All The Time

wait hold on nobody told me i was being gaslighted-

Gaslighting. The Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Ok, I officially suck at sarcasm.  The trouble with gaslighting is that it sticks. It becomes such an ingrained part of who you are and how you think.  Examples:  You were told often as a child that “you are always in the way”  You can be minding your own business, stood perfectly still, just looking or thinking and someone bumps into you. Your first instinct is to say “sorry”. If by some miracle the person who walked into you manages to say sorry first… what are you going to reply? You reply “No, it’s my fault.. I am always in the way”.  You were blamed or yelled at for things you didn’t do as a child.  Someone you work with has their purse stolen. Your immediate emotional response is guilt and fear. You expect to be blamed and yelled at. You expect to be questioned by the authorities. You may even search your mind over and over for a memory or a clue that actually you are responsible and you did take the purse.  Trying to confront your abuser with the truth of what they said resulting in denial.  Those few occasions when you tried to express your pain, you were told it didn’t happen or was never said to you. So now, every time someone says something hurtful to you, you don’t respond. You can’t trust what you heard. You look for other meanings or decide you must have misunderstood.  You were told you are difficult and oversensitive.  You cannot now trust your emotional responses. You are afraid to react and express yourself in case others see just how ridiculous you really are. You bottle up your emotions to the point you cannot even cry sometimes and you feel empty.  Growing up you were often told you were unlikable and unlovable.  You find yourself as an adult not pursuing friendships or relationships. If they don’t call you, it’s a rejection. If they cancel plans, it’s a rejection. You come to believe that you are intrinsically not wanted by anyone unless they put in enough effort to get to know you and make it inside your defences. Everything is always your fault. Your friend stopped talking to you and you are asked “What did you do wrong?”. Now, the ending of a relationship is a dark journey into despair trying to find the flaw in yourself that ended it. You may call that person promising to change, if they could just please tell you what you did that was so wrong. No matter if they treated you badly, they wouldn’t do that if you could just be better.  You feel crazy. You can’t trust what you hear, what you see, what you think or how you respond. Nothing is solid and tangible. It’s always the worst case scenario. You are afraid of yourself and everyone around you. You are terrified people will see the “real you” and you will never see them again. You can’t push your career or your education because you can’t believe in yourself.  Gaslighting is insidious and invasive and changes everything about the way we relate to ourselves. The only way to fight it is to be mindful. Take the time to think before you respond. Challenge yourself daily. Teach your inner voice to be kind to you. Learn to trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and the wonderful,  imperfectly perfect human being that you are.  <3

wait hold on nobody told me i was being gaslighted-

Gaslighting. The Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Ok, I officially suck at sarcasm.  The trouble with gaslighting is that it sticks. It becomes such an ingrained part of who you are and how you think.  Examples:  You were told often as a child that “you are always in the way”  You can be minding your own business, stood perfectly still, just looking or thinking and someone bumps into you. Your first instinct is to say “sorry”. If by some miracle the person who walked into you manages to say sorry first… what are you going to reply? You reply “No, it’s my fault.. I am always in the way”.  You were blamed or yelled at for things you didn’t do as a child.  Someone you work with has their purse stolen. Your immediate emotional response is guilt and fear. You expect to be blamed and yelled at. You expect to be questioned by the authorities. You may even search your mind over and over for a memory or a clue that actually you are responsible and you did take the purse.  Trying to confront your abuser with the truth of what they said resulting in denial.  Those few occasions when you tried to express your pain, you were told it didn’t happen or was never said to you. So now, every time someone says something hurtful to you, you don’t respond. You can’t trust what you heard. You look for other meanings or decide you must have misunderstood.  You were told you are difficult and oversensitive.  You cannot now trust your emotional responses. You are afraid to react and express yourself in case others see just how ridiculous you really are. You bottle up your emotions to the point you cannot even cry sometimes and you feel empty.  Growing up you were often told you were unlikable and unlovable.  You find yourself as an adult not pursuing friendships or relationships. If they don’t call you, it’s a rejection. If they cancel plans, it’s a rejection. You come to believe that you are intrinsically not wanted by anyone unless they put in enough effort to get to know you and make it inside your defences. Everything is always your fault. Your friend stopped talking to you and you are asked “What did you do wrong?”. Now, the ending of a relationship is a dark journey into despair trying to find the flaw in yourself that ended it. You may call that person promising to change, if they could just please tell you what you did that was so wrong. No matter if they treated you badly, they wouldn’t do that if you could just be better.  You feel crazy. You can’t trust what you hear, what you see, what you think or how you respond. Nothing is solid and tangible. It’s always the worst case scenario. You are afraid of yourself and everyone around you. You are terrified people will see the “real you” and you will never see them again. You can’t push your career or your education because you can’t believe in yourself.  Gaslighting is insidious and invasive and changes everything about the way we relate to ourselves. The only way to fight it is to be mindful. Take the time to think before you respond. Challenge yourself daily. Teach your inner voice to be kind to you. Learn to trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and the wonderful,  imperfectly perfect human being that you are.  <3

This is for all those who live in an abusive household or with toxic parents for whom moving out isn't a viable option. You'll find your happiness away from them one day ✨

Whether it’s because you’re underage, can’t move, have moved with your abusers to a new place where you have no connections and don’t speak the language. Whatever the reason, hold on x

i don’t know how much longer i can wait

im down 🙋🏼‍♀️😂

does anyone with a terrible, shitty sibling want to talk???

How do I befriend myself?  I am [after all] the now who hurt me the most.

😅😅😅

Made another meme with this template

wait hold on nobody told me i was being gaslighted-

Gaslighting. The Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Ok, I officially suck at sarcasm.  The trouble with gaslighting is that it sticks. It becomes such an ingrained part of who you are and how you think.  Examples:  You were told often as a child that “you are always in the way”  You can be minding your own business, stood perfectly still, just looking or thinking and someone bumps into you. Your first instinct is to say “sorry”. If by some miracle the person who walked into you manages to say sorry first… what are you going to reply? You reply “No, it’s my fault.. I am always in the way”.  You were blamed or yelled at for things you didn’t do as a child.  Someone you work with has their purse stolen. Your immediate emotional response is guilt and fear. You expect to be blamed and yelled at. You expect to be questioned by the authorities. You may even search your mind over and over for a memory or a clue that actually you are responsible and you did take the purse.  Trying to confront your abuser with the truth of what they said resulting in denial.  Those few occasions when you tried to express your pain, you were told it didn’t happen or was never said to you. So now, every time someone says something hurtful to you, you don’t respond. You can’t trust what you heard. You look for other meanings or decide you must have misunderstood.  You were told you are difficult and oversensitive.  You cannot now trust your emotional responses. You are afraid to react and express yourself in case others see just how ridiculous you really are. You bottle up your emotions to the point you cannot even cry sometimes and you feel empty.  Growing up you were often told you were unlikable and unlovable.  You find yourself as an adult not pursuing friendships or relationships. If they don’t call you, it’s a rejection. If they cancel plans, it’s a rejection. You come to believe that you are intrinsically not wanted by anyone unless they put in enough effort to get to know you and make it inside your defences. Everything is always your fault. Your friend stopped talking to you and you are asked “What did you do wrong?”. Now, the ending of a relationship is a dark journey into despair trying to find the flaw in yourself that ended it. You may call that person promising to change, if they could just please tell you what you did that was so wrong. No matter if they treated you badly, they wouldn’t do that if you could just be better.  You feel crazy. You can’t trust what you hear, what you see, what you think or how you respond. Nothing is solid and tangible. It’s always the worst case scenario. You are afraid of yourself and everyone around you. You are terrified people will see the “real you” and you will never see them again. You can’t push your career or your education because you can’t believe in yourself.  Gaslighting is insidious and invasive and changes everything about the way we relate to ourselves. The only way to fight it is to be mindful. Take the time to think before you respond. Challenge yourself daily. Teach your inner voice to be kind to you. Learn to trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and the wonderful,  imperfectly perfect human being that you are.  <3

This is why I no longer subscribe to the strong black woman mantra...Stop carrying the world on your back

Dear oldest kids - if you are lonely af at home, constantly compared and constantly ridiculed - here's to you.

You're not alone - there's others out there who know what it's like to be constantly sidelined.