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I think this is probably what Aiden is most afriad of. He saw how badly Ben was hurt, not just physically, but he watched him spiral, loose his voice in every sense of the word, turn into a volient unsoothable person, Aiden became the person Ben is codependent on. He watched as Ben lost the thing he loved most. Of course this would be his worst nightmare, he knows how horrible it was for Ben and Im sure that in some way, he probably blames himself. For not being able to do more, for not helping Ben find his voice, for not protecting him in the first place. Ugh, I could go on about this forever, I really hope Red gives us more of the cousins. I want more of their relationship 🥲

Something abt the history book on the shelf repeating itself ?

I have been dwelling on the ravens, I need to preface this tangent with, I am not at all disregarding, belittling or excusing any of what these people have done, but I neeed to deep dive my thoughts because i cant be the only one who thought about this

Spoliers for like literally everything 😅

All of the ravens were failed, not just Kevin and Jean or even Neil. Even Riko and Greyson were failed. They were children. They were abused and manipulated and treated like they werent even people. They were forced into solitude, conditioned into violence and I can understand why most of them turned into monsters. If you really take a step back to think about it, its survival of the fittest, but being the fittest means being the cruelest, because if you were the absolute worst, no one would hurt you. 'If I become the monster, maybe I will be safe from what they do to each other'. How many times do you think the thought crossed their minds of "I cant be weak or I will end up like Jean, a punching bag, a play thing" or "If I mess up, if I dont give it my everything, they will break me like they did Kevin, but they will be more thorough this time, theyd end me" these are children, how else would they respond to these horrible conditions, how can you expect an abused dog to not attack. They are straved and beaten and beraided all for the sake of a 'game'. Greyson was a normal kid before he became a raven, and I dont think those straws would have ever broken of he hadnt become one because they probably never would have exisited. Yes, he is a horrible person now, but he didnt ask for this and in another life, he could have been someone. An older brother with a family and a goal for life, but he was no longer a brother and he had no family, only 'teammates'. I am so hoping that in one of the next books that the world sees what they did to these kids. I need doors busted down and people arrested, if Neil's uncle gets ahold of the Moriyamas, I dont want him to kill him or arrest him because he has always been weary of that, no I need him to tear down everything he has built, to show the people who he is and what his true colors are. I need the world to see that Riko was murdered because his uses ended. I need them to see that these kids are dropping like flies because they cant be people anymore, they dont know how. I want eyewitnesses and video footage making it out and it being undeniable that these kids were failed. They were supposed to be protected, loved and taught. College is supposed to be the gateway to adulthood and they were stripped of their freedom and made into machines. This breaks my heart. I know its so easy to hate these characters and to be angry, which is completely vaild and how we are supposed to view them because they are bad people, but at the end of the day they are children, they never got wymacks second chance or a found family. They didnt have a Renee to pull them out or an Andrew for protection, maybe if they had, things might have been different.

Some of my fav out of context quotes for my current WIP :

"I'm convinced your last brain cell is a ping pong ball and I'm pretty sure it had a hole in it."

"You hate me." [He says lovingly]

She smiles. (This one is significant for trans reasons 🥲)

"Your father could never hate you, mine could never love me"

"I don't think its often that 'foul' and 'beautiful' are used to discribe the same thing." (This pleases her)

"Mr. Jones has had to put up with you two brain-dead gentlemen for fifteen years..."

"Never anger. Jealousy, but never anger."

"I never meant to love you" (this one was devastating to write)

"...that coffin is where he belongs and I'm grateful that he is gone." (Get his ass!)

"You shouldn't, 'good' is a word I would never use to describe myself."

"Have you ever dug a grave?" (Hehehehe [menacing])

I am in suffering. My phone is completely broken and you cant fast pass on PC, SBG my heart yearns for you :(

totally spoiled some of the most recent chapter but that's okay, I just pray they make it out of their situation and I get a happy moment when I can finally read it again

I am not over this. Aiden and Taylor were so ready to kill a man. Like yeah Ben ran at him too, but he wasnt so controlled by anger to not think. That is the face of a person ready to murder a human being no second thoughts. I love it and hate it. Like yes protect your girl but also the trauma you have to go through to get to this point 😭

Fast pass spoiler aidelyn

God he was SO mad

like: RGRRHR GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM HER 👹👹👹

HE'S LIKE AN ANGRY CAT WITH RABIES

AND I WILL DRAW THIS 👹👹👹👹

I imagine this is what goes on in his head the whole time he has an empty stare 😭

i hate you

you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs because obviously someone could never look at me like you do. nobody could SEE ME the way you do. nobody else would dare to step into a viper pit on the off chance that it might protect me because nobody else has ever considered that i’m a real person. and that means you cannot be real. because there isn’t a single person who would try to protect me. i’m the only person who can save myself and i haven’t wanted to save myself in a very long time. i cannot be saved. but then i saw you standing there with auburn hair and blue eyes… jesus christ you cannot be real. because you are a terrified runaway and now you’re telling me that instead of running away like i told you to, instead of letting me take the fall like i expected to, you somehow ran directly into danger for ME? unreal unreal unreal you are a hallucination and a pipe dream because you’re saying things nobody has ever said to me and there is a catch in your voice that i’ve never heard before and it’s all because you were worried about me and it makes me sick because nobody should ever make you feel that way, least of all me. i see every piece of myself and my pain directed back at me, reflected in the ocean of your eyes and it makes me want to burn down the world, it makes me want to destroy myself, and yet you keep telling me that i deserve to live. you see me and you won’t let me tear myself apart but you don’t see that in offering yourself up to be slaughtered you are ripping me to shreds. you cannot be real. you cannot exist. and yet here you are, standing in front of me, bruised and bandaged and more alive than you’ve ever been. and i’m so terrified to want any piece of that because it’s impossible. you’re impossible. you don’t listen. you won’t back down when i tell you i’m not worth it. you’re a dream. you’re all the hopes i threw away when i was a child. you’re not my savior. i wish you would save me. i wish you could. i’m terrified that if i look at you too long, you will.

i hate you.

I have so many random ideas of Andreil being found out by the media in the strangest ways. My personal fav so far is them going pro and being on different teams. They end up playing against each other and everyone starts to think their rivals because Andrew keeps launching the ball at Neils helmet. After like 7 headshots from across the court Neil swears at him in german something along the lines of "I know you're doing that on purpose quit being a bitch for the sake of your entertainment or I swear I will empty your candy drawer" and of course Andrew's just there with his blank expression leaning on his racket, knowing Neil will forget all about it when they're home. However, all the fans see is Andrew targeting Neil over and over no matter where he is on the court so everyone thinks they hate each other until some weeks later an article is released with pictures of them grocery shopping together. Andrew is in the cart eating candy he hasn't even bought yet while Neil scans the aisle with a hand in Andrews hair. Another picture of them loading everything into the car, Andrew with a hand on Neils waist as he opens the backdoor. The article is titled something like "rivals or lovers : a deep dive into their history" and it brings up points like Andrew protecting Neil from Riko and Neil getting Andrew to shut down the goal with just a few words (ones no one knows), but also points of them shoving each other and getting in each others faces (tbh they were just flirting but from an outside prospective it was violence because they are never normal) all of the fan theories come to a head when Neil gets interviewed.

"What is your thoughts on the rumors about you and Minyard?"

"Rumors?"

"Yes, the ones about you two being teammates turned rivals turned lovers. Many fans are speculating what your relationship is and several articles have become very popular over it."

"We were never rivals??" Neil is absolutely lost at this idea, complete confusion.

"Really? Never once over the years?"

"No? And what articles? I don't understand how this has anything to do with Exy."

"Its about your career in the sense that Andrew Minyard has been a challenge for you." Neil smiles at the idea of Andrew being a challenge. "There was a really big article that shared some photos of you two together at a grocery store. It's rather unusal to see you two in a domestic setting, can you tell us about that? Many are wondering why you shop together." The first photo is pulled up on the big screen and Neil just stares for a moment, unsure of when it was taken.

"1. Its creepy that that was taken without us knowing. 2. I don't know what you want me to tell you, Andrew's not allowed out of the cart because he's a mence to shop with or maybe he refuses to let me go alone because I constantly forget things. Its just normal every day life, same as everyone else. 3. Because we live together?? I still don't see the relevance any this has to Exy. Many spouses go against each others teams, it's a part of being pro's."

"Spouses? So you are confirming you and Minyard are married?"

"Not on paper. Fundamentally yes. I thought this interview was supposed to be about how our season is going?" Neil sits back, baffled but also slightly smug from the look of shock on the interviewers face.

Meanwhile Andrew is at home with the cats eating a tub of ice cream while watching the interview thinking to himself 'yeah, fucking tell her. Noisy ass drama seeker.'

Andrew doesnt like whne people touch his things, he doesnt share and Neil is his. When a small fangroup of girls rushes up to Neil before the game, he ignores them, prentending he doesn't care. He stands far off blocking out the random squeals and complements until one of the girls asks for a picture. Neil gives a shrug and a fake smile to get it over with, the girl getting up on her toes to kiss his cheek and take the picture. Andrew takes two steps forward before they are called for lineup. His eyes don't leave the girl until Neil is as his side again. The game goes by in a blur, score after score, shut down after shut down, Andrew keeps most of his frustration in check, only getting worked up when the ball makes it to his goal. They win 17 to 8 and when the bell tolls Andrew steps out of his goal. The foxes celebrate in the middle and he joins them, almost, barely two feet off of the huddle, he motions for Neil. Neil obeys and walks over, taking off his gloves on his way. Andrew has already removed his gloves and helmet, abandoning them at the goal. When Neil makes it to him, his helmet is unbuckled but in place, so Andrew laces his fingers with the guard, tugging it.

"Off." Neil obeys, pulling it over his head and letting Andrew drop it to the floor. "Yes or no?" Neil looks at him suprized, he doesnt ever want public affection, and with this many people around? Neil pans over the crowd, scanning the faces of cheering bystanders. Andrew grabs his face and pulls him back. "Yes or no?" He repeats, locking their eyes together.

"Its always yes. You know that." Neil cant help but smile as Andrew rolls his eyes then yanks him to him. Neil instinctively puts his hands in his hair, pulling him closer. Their kiss is aggressive and sudden and over before Neil is satisfied, but he drops his hands and lets Andrew push him away. Neil only stares when its over, wanting more and not caring for the thousands who just saw. Andrew turns his head to where the fangirls sit, then grabs Neil by the collar, pulling him off the court, Neil only smiles wider as the foxes lose their minds about what just happened, exchanging their bet payouts.

The thing about writing is we’re taught to write in a very specific way as children that is deemed as the “correct” way. And it’s so important to have those fundamentals — to know how sentences are constructed and what is proper paragraph structure and to become familiar with grammar. Those are essential building blocks.

But because schools have to focus on essay writing and technicalities and whatever is needed for the latest standardized test, it’s often the only way we learn how to write when there’s so many ways to write. There’s technical writing, journalistic writing but also editorial writing, copywriting, letter writing, free writing … to infinity and beyond.

We often don’t explore creative writing in an academic setting until later in life when we seek it out (or never at all in most cases). And while there’s guides for these looser types of writing, as well, it’s important to know you can just say FUCK ALL and bastardize the rules that were beat into your brain by red pens all your life.

Make up words. A paragraph can be one sentence, one word, or a whole damn monologue. Run-on sentences can be a style choice. Make a chapter one line. Use capitalization however you see fit. Start sentences with conjunctions. Be abstract in imagery. Forget commas exist and keep using ‘and’ instead (<- my favorite). Fragments can be fire. Create your own voice in the remnants of a burned language.

Learning the rules also means knowing how and when to break them. So break them to tell your story the way you want.

Some sketches of my OC's for one of my stories, Im proud of them and wanted to show them off 😅

Sofia and Colin, my babies. I am so so proud of how colin came out in the colored version, I was testing new brushes and messing around then he turned out amazing. The one of them together is supposed to be them on a merry-go-round in the snow at like 14 but I need to work on it more lol.