Für Pfirsiche

The Cartel's Worst Investment

Boss Staci: "Any updates on the Juarez case?" Cop Jacob: "Hold on a sec, I just gotta… Oh, damn, this is good. Sorry, you were saying?"

Boss Staci: "Keep fucking around, and you'll find out." Cop Jacob: "Find out what?"

Boss Staci: "Window or aisle?" Cop Jacob: "Window or you'll what?"

Boss Staci: "That's on me. I set the bar way too low."

Quarterly Evaluation Time, Seed

No need to be scared, you are doing great so far.

Jacob: "Cull the flowers ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚."

Staci: "okay grandpa let's get you to Eden"

That's Mathematics, Son

Jacob gaslighting Staci when "sharing" the last can of food in the bunker.

One time Jacob near-starved to death because he wouldn't tell his Pa that he was hungry (since he's the silent type, of course).

Pour Me Another Drink

Don't Smoke, Kids

On the left, you see a healthy individual who doesn't smoke. On the right, we have a person who smokes 5 packs a day.

Remember, kids, smoking leads to hair loss!!!!

P.S. LOOK. AT. HIM.

Staci is like n̸̯̲͍̮͉̙̰͙͕͙̪͉͎̤̑͒͆̏͒̅̔͋̚͠͠͠͠͠ó̴̢̟̥̖͓̱̻̥̦͙̿͌ ̵̛̞̫̰͇̠͕̲͓̻͓̳̩͂̂̂͗͑͌͒̈́̚o̴͎̭̪̘͉̫͈͋͋̈̌̎͗͒̑̏̃͂͒n̸̤̞̮͚͇̊̽́́͘e̸̢̲̼̥̯͔̤͚̪̞͒͂͒̿̚͝ ̷̧̢̙͈̬̱̤̟͎͖̦̹̲̘͛͌͆͂̓͌͛̎i̴̪̾̉̂̇͌̽̈́͗͘͜͝͝ś̵̡̢̢̢͔͓͕͍̘̳̫̻͜ͅ ̸̦͉̯̜̽̇ͅg̸̠̖̜̜̮̳̦̲̮̦̩̲͎̰̩̅́͒ơ̶̜̺͔̳̥̗̗̽̿͑͆̄̅͘̕ͅn̷̜͉͔̲̭̜̦̳̖̳̺̹̔͗̄͛̌͑̌͝͠ͅǹ̷̥̘̗̹̮̰̬̱͙̹̫̲̓̽̍̄̒̋͆́̕a̷̼͚̹͈̟͓̭̫͕̘̮̱͚͗̈̾͊͛ͅ ̷̳̭͛́̀͆͂̅̃͗́͛͠t̶̡̧̮̰̫̹̟̫͔̫̐͊̊͊̂̈̚ͅa̵̢̧̖̻̺̟̪̪͚͓̣̞̪͌̋̎̏͒̈́̕ͅķ̷̢̛̛͙̲͉̞̠̳͙̳̿͂̓̈́͗̈̕͠ȇ̶̡͎͉̙̹͔̩̟́̀͗̄͊̊̋̃͐̕͠ ̷̹̠͍̞̯̦͎̫͇̫̙̈́́̊̏̉̾̈̅̍̄͝J̵̭͓̼̬̾͂͐̑͊͝͠ą̶͚̩͚̤̙͕͇̍̈͑̾͑͒̋̏͝c̵̟̟̺̞͎͓̖̰̥͈͗ͅơ̶̬͍͔̏̍͗͐͑͑̀̓̑͗͝͠͠b̵̭̀́̓͒̌̆̍̂̇̂͝ ̴͈̩̙̈̊́̈̐̉̿͐̕͠f̴̡̫̣͎͙͐̓̄͆͌̉͋ŗ̴̖̞̭̣̦̺̝̮̖͔̬̝̓̉̑͜ͅŏ̴̝͇̦̗͚ḿ̵̡̮̩͎̂ ̶̘̞̹̞͖́̌́̐̋m̶̛̰̰͇͈̂͋̊̊͊̓͆̌̐̊̌̿ḛ̶̛͎̹̺̖̝̺͍̌̈͋̀͋̈́̚͝ ̷̱̟͓̾̀̈́̓͗̂̀͂̈́͛̕͝͠ḁ̷̧̘̫̱̗͖̯̭̘͓̆̂̿̓̈́̑̾͗͒̈́͜͜ģ̵͚͖̺̝̣̣̼̲̜̀̽͆͒̌͗̋̈́̕͝a̶̜̘̳̟̯͛͛͋̒͠͝͠i̶̝̪͓̠̟̦̔̽̔̆̓̎̃̐̓͒́͘͝ņ̵̢̼̟̘͓̝̮̖̋̾̈́̿̅́̓͂͗

Jacob had learned this one in Iraq and told it to Staci before, you know, going and dying on a hill.

DO YOU THINK STACI HAS BURIED JACOB?

About to drop a sick album

Stay tuned for more Jacop and Bosstaci content.

Bonus Album cover:

Side Quest From Cartel

Boss Staci: "Alright, Seed, ready to take the order?" Cop Jacob: "Sure. What am I getting?"

Boss Staci: "Eighteen pounds of cocaine." Cop Jacob: "Solid start."

Boss Staci: "Twelve pounds of crack." Cop Jacob: "Love the consistency. Next?"

Boss Staci: "Two large-" Cop Jacob: "Hold on, is this another drug-" Boss Staci: "Two LARGE tubs of vanilla ice cream." Cop Jacob: "…Do I even want to know why?"

Boss Staci: "Seven male strippers in cop uniforms." Cop Jacob: "Let me get this straight-"

Boss Staci: "No, not straight. They should be gay." Cop Jacob: "Are you shitting me?"

Boss Staci: "Also, make sure none of them are white. I can't see the coke on them if they are." Cop Jacob: "For fuck's sake… You done?"