Idk If It’s The Mental Illness But Sharing Literally Any Information Feels Like Oversharing. I’ll

here’s a little comparison for people who say engagement hasn’t gotten that bad and anyone who complains is ungrateful.

these are two posts from my first go round on tumblr circa 2014-2017, my most popular gifset of all time

& a text post

notice how the ratio is about even on likes to reblogs?

here’s from this go around, my most popular gifset

and my most popular fic

do you see how that’s discouraging?

i love being on this site. i love the little community i’ve found and the people who follow me and the mutuals i’ve made friendships with and the mutuals that i’m still getting to know. i love it. but at a certain point it’s hard to justify spending so much time on works that get bad engagement.

reblog, comment, send asks. without them, this site doesn’t work.

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

Neurodivergent culture is growing up believing you were lazy and never tried your best because your best wasn't good enough for the people around you.

Ever since I was a child people have asked me 'what's wrong?', 'why do you look so sad?', 'why are you moody?' even when I have been enjoying myself

My facial expressions do not necessarily match-up to my emotions or neurotypical expectations

I might look sad or down but I show and feel my excitement in different ways than you might expect

Just because I'm not smiling from ear to ear doesn't mean that I am being moody or not enjoying myself

I need people to understand that sometimes autism is just this

No no you don't understand! I want to watch this show/movie, read this book, listen to this podcast, etc.! But I must be in the right mindset and the exact head space to begin, or I just can't!

NO THIS IS SO SO SO SO SO RELATABLE

Now is this a crush I have or is it cause I'm touch starved and being hugged made me feel loved and safe

Autistic pigeon, doesn't read the social coos

oh so when vampires have heightened sensory awareness it’s cool, but when I have it it’s ‘autism’