I Keep Forgetting When These Days Are, But If You're Ace, You're Cool

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Climb aboard, then!” But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. “Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.” 

“I can’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

___

…But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.

“It was going to sting me anyway,” muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. “It was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.”

___

…But no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. “What do you think you’re doing?” said the frog.

“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.

“After the kindness I showed you!” said the frog. “And you threatened to kill me in return?”

“Kindness?” said the scorpion. “To only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpion’s sting.”

___

…“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

“You have a point,” the frog acknowledged. “But once we get to dry land, couldn’t you sting me then without repercussion?”

“All I want is to cross the river safely,” said the scorpion. “Once I’m on the other side I would gladly let you be.”

“But I would have to trust you on that,” said the frog. “While you’re pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land I’d be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.”

“But by the same logic, I can’t possibly withdraw my stinger while we’re still over water,” the scorpion protested.

The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. “So, I suppose we’re at an impasse.”

The river rushed around them. The scorpion’s stinger twitched against the frog’s unbroken skin. “I suppose so,” the scorpion said.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Absolutely not!” said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.

___

A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.

They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.

___

…Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell.

The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpion’s sting, was offended at the scorpion’s ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” sneered the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back.”

The scorpion pleaded earnestly. “Do you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Even a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!”

But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.

“I knew it,” snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. “A scorpion cannot change its nature.”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.

“I’ve only myself to blame,” sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. “You, you’re a scorpion, I couldn’t have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now I’ve doomed us both!”

“You couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion mildly. “It’s your nature.” 

___

…“Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.”

“Alas, I was of two natures,” said the scorpion. “One said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.” It smiled wistfully. “Ah, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldn’t it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.”

___

“By the way,” said the frog, as they swam, “I’ve been meaning to ask: What’s on the other side of the river?”

“It’s the journey,” said the scorpion. “Not the destination.”

___

…“What’s on the other side of anything?” said the scorpion. “A new beginning.”

___

…”Another scorpion to mate with,” said the scorpion. “And more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.”

___

…”Nothing we will live to see, I fear,” said the scorpion. “Already the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?”

___

“I love you,” said the scorpion.

The frog glanced upward. “Do you?”

“Absolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. You’re a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that trust? Isn’t that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?”

The frog swam on, the both of them silent.

___

“I’m so tired,” murmured the frog eventually. “How much further to the other side? I don’t know how long we’ve been swimming. I’ve been treading water. And it’s getting so very dark.”

“Shh,” the scorpion said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The frog’s legs kicked out weakly. “How long has it been? We’re lost. We’re lost! We’re doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. There’s nothing on the other side, don’t you see!”

“Shh, shh,” said the scorpion. “My venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.” 

“You - You’ve killed us both,” said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. “Is this - is this what it’s like to drown?” 

“We’ve killed each other,” said the scorpion soothingly. “My venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?”

“What a foolish thing to do,” murmured the frog. “No logic. No logic to it at all.”

“We couldn’t help it,” whispered the scorpion. “It’s our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - It’s all our fault! We are both blameless. We’re together now, darling. It couldn’t have happened any other way.”

___

“It’s funny,” said the frog. “I can’t say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But I’m doing this for you regardless. It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”  

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Come aboard, then!” But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frog’s back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the river’s bank.

The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. “Ah,” it muttered. “For some reason I never considered this possibility.”

“Because you were never scared of me,” the scorpion whispered in its ear. “You were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?” The scorpion bowed its head and drank. “How could anyone kill you without killing themselves?”

We need like “unclench your jaw” posts but for eye strain. Like

Go look at something 20ft away for 20 seconds.

hi i just created an excel sheet where i can pick a meal and have it autopopulate the ingredients i'll need as a shopping list

i have never felt so smart

This could be the most important post I’ve ever shared. Please Share it with anyone who is or might be going through this terrible disease.

https://twitter.com/ItsMa____/status/1345432772538724355?s=19

There will never be enough "regular human unfamiliar with Amity Park's nonsense has the misfortune of doing crime around local cryptid Danny Fenton" content out there.

Don't get me wrong there are some absolute gems:

Shots Fired by @things-i-cannot-do-in-amitypark

Things Just Happen Sometimes by Thatweirdointhecorner

Poor Life Choice by @princessfanonanona

maybe one day I'll be home again by anthrop

Suffocation by @sapphireswimming

This post by @lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks

(and a few more that I can't find / are escaping my memory right now. feel free to reblog with additions!)

...But there will never be enough

Y’all, I need fic recommendations to introduce someone to the phandom, please give me some-

Do you have any DK17 fic recs? I have a need to read more of the Duck family

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!!! :D

(Also a lot of the fics I'm about to list were written by authors who have a lot of other good DT fics, so check those out, too! I'm just listing a few of my favorites here :] )

On Our Own by Godsliltippy

Unintended Consequences by Godsliltippy

Keeping the Balance by Sand_wolf579

Rose By Any Other Name Still Has Thorns by Seiicubus

help us to hear you by phillipAsoo

always here by phillipAsoo

thank you for being here by phillipAsoo

you're not broken by phillipAsoo

DT17 Magic AU by twilighteve

louie’s christmas list: reasonable, boring, scarves by Humanities_Handbag

hear these words and have faith by Rehearsal_Dweller

Stars Above by Rehearsal_Dweller

Problem Children by mandaree1

I'm a little sick right now... by ToshiChan

Huey Duck's Non-Comprehensive, Ever Growing List of Reasons Why Being a Triplet is Awesome by Nebulous_Bounds_of_Bad_Taste

AND NOW MY FRIENDS CAUSE THEY'RE AMAZING:

Turbulence by CalamityOfColors

Build a Bridge, then Burn it Down by sodaschemes

Truth Serum by ReesieReads and sodaschemes

Stargazing by ReesieReads

Sacrifice 104 by ReesieReads

Shovels, Spiders, and Corn, Louie Duck’s Recipe For Disaster! by ReesieReads

Bad kid by Lunellyn

Blank by cookies_loves_duckies

Sewing. by cookies_loves_duckies

back to who I was, on to find my future by AuthorUnkind

Soaring, flying by AuthorUnkind

Crushing by Josecarioca

I'm sure that there's a lot of other great fics out there, but this is what I came up with this time! Again, make sure to check out the other DT fics that these authors have written!! And if anyone wants to, feel free to add more to this :]

(Hi @staarshiine @ninja-go-to-therapy @reesiereads @lunellyn @cookies-loves-duckies @nblaunchpad @nonbinaryboyd ily all <33)

Fic recs pls 🥺👉👈

you want me to give you fic recommendations??🥺 for some reason I don’t feel i’m qualified, but thanks, i’m flattered.

anyway, here are some of my favorite fics and some phandom classics ;)

Phantom of Truth by HaiJu

a classic among fans. if you are looking for some really heavy angst, this is the fic for you.

A Snapping Sound by Represent

this is a horror/murder mystery au of the show. also pretty popular among fans.

Things I Can(not) Do in Amity Park by ReadHeadsRock1010

pretty funny fic where danny is a senior and doesn’t care about his secret identity anymore, so he tests the limit of Amity Park’s ignorance.

Speak To Me by Miss_Nihilist

reveal fic where danny is stuck speaking ghost speak.

Everything Was White by @lexosaurus

you want more modern angst? don’t worry i got you. in this fic, danny is exposed to the public and is taken by the GIW and now he has to deal with the aftermath. (lexx has some awesome fics. you should definitely check em out)

Mortified by @five-rivers

pretty long gen fic for you to binge. if you like clockwork being a dad to danny, this is the fic for you. (marsalias is also an amazing writer. please check her fics, they’re always putting new stuff. another good fic by them is Flower/Moon/Corruption/Gloves)

What Means the Most by @feralhalfghost

a twist on kindred spirits. one of my favorite identity reveals out there.

Double Standard by @mystyrust

valerie centric fic! valerie is left with a lot of questions after the events of d-stabilized and the only person that could probably answer them is phantom (mysty has some hilarious social media fics too)

Threads of Time by ZombieRed

maddie centric reveal fic. maddie is trapped on a time loop and has to figure out the way get out of it

Easy Target by gallavichsecurity

dash centric fic! dash knows something weird is going on with fenton and tries to get to the bottom of it.

Magnetized by @imekitty

maddie wants to experiment on her son. just your good ol dissection fic (they have amazing fics! another well know fic by them is Planned. you should definitely give their stuff a look)

Mortality Salience by Alexa_Piper

danny and valerie get stuck together

@realghostboy by @dotsz

hilarious social media fic. perfect if you want some good laughs.

Unveiled by @darks-ink

jack centric! jack finds himself in vlad’s secret lab and discovers a lot of things while looking around (DarkNymfa is an amazing writer and has a lot of dp fics for you to check. some other fics i like from them are Glow Sticks and Grounded)

Danny Phantom’s House of Horror by Browa123

danny convinces his parents to let him open a haunted house for halloween and they make him promise no real ghost would be involved. halfas aren’t exactly real ghost though. (another fic i like from the same author is Self-Defense)

A Little Off Point by @wastefulreverie

maddie and jack mistakenly jump to conclusion that their son is a vampire after noticing the oddities that surround him. (rev has some really good dp fics that you should definitely check out. one that i like a lot is Speak to Me)

The Curious Case of Danny Fenton by @ladylynse

you like wes weston? then you are in luck, because here’s a really good wes centric fic (i feel like i’m repeating myself, but please go check the rest of their work. one of my favorites is Complications)

was this an excuse to shoutout my favorite writers? yes

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

You ever stand there and watch everything fall apart and just think “ah yes, time to return to my roots” and restart an obsession from 10 years ago or are you normal