🎶Where My Heart Is Where My Love Eternal Is Waiting’ Somewhere Beyond The Stars Beyond Antares.

Three months ago I pitched an idea for a party game. Today, ‘WHAT THE PLOT?!™’ is a real game and available for pre-order! I am so excited. Thank you everyone for your support!

Weird Humans: Supression of basic needs in face of greater goals.

Humans have a history of denying themselves basic needs in face of a greater goals. Some humans become so consumed by their set task that needs such as sleep, food, hydration, and safety are put aside. At The Gathering, one of the largest gaming conventions in Europe, a part of the volunteer crew is tasked with making rounds to check that people are following up on their basic needs for sustenance, sleep, and movement. Certain athlethes will abstain from physical contact, paeticularly sexual contact, to improve their focus before an event. Artists, office workers, soldiers, nurses - allmost every group of humans can bring forth a story, either from personal experience, or heresay, to underline the human ability to repress basic needs for a period to accomplish something.

And then you have the optimized aliens who have seen the light and have structured everything so that they have every need met at mostly any given time. Now, take this alien and put them in a group project with other humans. Who are of a mind to finish everything quickly and then slack for the rest of the allocated time. Because humans are experts at using external stimulants, such as caffeine and nicotine, to supress being tired or hunger. Because college is no joke and humans are good at riding the bullshit wave.

Imagine some haggard student introducing his alien friend to the great Student God: Bullshitticus, and his two lovely muses Thesaurata and Caffeinata. Alien never studied human religious practices and gets awed about the fact that there is a human deity dedicated to writing papers, and his muses are the personifications of a vocabulary and an external stimulant used to forcefully keep people awake. Of course human student is full of caffeine and running on spite and pizza, so they forget to mention that this god is an old tumblr meme (and aliens have actually made courses that study memes) so this Alien edits the Horrendous Human Handbook ™. The knowledge spreads and aliens are baffled. The humans familiar with this old meme will quietly laugh and pretend nothing is wrong, because humans are also masters of waiting to see if shit hits the fan in a hillarious manner.

For decades you’ve worked as a superhero protecting the city and its people. Your powers have been slowly killing you for years but you kept being a hero much to your doctor’s protest. The citizens are starting to take notice.

random teenager, posting an unhinged shitpost ab sandman/good omens/etc at 3 am

neil gaiman, reposting at 4 am

The supervillain sighs in frustration as he looks at the group of superheroes. “Alright raise your hands if you are adults?” he said. None of them did it. “This battle is canceled and tell your mayor we need to talk! today!” he said angrily.

Bucky: *joining the Avengers for the first time* so, who’s in charge?

Tony: usually whoever shouts the loudest

I like the idea that humans are space orcs because of being walking trashbins which are a flaming wreckage of bodge jobs all the way down. Ships are floating clouds of debris under constant repair or... improvement. Space suits are held together with duct tape. We are literally covered in swarms of bacteria which are 50/50 on purpose or debilitating illness, not to mention filled up in side with the same.

Humans get sick or hurt and most aliens are just like "not sure if this is an infection, or if you'll die without it." The last time anyone tried to repair a human operated ship, the resulting explosion blasted a nearby moon through a wormhole into orbit around a different planet.

Even human genetics is a total trashpile, junk genes, weird extra DNA that no one knows what it does, former viruses, you name it, somewhere down the line humans just vacuumed up everything into the go-juice and stacked it up like a genetic hoarder. The study of human biology is half occult science half transmutation until one guy starts breaking it down and discovers chunks of hundreds of other alien genetics and basically it turns out Earth was a kind of "makeout point" back in the days of primordial ooze and was filled so full of outer space ejaculate that under a modern day equivalent of black light it still glows brighter than the sun.

Space Australia

This trend has probably died out, but screw it I’m gonna make this. It’s been well established that Humans could probably have a lot of weird adaptations that Aliens just... don’t have. The aliens get weirded out by humans a lot, especially when it comes to sneezing.

Human: *sneezes*

Alien: WHAT IN THE NAME OF LORELIAK WAS THAT?

Human: oh, just my allergies

Alien: What are... Alla-gees?

Human: oh, they’re just *VIOLENT SNEEZE* when your body thinks that something—like this dust— is a virus and tries to get rid of it. Humans sneeze all the time.

Alien: dust can make humans sick!

Human: ah, AH, *makes a stupid face*

Alien: AGHAJSKDLDKS

Human: nope. Not gonna sneeze.

——

Alien: Then, we’ll—

Human A:*tiny, delicate, high-pitched “ah-choo”

Other humans: *giggle at the sound*

Human A: *tiny sneeze*

Alien: um... A? Why are you making that sound?

Human B: omg their sneeze is so cute.

Alien: bodily protection against illness is... cute???

—

Human A sitting at a table with her dad: Alien, meet my dad

Alien: nice to meet you, conceiver of human A

Human A’s Dad: *sneezes so hard he hits his head on the table*

Alien: ... What?