Congratulations, Jod Na Nawood. You Just May Be The First Star Wars Character To Deny The Call Of Adoptive

gender-affirming surgery is a months-long dark comedy. what the fuck do you mean you're charging me double for everything. what do you mean they itemize the bill by left and right ball. what the fuck.

you know what they say, you can't spell 'carpe diem' without die

hey so last night i was looking for charming teddy bears, and what should have been a just and noble quest devolved into a horrible discovery:

for around 200 big ones, you can purchase a teddy bear with the body of a man and the eyes of a creature that knows it should not exist

THE LITTLE T AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN CHANGES COLOUR WHEN I CLICK ON IT O LOVE THIS APP

in bed. straight up "snorking it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. mimimimi

I know there are a lot of fanfics about Jason being caught by the Justice League and usually getting bailed out by the batfam, but imagine if it was Brucie Wayne bailing him out:

In the JL interrogation room:

Superman: Alright, Red Hood, who is your supplier helping you move drugs in Star City?

Red Hood, who was undercover investigating a drug ring and got caught in a JL bust and sesnses an opportunity to mess with Batman: Look, I know you guys aren't cops, but can I get at least get one phone call?

Justice league looking skeptical?

Red Hood: You can even monitor it.

Green Arrow: Fine one phone call, but it will be monitored.

Hands Hood a phone

Red Hood: Hey Dad, I got stopped by the Justice League. Could you come bail me out? Really, okay, see you soon. Okay, my Dad said that he would bail me, so could we go over to the teleporters?

Green Arrow: Okay, firstly, we aren't cops, you can't just post bail and get out. Secondly, how would this "Dad" get up here?

Red Hood: You'll see.

Minutes later, Brucie Wayne walks in with a trail of Heroes, trying to explain why he cannot be at the Watchtower.

Superman: Mr. Wayne what are you doing here and how did you get here?

Bruce laying the Brucie persona on thick: Well as one of the Justice League's biggest doners and tech suppliers I have access to the teleporters, as for why I'm here it's to bail out my son. Hi Jaylad!

Red Hood fully expecting Batman: What?

Green Arrow remembering his friend's grief over loosing Jason: Ummmm, Mr. Wayne this is the Red Hood. You know "Bag full of severed heads" Red Hood.

Brucie: Yes, I know he's had some issues with his big feelings, but he's still my sweet little boy.

Superman: And you think that he's your late son Jason Todd?

Brucie: Yes, Batman even confirmed it was him. It turns out that after he died, he was brought back by an organization that planned on using him as a weapon against Batman. But he left them and has been working to improve Crime Alley, I'm so proud of him.

Green Arrow: We caught him in Star City with Drug runners.

Brucie: I'm sure he has a good explanation, don’t you Jaylad?

Red Hood still reeling from Bruce showing up as Brucie and not Batman: I was undercover?

Brucie: See perfectly reasonable, now can I please have my baby boy back? Alfred will be so upset if he's not home for dinner.

Surprisingly, this works , the Justice League is to stunned by this revelation and later confirm this with Batman that yes, the notorious Red Hood is the son of Billionaire, philanthropist airhead Brucie Wayne. Jason, meanwhile, has suffered a huge blow to his cred in the Hero community because of the association with Brucie instead of the Batfam. The bat siblings do not let this go anytime soon.

guys whoever reblogs this gets a random question in their ask box. literally random. it could be “would you pet an isopod” or “is god real” (nothing too crazy)

edit: IM GOING TO SLEEP SORRY IF I DONT RESPOND I WILL GET AROUND TO THIS

insane of RvB to have been called Red vs Blue for like 21 years, 19 seasons and a movie, when the red team vs blue team conflict is already revealed to be bullshit by season 2 lmao