Ranking The Best Things I Have Heard Surgeons Say Mid-surgery:

ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*

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HOW am i supposed to hate Simon Fairchild when he’s this fucking funny 😭😭😭

“Yes! 😃”

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this is the saddest fucking thing. wheres that post about when you cant even write a poem about it because its just there already

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A digital illustration of 14 stamps, each representing one of Smirke's 14 Fears from The Magnus Archives. They're all square, black, with rough textures and patchy spots to make them resemble actual hand-made ink stamps.

First is The Hunt. A wide eyed hare stares out at the viewer from behind a dark frame, a single arrow cutting through its throat. Three drops of blood spread out from the exit wound.

Second is The Web. The shape of a spider web is cut out in the negative space of the dark ink.

Third is The Spiral. A simple swirl, like an optical illusion you'd find on a children's toy, outlined in black and white behind a black frame.

Fourth is The Dark. There is nothing to see.

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Sixth is The Vast. A grid slopes down the square, widening and darkening towards the bottom. It's not quite clear if the view is from the ground looking up at it, or from the top looking down. Either way, the opposite end fades out of view.

Seventh is The Buried. Crumbling dirt spills down the square in dark pieces, ever so slowly filling the shape.

Eighth is The Corruption. A simple dark background with a cockroach made of the negative space. There's a thin frame, but it's off-kilter, a little diagonal to the rest of the shape.

Ninth is The Stranger. The Comedian and Tragedian theatre masks are set on a dark background, the edges of the masks peeking over the limits of the square.

Tenth is The Lonely. A solitary rowboat sits on a dark ocean, empty. Fog drifts across the water.

Eleventh is The Slaughter. A simple bright, clear blood splatter starting at the corner of a solid dark square.

Twelfth is The End. A single gravestone sits in the center at the end of a hallway. It radiates darkness and contrasts the light background, pulling the eye to it at all times.

Thirteenth is The Desolation. The bottom of the stamp has the appearance of a burned photograph, charred and jagged. What's left has the pattern of melting candle wax.

Fourteenth is The Eye. A simple representation of a human eye in a square frame, with cartoonish eyelashes and a small pupil in the center.

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Oop i forgot to post this here BAHAHAAHAHHA yes this is a product of my simon fairchild brainrot im sorry

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i love that simon fairchild and mike crew have the exact same sense of humor, but simon's obviously way further into it than mike. mike will give you some tea and have a civil conversation with you, you really have to push him to get him to toss you into the vast. with simon, your fate is entirely dependant on how much fun he has talking to you. and they both think your fear is hilarious.

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Was anyone gonna tell me that Simon Fairchild from the Magnus Archives and Dracula from re:dracula are voiced by the same person

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