Random Teenager, Posting An Unhinged Shitpost Ab Sandman/good Omens/etc At 3 Am

Humans are weird “Tears for Everything”

Hey all. Didn’t think I would get this sort of response, but since I have. I have decided to do at least one of these “Humans are Weird or Humans are Space Orcs” every day. If you have any ideas you’d like to see me write, I’d be thankful for suggestions. 

Alien: *walks in to mess hall sees human sitting at a table crying*

Alien “Human, what is wrong. Why is your face leaking.”

*human looks up wiping eyes* 

Human: *Sorry, I’m just really upset. This is what happens when humans are upset, we cry….. There was a bombing back home, none of my family is answering.”

Alien: *walks back in later, human still crying*

Alien: “Oh no, human, are you ok? What is wrong?”

*human looks up wipes eyes again*

Human: “Oh sorry.” grins “my family just called back and they’re ok.”

Alien: *in confusion* “Why are you upset about that?”

Human: “Oh no, you misunderstand. Humans also cry when we’re happy or relieved 

Alien *rolls eyes but doesn’t question. Humans are weird after all 

Alien *returns later to see the humans in s big circle, all of them are crying so hard they are almost bent double. They have to be upset.*

Alien: “What’s wrong now?”

human: *regains breath and wipes tears from eyes, “Nothing, nothing, Jim just told a really funny joke. Laughed so hard I cried.”

Alien: *annoyed now. Walks away shaking his head*

Alien: *walks in to lab and is nearly hit by a metal trey flying towards the wall*

human: *screams in anger tears rolling down their face*

Alien: *tentatively peeks out from behind shelf* “are you alright, human?

Human: “NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT. I’M PISSED OFF!” *turns away wiping eyes*

Alien: *hurried from the room to scared to be annoyed*

human: *sneezes*

Alien: *turns around to find human’s face leaking again, exasperated* “What NOW? Why can you possibly be upset, happy, or angry NOW?”

Human: *looking confused* “I’m not any of those, my allergies are just really bad right now.”

Alien: *Sputtering in exasperation*

*out on a mission, the planet is freezing cold*

Alien: *looks at human*

Human *dribbling from the eyes and nose. this Cannot be laughter or allergies, they have to be upset*

Alien: “What’s wrong human?”

Human: *wipes nose* “Nothing, just cold.”

Alien: “You’re ****ing kidding me.”

*Human yawns. wipes eyes*

Alien “What now! What now. How can you possibly be doing this now. Are you hungry, horny or frustrated WHAT! WHAT IS THIS RIDDLE!”

*human: holds up hands wiping eyes* “nothing just tired is all”

Alien *screams in frustration*

Alien: *glares at human as human wipes their eyes*

Human: *Sees the look* “Sorry, eyes are burning. don’t know why”

Alien: *stands up* “Don’t know why. Don’t know why. Of course you don’t know why” *storms out. Opens human behavior log. scribbles our years of dedicated note taking. Writes In big bold letters*

WE KNOW NOTHING

get out there and take on the world!!!!!!!!!!

the world is weak, you can take em. aim for the head

“I will avenge my brother’s death!” yelled the adventurer. “You have my bow” his archer companion said. “And my axe” said the warrior. “And your brother” said the Necromancer.

Saturn and Neptune by Voyager II

Roomie and I are two single female presenting folques sharing a unit on the shit end of town and when she moved in her dad met some of our dudeman neighbors and went "good to see there are some Man here to keep an eye out for them" and they replied along the line of "Yes Indeed We Shall Protect Thine Maidens" as if I am not a security guard and she does not do martial arts nightly and we together do not spar on the regular and there is not a baseball bat by every doorway and so now we share joint custody of a banana tree named Bert who we refer to as The Man Of The House

To the woman that inspired countless girls and people of color, we will never forget you.

You will always be in our hearts.

Thank you for going where no woman had gone before.

Nichelle Nichols 1932- 2022

Everyone can do magic. Everyone except you, that is. Your aunt and uncle have always made fun of you for not being able to do magic, until one day you received a letter inviting you to a school of “science”, and you discovered a secret society of people who make great things without magic.