Life Is Hard - Blog Posts

You ever stand there and watch everything fall apart and just think “ah yes, time to return to my roots” and restart an obsession from 10 years ago or are you normal

I realize that 80% of being an adult is trying to figure out what you want for dinner...every day...for the rest of your life 🥲

Like at this point I dont have the energy to change the direction my life is taking right now. Like God's taken the steering wheel and I'm just cruising along in the passenger seat, that's what's happening rn. Or maybe the devil's the one holding the steering wheel, idk someone's in the driver's seat. Or maybe it's a self driving car, the way my life's going it seems like a self driving car. Or maybe it's all just minutes away from crashing and burning and no one's driving the car at all and we're just headed towards an accident.

somewhat of a long rant !! read if u want!!

this is more like me dissing myself , but it's fine probably 🙏

sometimes I just get disappointed whenever a certified adult doesn't want any minors of their friendlist . It's not their fault either!! I understand that maybe they just want people closer to their age group and that's totally fine!!! I'm just a bit sad about it though . I'd love to make friends with everyone no matter their age . as long as they're respectful and fun to be around with!!

but I honestly find those people so cool, and the fact that I can't interact with them makes me so sad 💔 I just rlly wanna make new friends w the same interest unfortunately . It's also kinda my fault for being in a place where mostly older teens n adults reside , but it's not my fault that I can't find a decent server to hang out in!! right?? ,, grahh I dunno . I just rlly wanna be friends with cool people :'(

I just overall can't seem to find people in my age group , and even if I do, they don't seem to acknowledge me at all . like I've tried before , but they just seem to ignore me 💔 that's just life I fear ,,, graahhhhhh maybe it's the fact most friends I have , I look up to ,, ooo parental issues oooo

grahh sorry gang , i know u follow me for cool art💔💔 I swear ill get back to work!!!! just have some yaps while ur here

somewhat long rant!!! read if u want idrc :) I'm just saying nonsense

is it just me , or does anyone else gets like upset whenever someone does a thing better than you .

like, imagine being in a new server right . you're trying your best to make friends n stuff , but yet not much progress . and then a new person joins and immediately gets to make so many new friends

LIKE HOW??? IVE BEEN HERE LONGER . TRYING MY HARDEST . HOWD YOU . i guess it's more like jealousy? is it petty ?? i dunno . sometimes I'd look at their messages and try to figure out what made them so much more likeable than me .

it's like watching a 12 year old paint the mona lisa . it just genuinely hurts , and it's not even their fault whatsoever . I'm just too dramatic apparently

sometimes I think it's because of how closer to age they are . I'm way younger than everyone it seems like , and I fear if they interact with a minor , something bad will happen :( I don't wanna cause that!! no!! I just want friends!! people to talk interests about :(( I look up to most of them a lot and I don't want to be pushed away because of my age . I wish I was born a little more while back ,,

gah sorry guys , school is near and I've been overthinking lately :'(

Today I had a shitty day!!! At least I feel like shit right now :'(

I know no one cares about my day, but I feel awful and really need to let it out.

So today I woke up like every morning, got dressed and had a cup of coffee. It was supposed that today I had to go to reinscript myself to my Japanese course, so we (my mom, sister and I) left early and when there. This schools opens 7 a.m., but starts attending students until 9, and we arrived at 9:45. At first the woman who attended us, told us tjat we needed to wait there until the Teacher (still I don't know what teacher she was talking about) authorized my reinscription. We waited 1 hour, then my mom and sister left, mom got a called from her job so I told her I'll wait until they authorize it. I WAITED THERE UNTIL 1 p.m.!!! In those 3 hours I kept asking "Not yet?" And she started answered:

Sorry not yet, it won't take much longer. He is reading the message.

No, but it's configuring.

No, but you have until 4 p.m., no wait... it's 1:30, to check in.

No. Maybe you could come back tomorrow.

You should come back tomorrow, your goup it's still open.

What the hell ma'm?!?!

I mean how you can go from "wait a little longer" to "Come back tomorrow"??? GOD! I didn't went to the bathroom in all that time and, not only I was peeing, but also, I was starving because I didn't had breakfast.

Fine. Tomorrow I'll try again.

Then I arrived home (before this we went tto buy pizza and I went to the bathroom)and the workers where there, you see my house is pretty old and my ceiling gas some leaks so theres people fixing them, so there was some annoying noises I wasn't in the mood to tolerate, we aet and mom went back to work.

She came back until 4:30, I guess. But I was so annoyed by the noise that I decided to take a nap until 6, at time we would leasve to my Japanese classes, even though I am still not signed in, because logic. I arrived to my class and there was as blackout in the entire school. Bad thing number one. Then I realised I forgot my dinner lunch in the car. NUMBER TWO. Then the teacher put us an exam, wich I couldn't answer correctly, My mind got blank, I started to remembered some things but I couldn't completely remember kanjis. After we finished the test, we immediately started checking. In the end I didn't made a bad job. This 2 things weren't that bad, what really bad happened was that:

First of all my mom went to aa meeting and if she was going to pick me up it will be in the moment she told: Hey, I'm here. So I was worried, she gets angry if I'm not in time. And second, because my mind was worrying I got completely distracted and forgot my pencil case in the classroom. This wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't a public school were students take and never return whatever t they find. AND I WOULDN'T BE SO MAD AND SAD IF MY DRAWING PENCILS AND MATERIAL WEREN'T IN THAT PENCIL CASE. I'm just about to enter to arts university and My family doesn't have that much money to buy me new ones and I feel like trash because I forgot them... How could I? I'm Stupid, untidy and distracted. So silly of me, and I'm not writing this for you to feel sorry about me. It's because I need to let it out of my system, because tomorrow it's going to be a new day, right? Ineed to get up early and take out my dog for a walk and then go back to the school to sign me up and look for my pencil case. Hope to find it. I hope for the best.

By the way the only way I managed to finish my day was my sister and cat. My sister listened to me and gave me a big hug and my cat heard me crying in the bathroom and came to me, got over my knees sat in my lap and started purring. I couldn't believe it!!!

He is the best.

Even though sometimes he is just in cat mood and bite and scratch you.

Thank you for whoever read this to the end. I know there are worst things above what happened to me. But... Maybe someone who lived a similar situation feels bad about it and doesn't have someone to talk to, like me. So I really appreciate you for reading all this. Amd if you ever feel like bad and want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. Message me if you want I'm all ears.

Have a great night/day.😘😗😙😚

Love, Ihanna.