HOW Am I Supposed To Hate Simon Fairchild When He’s This Fucking Funny 😭😭😭

The thing about Simon Fairchild in The Magnus Archives - the thing that's fascinating to me - is that he didn't have to do anything wicked to become an Avatar. He did wicked things later, once he'd become an Avatar, but to achieve Avatarship in the first place, all he had to do was make beautiful art of the Vast and fall in love with it.

And it seems as though the Vast fell in love back such that when he fell, the Vast couldn't bear to see him perish, and so he flew.

Simon goes on and on about how insignificant he is, but the literal god of the insignificance of humanity is invested in him, personally.

The other fascinating thing about Simon is that despite almost certainly having been raised Catholic and experiencing his miracle in a literal Catholic Church, he does not attribute his salvation to the Christian God. I wonder what drove that realization?

A little comic for Mermay

ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*

legitimately my first feminist awakening as a ten year old child was realizing that girls were expected to respect “boy stuff” but boys were never expected to respect “girl stuff”

Was anyone gonna tell me that Simon Fairchild from the Magnus Archives and Dracula from re:dracula are voiced by the same person

sickens me to my stomach. how dare this guy get to live my dream.

ok ok, so, I just kind of realised that Simon Fairchild is older than planes right? so, can you imagine how excited he was when they were invented? he felt the fresh fear of the wright brothers for those first 12 seconds and went insane.

OR, alternatively, he invented the aeroplane because he was bored of just throwing people from cliffs

ohmygod. he was absolutely fucking ecstatic. overwhelmed with joy. best day of his life. he would force every other avatar onto a plane immediately

this is the saddest fucking thing. wheres that post about when you cant even write a poem about it because its just there already

little kids make me laugh. i was at a party yesterday and a kid was there and she noticed that i have a long straight cut along the length of my thumb and asked about it, so i told her it was a cat scratch, almost healed, didn't hurt. and then she was sorta staring and touching it for a bit and went "you had bone surgery. because there were termites in your bones."

so i played along and went "oh man, i hope they got em all!" and she went "no. they put in more." lmao