I Always Feel Kind Of Uneasy When People Who Are Apologizing Say, "I Don't Even Know Who The Person Who

I always feel kind of uneasy when people who are apologizing say, "I don't even know who the person who did that was. They feel like a totally different person from who I really am."

Sweetie, I'm sorry, but you have to get to know that person. If this person you apparently detest on every level just occasionally hijacks your body and does something awful, your understanding of how and when and why that happens is essential to your ability to promise anyone else that they won't be on the receiving end of that.

It might sound a little backward, that the key to avoiding destructive behaviour is not forcibly repressing that detestable energy inside yourself. You can deny those feelings and force them into exile, but they're going to come back and take over sometime in the future when your defences are down.

If self-loathing actually got shit done, I'd still be in favour of it. Unfortunately, it's only good at satisfying emotions in the short run, so you can really feel like you're putting in serious effort. It's not a winning strategy if you want to genuinely change your behaviour or thought patterns or emotional responses.

Self-reflection is not supposed to be a lesson in flagellating yourself. It is more brutal and gentler, because it rakes over the twisted shards of what happened in your mind with the dispassion of an engineer assessing a bridge collapse and says, "What really happened here? How can we prevent it from happening again in the future?"

It's possible to get to know your shadow, but not be consumed by it. You could eventually feel able to turn over the rocks in your brain, and catalogue and understand all the things squirming beneath. The shame won't kill you.

And being able to understand your triggers and tells, spotting your brain taking off before it's completely left atmosphere, is an incredibly important part of that.

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More Posts from Solfan20xx and Others

6 months ago
Mob Psycho 100?? More Like Mob 'why Are All These Characters Just Different Flavors Of Autistic Holy

Mob Psycho 100?? More like Mob 'why are all these characters just different flavors of autistic holy shit'..... 100!!!!!

Click on image for better resolution. Also an ID below, in case the text is too small to read:

[ID: art of Mob, Tsubomi, Tome, Ritsu and Serizawa from Mob Psycho 100, with a list of autistic symptoms below them. The background is beige and behind each character is a square mismatch of colors unique to them as a background.

Mob:

He is wearing his school uniform and smiling lightly. The background colors are saturated blues, cyans, pinks and reds, which are swirling in a liquid like fashion. Below, text reads:

Polite little autistic boy

flat affect

alexithymia

perpetually confused

attempts to mask, just ends up appearing a different type of ‘weird’ as a result

low empathy, high compassion

really strict moral integrity

didn’t have a special interest for the longest time due to repressing himself

disassociating king :(

comorbid inattentive type ADHD

Tsubomi:

She is wearing her school uniform, staring ahead with a bored, uninterested expression. The colors behind her are dark and sharp browns, violets and reds. Below, text reads:

Girlboss

masking queen

low empathy

can’t read social cues but has mastered the art of scripting and being polite and pretty to escape ostracization

hard time connecting to people

often acts unintentionally rude/blunt

stubborn

actually cares a whole lot about people she really considers friends

Tome:

She is also wearing the uniform, leaning her chin on her hand and flapping the other hand excitedly as she rambles about something. The colors behind her are a bright yellow, green and orange, formed as circles and some sharp edges. Below, text reads:

Weird Girl

stimming galore

loud™

special interest in the occult/aliens

finds herself only connecting to people through that interest

emotional dysregulation

comorbid hyperactive ADHD

barely passing grades

probably spends hours on random wikipedia articles

Ritsu:

He is wearing a yellow hoodie, looking to the side and finger raised in confusion. The colors behind him are green, orange and magenta, and they are swirling in a kind of square vortex around him. Below, text reads:

just a little hater

sounds /neg

has a selective wardrobe of comfy clothes cause textures,,,

has no idea what friends are

special interest in psychic powers

spoons are a comfort item

denied he was autistic for a long time because “wdym, i’m completely normal. Look how well adjusted I am.”

comorbid OCD

Serizawa:

He's wearing his usual suit and smiling, eyes closed with the grin, his hands clasped together at his chest. The colors behind him are cyans, blues, greens and magentas, some lines, some circles. Below, text reads:

gamer .....

self isolation as an (unhealthy) coping mechanism

uses comfort items

emotions also be dysregulating but like,, he’s learning to deal with it

high empathy

missed out on a lot of milestones, but it’s okay, he’s catching up :)

special interest in video games

finds comfort in dark, tight spaces

comorbid social anxiety

End ID.]


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1 month ago

Extending even more my point, after he started working for Reigen, ONE made sure to write Serizawa in good moments. He made a friend, went to a New Years' Party, became the backbone of S&S and is depicted smiling many times. Even on the future omake, where Mob and Reigen are trying to deal with Mob's boss so he doesn't get fired, Serizawa is just... fishing. And he got his first catch and he's so happy about it. Compare this to Reigen being miserable for purposes of comedy every now and then.

I understand when people say to the ones who coddle adult male characters that they're "a grown ass man with dick and balls", but I don't think this applies that well to Serizawa Katsuya because ONE made this ex-terrorist a little too cute in my opinion.


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2 months ago

Wait what's a buildings fire evacuation plan if you aren't supposed to use the elevator to get down


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1 month ago

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.


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2 weeks ago

Putting bioessentialist up on the high shelf until tumblr users understand that it's not just a word for when someone says genders are different


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4 months ago
I Made This Poorly Made Collage As A Example Of What I'm Saying. He Is Too Polite And Embarressed, How

I made this poorly made collage as a example of what I'm saying. He is too polite and embarressed, how could people not think he's really cute despite working for Claw for 3 years?

I understand when people say to the ones who coddle adult male characters that they're "a grown ass man with dick and balls", but I don't think this applies that well to Serizawa Katsuya because ONE made this ex-terrorist a little too cute in my opinion.


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3 months ago
Moodboard For When You H
Moodboard For When You H
Moodboard For When You H
Moodboard For When You H
Moodboard For When You H

moodboard for when you h


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2 months ago

I decided to delete that shitposting of Sol because I didn't asked the artist if I could use their image, so this is probably a good decision. Plus, it had 0 interaction on the post, which actually made me a little frustated because I was sure it was a banger.


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1 month ago

just came up with a great idea for a novel and then imagined a bunch of amazing concept art for it. so yeah i'd say today has been very productive


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solfan20xx - Gabriel Ayanami
Gabriel Ayanami

Autistic/ADHD adult | The biggest fan of Sol in the 21th Century

83 posts

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