through school, work and whose work has some skills you need to learn for your Life's work. Your relationship with them or experience with them is the closest to reality of your Life's Work. Learn as much as you can in this process.
Welcome to my A Guide to Mastery series inspired by the book Mastery.
I said some possibly hurtful things to my bff. I don't know, after years of living her life elsewhere I feel used when she wants to be with me now that I am conveniently there. I just don't understand friendships, they are so weird.
Double it
The more you say no and reject anything low value the more it’s easier choosing yourself and abiding by your standards.
It becomes easier.
Amen
Access to me is a privilege. A lost art. A pure pleasure. A wall to climb that leads to the best and most beautiful adventure of your lifetime if you’re willing to make it to the other side.
So a private number called my phone at 19:48.
He is the only one who calls me with a private number.
It's weird how aesthetic I find it, so simple and clean just as he is.
It completely unravelled me and that made me mad because I doubt he even feels a single iota of the crazy I feel in regard to him.
It might not even have been him, but he is the only one who calls me private.
I don't understand my feelings for him. I hate him so much and yet I need him near.
Our last encounter I tried to remain stoic, he noticed and I wanted to jump for the hills.
But he is not deserving of my smile. He does not get to see me shine any longer. He has lost the bloody privilege of my happiness.
The nerve of men to want to benefit from giving nothing.
I cry when it's dark out, I cry because I am overwhelmed. I cry because it's not fair. I cry never ending tears. I want to curl up and never leave my bed, it's all a bit much. I know nothing and everything all at once and I feel completely unravelled by it. Vulnerability and intimacy are meant to make you softer more pliable, instead my insides feel like lead and my head is bursting with water. I keep saying the affirmations, I go and work my body ragged but still so violently bad at life. I cry because it's supposed to make me feel better but all I feel is insane and guilty because I do not think I deserve to cry. I am at a better place than most people in the world and yet I feel completely in the shutter. God please unburden me, fix me, fix me, fix me
I'm trying not to take it so personal
I had a dream where I confronted my father and even though I don't remember his answers I feel better knowing it's not me.
I gave up trying.
Listening to crime podcasts is crazy cause why do I know so much about disposing of bodies
I cannot under any circumstances marry into a fraternity
On Education
I firmly believe that education is the very best and most accessible social leveller. Those who are educated are those who will go far and fast, and, despite our rapidly increasing international access to education, a truly educated perspective remains immensely valued. To my mind, there are two types of education, formal and independent, and both are equally invaluable and utterly necessary in our present day and age.
Many girls here go on a great deal about the value of formal education and they’re absolutely right to do so. Simply holding a degree as a woman earns you an enormous amount of respect amongst certain types and, to speak frankly, it’s rapidly becoming a necessity in our world now to hold a Bachelor’s degree at the very least. I vehemently disagree with those who say that a university degree is unnecessary, rather it’s more necessary than ever these days; a degree from an institution with a good name behind it will open doors you never knew existed, I’m continuously surprised by the power my C.V. holds by itself and the opportunities which have opened up to me because of where I’ve studied. The university experience gives you a holistic skillset and understanding that you’ll never be able to replicate elsewhere in its entirety—you need to be educated and you need to hone those skills in forming your own arguments and opinions, you need to be able to read a great deal within a short space of time and meet strict deadlines, and you need to know how to socialise with a wide variety of people from all walks of life.
With that said, you also need to be able to educate yourself and teach yourself new skills, simply going to university will do nothing for you if you can’t also learn new things in your own time and keep everything in motion. It’s important to be constantly learning about the world around you, making your own observations and drawing your own conclusions, and it’s important that you have knowledge and skills outside of your formal specialisations, too—you must be well-rounded. I think that anyone who is looking to go anywhere needs to have a basic and broad knowledge of history, of science, of current affairs and business, of literature and art; you need to speak foreign languages and understand human psychology, you need to be able to play a few card games and know how to properly discuss sports. You can’t just laugh along nervously when those around you mention, say, Willy Brandt or the Opium Wars, you need to actually have a handle on what’s going on and be able to contribute intelligently in order to be taken seriously by anyone at all.
~don’t lower your standards~
so i’ve noticed some people in my life, mostly girls, who date guys who aren’t neccesarily bad (but kinda) , but they’re dating them just to have a bf, yk? like they don’t really like the guy, they just want a bf. obviously it’s none of my business, but loves, don’t lower your standards, don’t date someone just so your not single- date someone when you really care.
know what you want- plan out what you want in a bf/gf
list traits that you find important in a relationship and a partner
decide what you would tolerate and what you wouldn’t
manifest and believe- you will meet your dream person when the time is right!
set your priorities- better yourself
don’t put all your energy towards finding a date, you’ll only get your heart broken
work towards your goals and dreams, keep your friends close
don’t be desperate- don’t go for someone you don’t like
if someone asks you out but you really don’t like them, just reject them!
don’t date someone/go out with someone if you really don’t like them
wait-
just wait, in time you will meet your dream person! remember to not be desperate, know what you want in a relationship, work on yourself and don’t let relationships bring you down
~healing your inner child~
hey loves! i want to share some tips on healing your inner child, or just bringing it out! i think that when we incorporate childhood habits it brings joy into our lives and offers some balance :)
mental health-
it might feel weird doing things from your childhood, but don’t worry about judgement (you don’t need to tell people if u don’t want)
address underlying mental health conditions (if you had childhood trauma this is super important)
write a letter to a child version of yourself
anytime you have negative thoughts think about your child self- would you want to say those things to them?
trying old hobbies-
remember old hobbies you enjoyed as a kid and do them!
don’t worry about the quality of it (ex. like the quality of your art or something) just enjoy the process!
comfort-
watch old movies/tv shows u like (i always watch the star wars movies, even the bad ones, just cuz they make me feel happy
have objects like blankets and stuffed animals
at the end of the day, do what brings you joy. it might feel weird to watch old movies you liked, or have childish hobbies, but at the end of the day, channeling your inner child can spark joy, and benefit your mental health!
~becoming productive ~
set your goals-
what do you want to achieve?
what are your goals?
look at your life- what can you improve?
look at yourself- how can you improve?
start organizing your life-
look at your goals and establish habits to achieve them
clean your room and environment
delete old apps
remove toxic people
unfollow accounts that make you feel negative
turn off electronics to clear your mind
consistency over intensity-
stick with the habits you’ve decided on
make little changes to your life everyday- something easy, like reading 10 minutes a day
find ways to attain your goals and your new healthy habits
stay motivated-
remember WHY you started
review your goals
surround yourself with positivity- positive quotes, positive people, positive accounts
2023 Goals
I will be taking a page out of the book, The 12 Week Year, and divide my year into quarters. I will be setting daily goals that I will be tracking with a habit tracker. I will also be setting monthly goals and doing a monthly challenge each month. For January, I will be doing a digital detox.
1. Improve my mental and physical health. I’ve made a big decision to stop focusing on weight loss. I’ve always been prone to being a little heavier than most, but I believe I carry it well and that’s just the way my body is. I just want to be healthier, and if I lose weight as a result of that, then so be it. I just want to love the body I’m in and make peace with the way I look. I think it’ll do wonders for my mental health. To accomplish this goal, I will:
- mediate 5-15 minutes a day
- exercise 5 days a week at Burn Boot Camp (start with 2 and work my way up)
- drink 2-3 bottles of water a day
- cook healthy meals at home
- journal regularly
- pray regularly
- take vitamins and medication everyday
2. Clear up skin. I think it would do a lot for my appearance to have clear, healthy looking skin. I’ve purchased a package of chemical peels and I’m on my second one of three. I will continue to get chemical peels every 5-6 weeks until I reach my desired result. I also have a skincare routine recommended by my dermatologist, so I have been following that. The big challenge will be to stop picking at my skin. I know that’s holding me back in accomplishing my skincare goals. I know my anxiety plays into my skin-picking, so I will get that under control through the previous goal.
3. Transition to freelance writing. I am currently working at a corporate job in the finance industry. Although the pay is good and my team is great, I don’t like it. It stresses me out a lot and I don’t think I can do it long term. I envision myself as a business owner with a more flexible schedule. I’ve always loved writing and I would like to make it my career. Charging what I’m worth and creating a schedule that works for me would be a dream. First, I need to pick a niche I would like to write it, find clients on Upwork so that I can build my portfolio, and then make a website to draw in client. Once I have a solid portfolio and have built up my skills, I will start cold-emailing people that I want to work with. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave my job by mid-year. I will leave once I am making the same amount freelancing per hour that I am making per hour at my job.
4. Save $$$. I have a savings goal in mind, but I won’t share it here. I aim to save 70% of my income from my primary job and 100% of my income from my side job(s). I am blessed to live at home which makes this possible. I would like to move out in 2024, so this year is about laying down the financial groundwork to make that possible.
5. Read 30 books. I already have a running list of books to read on my Good Reads, so it will just be about finding the time to read. I tend to burn through fiction books pretty quickly, but non-fiction tends to take me longer. Hopefully my digital detox in January will give me lots of time to read.
Very excited for this year! What are your goals? Do we have any similar ones?
Femme Fatale Guide: Habits To Become Your Best Self In 2023
Some habits, routine ideas, and mindset shifts to help make 2023 your best year yet. Hope this helps and inspires you to reach your goals for the next 12 months. Remember to work hard and take care of yourself. Once you put your mind to it, the sky is the limit! xx
Make Your Meals Plant-Based & Produce-Focused: Center your meals around a variety of vegetables, fruits, plant proteins, potatoes, and unprocessed plant-based fats (avocado, nuts, seeds) and minimal whole grains.
Get Creative With Stress Eating Substitutions: Discover healthy swaps for your meals and snacks to ensure what you're eating without sacrificing your goals. Some simple substitutes include mixing in cauliflower rice into your whole grain rice to add nutrients/volume while slashing the calories, using half an avocado with lemon as a salad dressing over spoonfuls of olive oil, swapping meat for lentils in a chill, soups, or stir fry, choosing frozen grapes or whipped bananas with berries over candy or ice cream for a sweet treat, etc. Remember: Spices and seasoning are your best friends.
Be Mindful of Your Beverage Consumption: Consuming enough water is essential. However, if you get bored with water, add some herbal and black tea, black coffee, or fruit-filled water into the mix. Cinnamon, vanilla, and apple or peach teas are great options to satisfy cravings and prevent mindless snacking (not a substitute for food – eat if you're genuinely hungry). For the winter season, try using some pure cocoa powder with hot water, vanilla extract, and a tablespoon or two of plant-based milk for a healthy hot cocoa drink.
Prioritize Long Walks: Carve out 1-2 hours of your day to get 10-12K steps in at least 5 days a week. Go outside if possible or jump on a treadmill/walking pad to get in some movement while watching TV, talking on the phone, or catching up on some emails.
Find A Simple Resistance Workout You Love: Yoga, pilates, or an at-home weight-training or body-weight exercise you can do at home. Browse different YouTube videos for 10-30 minute workouts to try or sign up for a class in your local area to make it a more social experience (and force yourself to take accountability to show up in the first place).
Create Short & Long "Bookend" Routines: Create a simple routine for the beginning and end of the task-filled portion of your day. For most of us, these routines would be done in the morning and evening/at night before and after work, school, or doing chores/errands. Let go of the rigid idea that these routines need to be done at certain times of the day. Set yourself up to win and tailor them to your schedule. Consider these short routines (like drinking a cup of coffee/tea, reading, meditation, journaling, a walk, or a short dancing session) your warm-up and cool-down sessions of the day. Having these rituals to look forward to will give you the energy and motivation to do what you need to get done each day.
Practice This 10-10-10 Mindfulness Practice: Make time for at least 10 pages of reading, 10 minutes of meditation, and 10 minutes of journaling daily (This can include shadow work) either in the morning or nighttime to clear and reset your mindset for the day.
Take An Hour To Plan Out Your Week: It's most convenient to do this power hour on a weekend (I typically reserve an hour before dinner on Sunday for weekly planning). Write out all of your main work tasks, schedule any due date reminders (for work, bills, chores, and other life necessities), must-do errands, emails and calls or appointments to make, etc.). I like using the Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change and my Reminders app/Google calendar via iCloud to sync deadlines and times to schedule messages/tasks/bills, so everything will be in front of me at the correct time throughout the week.
Prioritize 1-3 Tasks Daily: You might need to choose one large project to work on in small chunks or select a "Big 3" for the day, depending on how complex, lengthy, and time-consuming your projects/errands or appointments are for the day. Using this method allows you to be efficient, streamline your life, and feel productive without overwhelming yourself on the regular (the fastest route to burnout).
Make A Life Admin Schedule (and Stick To It): Choose days (and times if possible) of the week to update certain spreadsheets, batch reply to less urgent messages, clean your house, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Scheduling these tasks ahead of time eliminates half of the battle for following through on what you need to do. Eventually, you will make these tasks into habitual routines that your brain will allow you to execute effortlessly as though you're in autopilot mode.
Mind Your "Circle of Influence": Do an intake on the 5-10 people you speak to the most or value in your life. If you're an employee, it is probably best to not include your boss or coworkers in this consideration list, as you need to work amicably with them regardless of your personal feelings. Look how you feel during your interactions with your friends, family, intimate partner, or an adjacent love interest. Consider how they speak to you, about themselves, and the topics your conversations are focused around. See if they align with the person you want to be and your goals. Evaluate how close you want to be and what parts of your life you think would be the most beneficial for you and the relationship going into 2023.
Set Boundaries: Understand your expectations, non-negotiables, and limits in every area of your life. Communicate these principles to others clearly, so they know when they are overstepping. Don't tolerate disrespect, but also don't expect others to be mind-readers. If someone knows that they're crossing your boundaries, it is easy to draw the line in the sand and walk away without the guilt or shame that can arise when conflicts originate from a lack of healthy communication.
Incorporate One Creative Practice Into Your Week: Reinvigorate your mind by engaging in at least one hour of creative activity per week. Try drawing, creative writing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, pottery, jewelry making, graphic design, photography, etc. Even taking a foreign language course or creating a Pinterest inspiration/mood board or organizing your home/closets in an aesthetically-pleasing way counts. Figure out what creative outlet(s) you find satisfying. Prioritize scheduling this practice into your schedule weekly.
Refine Your Signature Look: Edit your wardrobe, try out a new haircut, or change up your makeup routine, nail color, or signature scent. Consider how you can close any gaps between your authentic personal style and how you present yourself on a day-to-day basis. Create an inspiration board if needed to help yourself define your unique aesthetic and gradually work towards embodying your ideal look.
Keep A "Praise" Archive: Create a record of all of the messages you receive highlighting your achievements, milestones, recognitions, or compliments. Compile a folder that acts as your "praise" archive for every area of your life. Create a folder in your work email inbox to save all of your professional achievements, praise, and positive contributions. Do the same for your personal email. Create a folder in your photo album of screenshotted texts. Keep a running list on your "Notes" app of any compliments you receive on your conversational contributions, actions, attire, personality, smile, etc. Hyping yourself up to connect to your highest self.
Create A "Siren" Kit: Take note of all of the clothing, scents, songs, cosmetics, phrases, people, and other aspects of your environment that empower you to feel your sexiest. Keep all of these items/songs/texts together to make it simple to set the mood before engaging in some indulgent action or revisit when you need a boost of confidence throughout your week.
Do A Financial Audit: Create an income/expenses spreadsheet to understand your current spending behavior and budgeting plan going forward. Set up your 2023 financial goals and projections, including target amounts for income, savings, and investments.
Give Yourself A Weekly "Treat": Find a healthy indulgence that you can strategically incorporate into your week. This "treat" can be a massage or nail appointment, permission to watch a movie or a couple episodes of a TV show, a serving of your favorite dessert or a glass of wine, etc. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Consider regular indulgence as an act of self-care not as a sign of weakness or self-destruction. Embracing pleasure does not require guilt or external permission.
Happy New Year, loves! Cheers to an abundant 2023 xx
Self Care Tips for the High Maintenance Woman 🌸
Life is tough…. but don’t let it consume you!
Hey babes, It’s your girl Chichi! it’s no secret that living in the 21st century is tough. It seems like there are more demands on women than ever before, and the expectations for what a woman should be capable of doing at any given moment seem to increase with each passing day. The result? Stress levels through the roof, not enough time or money to do anything about it, and an emotional rollercoaster that never stops running.
Self-care is important for everyone, but it’s especially crucial for women in the age of self-doubt, social media judgment, and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)
The good news is you don’t have to live this way! Further down in this blog post, we’ll discuss 3 self-care tips for women so you can finally start taking better care of yourself without sacrificing who you are. 💅🏾
So… Chichi what even is self-care?
When you care for yourself, you are taking time to recharge your batteries. Its a form of tapping into your Feminine Energy! You’re self-nurturing, taking care of your body and mind so you can be the best version of yourself. It’s not selfish or a sign that you don’t love others; it’s simply about giving yourself what you need to do all the hard work in life. If you are interested in some other tips; “On how to tap into your Feminine Energy click here!
Self-care can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day for yourself, doing something that makes you feel good inside out, surrounding yourself with self-loving people, or treating yourself to something special every once in a while..
Self care is crucial for us High Maintenance Ladies!
A lack of self-care comes from never feeling like we have enough time, money, or self-love to do the things we need. We don’t prioritize ourselves because of our own self-doubt and lack of self-worth. Keep scrolling down to find out what 3 self care tips I focus most of my attention on!
#01 Prioritize Sleeping Early
Want to improve your looks, memory, concentration, energy, and productivity? Want to more easily maintain a healthy weight? Want to strengthen your immune system and live happier, healthier, and longer? TRY GETTING AT LEAST 7-8 HOURS OF REST EACH NIGHT!
How you put yourself to bed and what time you turn off the lights makes a huge impact on how productive you’ll be the following morning, as well as our looks, memory, concentration, energy, and maintaining healthy weight. I find it repulsive that western society stigmatizes sleep. Glorifying those who can push through an all-nighter and dismissing those who prioritize sleep as lazy or unmotivated.
Humans are not like the owls, or cats, or bats that sleep in the day and are awake at night. We are physiologically programmed to do the opposite. This phenomenon has been understood for thousands of years and was recently validated by modern science.
If your like me and used to be a night owl I literally had to train my brain to sleep early as 8-10pm! After a few weeks I fully became used to it and I’ve been doing this for the past year and a half! Here’s how I was able to do it:
1.Avoid Large Meals Right Before Bedtime. Eat dinner at least 3 hours before sleeping
2.Start prepping yourself for bed in the Early Evening 7-8pm. Keep lights low. Limit exposure to bright light in the evenings. Relax. Worrying about a problem or a long to-do list can be a recipe for insomnia. Well before you turn in, try writing down your worries and make a list of tasks you want to remember. This “worry journal” may help move these distracting thoughts from your mind. Closer to bedtime, try com¬forting rituals that may help lull you to sleep: Listen to soft, calming music, take a warm bath, do some easy stretches or read a book or magazine by soft light.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation right before you head to bed:
“I deserve to sleep 8 hours each night, because I am worth it!”
#02 Stay Active & Keep moving!
We know that staying active is one of the best ways to keep our bodies healthy. But did you know it can also improve your overall well-being and quality of life?
Here are just a few of the ways physical activity can help you feel better, look better and live better. Because, why not?
Regular physical activity can relieve stress, anxiety, depression and anger. You know that “feel good sensation” you get after doing something physical? Think of it as a happy pill with no side effects! Most people notice they feel better over time as physical activity becomes a regular part of their lives.It keeps you physically fit and able.
Without regular activity, your body slowly loses its strength, stamina and ability to function properly. It’s like the old saying: you don’t stop moving from growing old, you grow old from stopping moving. Exercise increases muscle strength, which in turn increases your ability to do other physical activities.
I dedicate an hour a day to practicing either Yoga (for relaxation, raising my vibration, & aligning my chakra’s) & Pilates (for stretching & maintaining my figure) with my little sister.
For those who don’t know what pilates is I’ll give you a quick summary..
Pilates is a challenging low impact exercise method that balances strength with mobility, aligns the body, fine-tunes movement patterns, and strengthens the deeper muscles of the core. It helps strengthen your core, Posture, reduces mensural pain, eliminates stress, boosts flexibility & agility enhances body awareness.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation when you choose exercise!
“I deserve keep my body fit, because I am worth it!”
#03 Make a habit of eating healthy
Practicing self-care eating means making thoughtful choices about the foods that you put into your body.
Being mindful of what your putting inside of your body is important! Think about it you were born with this body only. would you want to feed it things that would be detrimental to your health?
If you think about it..without attending to one’s own bodily, emotional, and mental needs, how can that same person attend to anything or anyone else?
The food that you choose should provide energy and the nutrition that you need to manage your weight and stay healthy for the long-term. That includes protein, vitamins, fruits, vegetables, whole grains and healthy fats.
To practice self-care eating, ask yourself these 6 questions when you are in the grocery store, planning your meals for the week, or sitting down to eat:
Am I eating to fuel my body? Food is energy. If you are choosing food for other reasons, try writing in a food journal to better understand those choices.
Am I including fresh fruits and vegetables? Fruits and vegetables provide important micro-nutrition as well as fibre. Good gut health will lead to a longer life! reduce risk of Colon Cancer.
Am I meeting my hydration goals? 64 oz or 2L of water, each day help you maintain regularity, lubricate joints, avoid headaches, and regulate temperature.
Am I eating at mealtimes? An eating schedule helps you avoid mindless snacking, impulsive or emotional eating, and helps keep calorie intake in check.
Am I focused on the meal, or distracted by something else? Eat in your eating place. Avoid eating in the car, in front of the TV, or in your relaxing place.
You can practice saying this self-care affirmation when you choose nutritious meals!
“I deserve to eat this healthy food, because I am worth it!”
In Conclusion…
We all need to care for ourselves for different reasons. Whether you have a family, work full time outside of the home, or are studying to become a professional and it’s hard to balance both responsibilities with self-care.
Self-care is an essential part of living a healthy life. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you may not be able to take care of the people who matter most to you.
Taking time for yourself without feeling guilty, isn’t selfish. It’s essential. It may be difficult at first, but it’s worth the effort if you want to feel healthy and be there for the people you love the most.
If making yourself a priority isn’t coming naturally to you yet, don’t give up—it only gets easier with practice. It takes different forms depending on your needs and personality preferences. One self-care routine could involve taking walks outside or listening to music while another might mean reading a good book by candlelight.
So, find what works best and inspires you and make yourself a priority.
Have any self care tips you’d like to add? let us know in the comments! (chichi xo)
want to see more posts like these? follow @miss-femme-fatale for more!
Source: @miss-femme-fatale
RE-INVENT YOURSELF FOR 2022
this post was inspired by this tiktok: here
okay first realise..realise you have the power to change ANYTHING. its never too late to change your reality. dont think that you’re too “old” and that its late for you. people are in their 40s, 50s, 60s trying to find themselves and their true identity and trying out new hobbies! this idea that life ends when you’re 30 or whatever is such bullshit. you have so much time to change anything you want and nothing is impossible. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
once you realise that, you can conquer anything. your problems are so small compared to you, because you’re magnificent. in this time of age we do not stop to congratulate ourselves because we are always comparing ourselves to other peoples lives on social media, or our parents are comparing us to other peoples kids. take time to CONGRATULATE YOURSELF for atleast wanting to try doing better for yourself. thats already an achievement and a step closer to achieving your dream life. some of you guys have been through hell and back, yet you’re still here. just congratulate yourself on that, because thats amazing. really.
now..lets start a funeral.
write down or take mental note of all your “bad habits” than can include something simple as procrastinating or idk nail biting. GET RID OF THEM. DECLARE THIS NOW that you will stop doing those habits, these bad habits do not benefit you. now, its pretty easy to cling back onto these “bad habits” so dont even worry about it. if you do it again do not belittle yourself, do not beat yourself up about it omg. literally dont you’re still amazing and hey..maybe you won’t completely get rid of them so start minimising how much you do those so-called bad habits
secondly, the mental glow up
mental glowups are also important aswell as physical glowups. mental glowups really do wonders and can impact your physical appearance!
• don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake.
i feel like its so normal for us to do this and i think if you were in a household that was not particularly great at emotional wellbeing you would struggle whenever you make mistake cus you would beat yourself up about it, its a tactic we’ve learned to do and its not a very good one.
• treat yourself with kindness.
how you treat a little child under your care, treat your mind and yourself as so. when you feel under pressure, when you feel caught up with everything. take it slow. and realise, you’re amazing and you can get through any obstacle.
• treat yourself like a QUEEN!
honestly, we should all start treating ourselves like the beautiful people we are?? like yeah i woke up messy hair and all but i am still beautiful. i am still shockingly pretty and i rock any hairdo.
• prioritise yourself. stop prioritising others.
now dont get me wrong, when the moment is right you can put others before yourself..BUT NOT ALL THE DAMN TIME! treat yourself, love yourself and prioritise yourself.
thirdly, the PHYSICAL GLOWUP!
now whatever you want to look like, visualise, script, command your subconscious or affirm that what you look like is IN YOUR REALITY! and nothing can stop that, literally nothing can. and in the meantime literally just love yourself, congratulate yourself..i mean your physical glowup is here and you look absolutely stunning.
take plenty of selfies cus you’re beautiful.
go outside and hang out with friends PLEASE DO NOT PUT A HAULT ON YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR MANIFESTATIONS.
pretend you’re a celebrity on vogue doing your routine in the bathroom. literally have fun, do hairstyles you wanna try, spend a lil bit of money on skin care + makeup.
NOW..COMBINE EVERYTHING IVE JUST SAID.
okay, now combine everything and just do it, dont be scared. why are you scared? you still have plenty of time to make mistakes and try again, and get your dream life, you still have time to love yourself and gain knowledge of YOU and stuff you like. now..you dont need the “perfect life” i feel like that is being so targeted towards young people nowadays searching for that “perfect life” that builds up so much more pressure, tbh. all you need is stability. become stable and consistent in habits, relationships, your body and your mind. (if u want, u can obvi have ur perfect life hun)
Winter'21/22 reset prep & plan
Hi angels, it's been a minute since my last blog post but I'm back and ready for a much needed transformation.
Winter is the PERFECT time for a reset and for getting yourself back on track after a detour (which are very common and very normal and totally okay!)
I myself haven't been feeling so great lately, due to a combination of things, a lack of time and energy and I haven't been doing the things that make me feel like me and I have felt like in certain situations, I've violated my own boundaries and abounded my values for the sake of others and a few events in my life completely changed the way I view the world, myself and others. But this is not what this post is about, this post is for anyone that feels like they need a fresh start or feels like they need to get back on track! (although I def have to make a few posts about some of these topics because they are SO important)
You need a fresh start before new year's so you can become the best version of yourself. You do not want to be making major changes without addressing your current problems.
Grab a pice of paper and pen and get ready to dig deep! Remember the theme of this is RESET.
Phase 1 (plan)
Figure out what you want out of this reset. Everyone's journey is different. I personally want to get back to where I was, you could want to turn a new page after heartbreak, or you could want to completely abandon your old life and your old self and start from the beginning. Everyone's going to have different needs, identify them.
Reflect on your current situation
Figure out exactly which areas of your life that you've neglected, and find out why
Identify bad habits you want to get rid of
Identify your triggers
Try to get a clear idea of where you want to be at the end of winter (this is going ti be different for everyone)
Notice if anything's been bothering you lately (do you seem to have less energy, are you forgetting things easily, that sort of thing)
Remember good habits/ routines you had implemented but now no longer engage in
Identify the situations/ people/ events/ habits that do not serve you, and let go of them
If it does not make you feel good, it has no place in your life
Find out which situations/ trauma remain unresolved, and sit with yourself for while and try to work them. Feel free to reach out to someone if needed.
Shadow work is perfect for this!!
Get crystal clear on who you are as an individual, what you stand for, what you believe in, what you like, what you dislike, etc. get to know yourself!
re-examine your goals and re-focus if needed
Phase 2 (feel your best)
Health
Get back on your diet (if you were on one like keto, paleo, Mediterranean, intermittent fasting, plant-based, etc.)
This time of year I find that people tend to eat heavier, more sugary meals, I for one am guilty, and they tend to upset my gut. I would recommend you find out which foods make you feel bad/ sluggish/ heavy/ nauseous/ bloated/ etc. and limit them
Now is a great time to go on a water fast if you're experienced with fasting
Try to walk and dance more
If you've stopped working out, ease your way back into it, starting with once a week, twice a week, etc until you're back at your regular pace.
Swap out your usual routine for something less intense (walking instead of running, lighter weights, etc.)
Get your blood tested!!! check your vitamin D, B12 and iron levels
Tea has so many benefits and will keep you warm!
Face & Body care
If you've been neglecting your self-maintenance this is the time to get back to old routines. Personally, I haven't found the energy for my weekly facials however I enjoy them so much and I've decided this is something I want back in my life, I also need to get back on my IPL schedule. This is going to be different for everyone.
Hair
clarifying treatments
henna masks
hair masks in general
get a trim or look into dusting if you want to maintain your length
ACV rinses are great
Give your hair a break from relaxers, heat, bleach, etc.
Scent
How to smell good from head to toe, AKA my scent routine
Also, figure out if you have BO and try to get rid of it (I can make a post on this!)
Phase 3 (mental wellbeing)
This is the star of this reset!
Give yourself a social media detox, whatever that looks like for you (take a break/ edit your followers and following lists/ completely delete/ deactivate your account/ only use social media on your laptop/ use extensions to limit your social media usage/ only for 30 minutes a day/ etc. figure out what works best for you and what you need)
Cut out toxic people from your life and people who do not make you feel good
Find out what drains your energy (people, places, situations, social media, listening to too much music with harmful lyrics, partying, gossiping, etc.)
Get clear on your personal values
Get clear on your personal boundaries (in relationships, friendships, at work/ school, mental boundaries as well)
Identify any self-sabotaging or people pleasing behaviour
Let go and detach yourself from anything that does not serve
Release shame
Forgive yourself
Recognize and stop comparison
Get clear on what you will and will not tolerate
Place some rules on yourself and your life, if you find yourself going down a slippery path (I will not vape, I will not entertain a man just because I'm bored, I'm will not gossip, etc.)
Work on getting eight hours of sleep
Journal to organize your thoughts
Once again, shadow work!!!
Go on a dopamine detox
Recognize red flags in relationships, friendships, work place, etc.
Recognize your own red flags and work on them
Give yourself closure if you need to
Vent to a friend who is willing to help
Remove yourself from harmful situations
Choose to be happy
Reconnect with old friends
Smiling is an instant mood booster
Work on your insecurities
practice intentional kindness, to yourself and others
Speaking of, self-compassion is so so important during this journey
Find your comfort shows/ movies/ food for fun
appreciate and find joy in the little things
Work on any traumas you may have (childhood, generational, relationships, friendships, etc.)
Identify unhealthy patterns in your life
Recognize what your grateful for
Recognize the areas in your life where you have improved, things your proud of yourself for, no mater how small
Heal energetic cords
Choose to put things behind you and to move on
Be intentional with everything, with your healing, with your emotions, with your thoughts and your actions
Journal for self-reflection
celebrate small victories
Positive self talk in the mirror is life-changing
Find out what fulfill you
Let go of limiting beliefs
make your self and your wellbeing a priority
Remind yourself of moments life has been kind to you
Focus on healing
Stop caring about other people's judgements of you
learn to control your emotions and reactions
Phase 4 (living)
Now is a great time for any of your usual reset rituals
Spend time with people you leave you feeling good
Do something nice for someone
Yoga + meditation for new beginnings
Practice LOA, whatever that means for you
Get back on track with your studying
revisit and relearn old skills
Do small things that make you happy (baking brownies, buying flowers, painting your nails, etc.)
Explore your city!! there are so many fun things to do
Consider taking a trip somewhere
Buy yourself a symbolic piece of jewellery
Asses your money habits
Make any and all lifestyle changes necessary
Work on reimplementing any good habits/ routines back into your life
Get enough sleep!!
Go out in nature! it's so healing
make plans for days when you are not feeling so great
I just want you to know that I am so so proud of you for putting in the effort to better your self and your life. Self-improvement journeys are never linear and you will have bad days, bad weeks or bad months and that's okay! it is a part of growth.
Lots of love,
Serena
xx
You Can’t SEDUCE When You Lack STRATEGY
urTOOspoiled Big Sis Series
The main thing I’ve noticed about men is that they ALWAYS date with intention and a play.
This is BOTH from good men and the hobosexuals. They know what they’re doing.
INTENTION: an aim or a plan
PLAY: a report on what is happening in a sports game; plan breakdown
Men NEVER “go with the flow”. They either have ill, self centered (using you as a placeholder/booty call) or mutually beneficial intentions (marriage, FWB etc.).
In addition, they NEVER aimlessly find their way towards their goal. They have a goal and they break down the actions behind the accomplishment.
Sometimes it’s your heart. Sometimes it’s your life insurance plan.
It’s time we, as women, buckle up and have our own agendas lined up.
LAW 4
Always Say Less Than Necessary
I love my ladies but we do indeed pillow talk too much to the men we are dating. We tell them our backstories. We tell them how our exes did us dirty and all they do is sit back and take notes for when it’s their turn to do the same.
ITS TIME WE LIE AND LEAVE OUT INFO.
In addition, stop letting men lead the convo because you’re too intimidated to hold the conversation. It’s your job to get him to spill as much info about himself for you to gather a conclusion about your intentions with him.
LAW 9
Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument
Get it through your thick skull that you’ll never win an argument with a man using your words. Definitely not if you raise your voice.
A lot of women message me stating how they keep “telling” their man how to treat them and I sigh & laugh because I remember when I was that ditzy.
Men are indeed like dogs. You’ll get almost nowhere yelling or repeating yourself to a dog whose insisting on not listening to you (i.e. pulling the leash while you call their name.).
You can let the dog pull you and continue to yell…but where does that get you expect IGNORED and IN DISTRESS?
Put your foot down…and out the door. Just for the love of God stop playing dumb for peen.
LAW 17
Keep Others In Suspended Terror: Cultivate An Air of Unpredictability
“Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables. Be deliberately unpredictable.”
It’s one thing to be mysterious but it’s another to add the razzle dazzle of randomness in the mix. You see, you can predict someone being mysterious- being somewhat reserved or private.
Be unpredictable and have a moment where you’re transparent. Everyone shouldn’t have the same (good) impression of you. Some may view you as serious and laid back while others couldn’t imagine you being nothing other than bubbly. Shake shit up.
Closing Thoughts:
Men have created a culture of sharing the secrets of using women to their advantage. They’re not clueless nor uneducated on how to treat you correctly therefore it’s unproductive to attempt to teach them.
They are simply using the strategy their barber, daddy, coach, teammates and Pastor passed along to them since you (most likely) weren’t taught any better. They have a community-a village that molds them, something women do not have in general.
My goal here is to create community while encouraging young women to use LOGIC when it comes to romance. It’s both for safety and spoiled brat purposes.
It still feels unreal. I am stepping into her but I feel all out of sorts, it's quiet strange.
Opening up to someone and being vulnerable seems great on paper but looking into their eyes and opening that door to that dark room in your mind. It feels like labor pains.
Someone posted this in my discord chat the other day and I’ve been thinking about it nonstop bc this girl is the most correct girl I’ve seen in far too long and she’s right!
We need to bring back murdering multi millionaires for their money.