My Biggest Fantasy. If Only....

Any symbols for Stags to wear?

So we've only just started this exciting journey. I've designed an emblem that represents our Stag & Vixen relationship, had it engraved onto a heart charm and presented it to my wife as a "Hotwife Proposal" as an anklet. (I happily announce she said "yes". I was more nervous over this proposal than when I first proposed to her 25 years ago).

I'd like to wear something that indicates that I'm married to a Hotwife without it being some kind of humiliating cuckold message. Perhaps a piece of matching jewellery that other Hotwife couples will recognise.

Is there any accepted jewellery for Stags, like anklets are for Hotwifes?

This really is solid advice. Thank you.

So, my girlfriend and I are planning on having our first threesome with some guy she knows and after having an anxiety attack about the whole thing I was wondering... Is there a way to make it so I don't get too jealous over this and feel the urge to cut his throat while he's making my girlfriend feel good? He's 7 while I'm 6.3-4. She's said that we don't have to if I don't want to and she'd be doing this purely for me since its my turn on and I hate that it is but what can I do?

This is a slightly different request for advice than I normally receive. Usually, I get some form of “How can I convince my wife/girlfriend to…yada, yada, etc?” In your case, your girlfriend is giving you the green light to experiment, but you’re justifiably cautious.

I have to assume you’ve read through all of the advice posts on this board. If not, it’s probably worth your time to do so now. Otherwise, read on.

My first piece of advice is simple: if you’re not absolutely certain that you’re ready, then I’d hold off for now. You can always do this later, but you can’t re-cork that genie after it’s out of the bottle.  I will never be able unsee my wife fucking other men, and she can’t be unfucked, but that’s okay for us. If you’re not sure that you’re okay with that, slow down. You don’t have to stop, but slow down.

I think a common mistake people make with this stuff is that they jump straight to sex. Why not simply watch your girlfriend make out with the other guy? Maybe she can simply give him a handjob while they fool around. Remember when you were a virgin and it was awesome simply to get to first base? A hand up the shirt was a powerful adrenaline rush. It’s kind of like that.  Anything you do will blow your mind anyway, so there’s no rush to have vaginal penetration. Have her sit between the two of you while you take turns making out with her, feeling her tits and/or fingering her. Maybe if you get relaxed enough you can encourage her to go down on him, or him on her. Or take turns grinding with her, or maybe you make out with her while he goes down on her. There are so many fun possibilities besides simply jumping headlong into sex.

A word of caution. It sounds like you’re planning on doing this with some guy she knows. That’s kind of a warning flag, if you’re at all worried about jealousy. She has some degree of relationship with this guy, and it sounds like she knows him more than you do. That might exacerbate any jealousy issues. Are you going to be worried if she’s contacting him later, or driving yourself crazy wondering who just texted her? I have no doubt that she’s on the up and up, but I’d be more worried about your mindset after it’s over. Maybe it seems safer to explore this with someone other than Stranger Danger.  We preferred our first time to be with a complete stranger, so that if it was awful we could at least close that particular door forever.

You’re going to feel some crazy jitters beforehand. If you drink, a few glasses of wine may help settle the nerves. Too much wine will probably make it worse. I’d advise against being drunk for this – if you need that, you’re probably not ready.

I have no doubt you’re talking and fantasizing about this during sex with your girlfriend. That’s always hot! Now try talking about it AFTER you have sex. After you cum and you’re getting up from bed, maybe discuss some of the logistics  – where does she want to meet with him or do you need to buy condoms for him or if she wants to go out and grab drinks after it’s over. If you make yourself sick doing that when you’re not really in the mood, then maybe you should think twice about doing it for real. Because after he fucks your girlfriend, eventually you’re going to orgasm and have to deal with a few moments of post-orgasm angst.

That reminds me. It may help to have something to do after the big event. Are you planning to go out for a late dinner? Drinks? Breakfast the next day? Give yourself a “next step” after the deed is done. Something for both of you to do together.

I’m hate sounding so preachy, but I wanted to respond thoughtfully. We love that others vicariously enjoy our experiences through this blog, but we’d feel genuinely awful if we played any part in irresponsibly encouraging others to do something for which they weren’t ready.  Your girlfriend sounds awesome, that she’s willing to try something like this in large part because it turns you on. Tell her how awesome that is.

Above all, talk this whole thing out with her. Seriously, it’s no big deal to tell her about your anxiety. The anxiety is what gets you off, but you’re not sure if it will overwhelm you during the act. It will help her to know the (somewhat intentional) torture you’ll be experiencing during the moment. Make sure you establish something like a  “safe word” with her before you play, if you would like it to stop without you having to make a big scene. Agree that any of you can shut it down if you’re not feeling it, and nobody gets to have hard feelings about it.

And if you decide you’re ready, remember that you love each other. Don’t forget to remind each other of that before, during, and after.

Let me know if this helps. I’d love to hear how it goes (or doesn’t’ go), and I’m sure virtually every follower of this blog feels the same way.

We're going out this Friday night. Our kid is out with friends so we're going to our nearest bar "to be adults".

You have no idea how much I hope she flirts with someone.

Hold thumbs for me.

I encourage my wife to wear hers. It's a very special feeling to see her wear it.

Bring it on.

That's my lady - go take what you want.

I need friends like this to hang out with...

Worship bwc

What a fantastic post. Thank you. It's brilliant.

A guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle for prospective Hotwives

This guide to entering the Hotwife lifestyle oieced from various sources on the net; thanks to their assistance here!        

Probably, you were quite unaware that a large percentage of men, your husband being one of them, even had these desires. He wants to share you with other men and women and see you enjoy sex with them!

If you are the adventurous open minded type, and you likely are, you are now contemplating doing what he fantasises about; being able to enjoy the company of other men; their different personalities and conversations, touch, kisses, bodies, their cocks and ways of fucking which will all enhance the wonderful experience that is your marriage and your life! 

If you are brave and naughty enough and you embark down this path, you will find yourself having more fun, happiness and sexual fulfilment than you ever thought possible. You will be feeling as confident as you did when you were first married and probably find yourself even more in love with your husband and appreciating him more than ever.

 Initially, it might take time before you are completely comfortable describing your fantasies to your hubby, having sex in front of him and enjoying dates with other men without him. To begin with, it is important to go slowly and not rush things, you need to check and nurture your relationship first and foremost. Your husband’s approval and peace of mind is fundamental as most men are unaccustomed to actually sharing their wives even if they have fantasied about it. After all, it is against all that society has groomed him to be; he’ll therefore take some time to overcome his instinctive jealousy and become accustomed to watching or knowing you are being intimate with other men without him.

 You must help his mind accept and be happy for you being with other men; make the thoughts as pleasurable for him as they are for you. You should regularly and casually talk sexually about men, women too if you are that way inclined, like I am. Talk about your past sexperiences, thoughts and lovers in detail whilst in bed together; never be at all reserved about this, thinking you are protecting his feelings in one way or another. Tell him in detail about your best times and your favourite men; whilst you both are being intimate have him imagine you with them as well as being with men you actually know.

 Once your husband is completely comfortable and happy with this, you can gradually move on to actually dating and fucking other men. This really will become quite natural for you both and providing he never feels neglected, he will let you do anything sexually and will get great sexual satisfaction from your encounters with other men, he will be pleased that you are happy and enjoying life. You will discover it will also turn you both on like nothing you’ve ever done before and most importantly, he will be drawn to your womanly sexiness like never before and be more in love with you than at any time in your marriage as your bond strengthens further.

 To find your playmates, look at men everywhere, young and old, enjoy looking at them, but don’t always go on looks. Next time you are out shopping or out and about, see if you can find one guy you fancy in some way. If you do, initiate some form of basic conversation. It may be a little nerve wracking, but do it, you will be happier for it and who knows where it may lead? Visit an adult dating website or a swinger’s club and start interacting with men. Be upfront about your newbie-status and that you’re only dipping your toes at this stage. Get to know some experienced “bulls”, most will be more than happy to answer questions and respect your need to explore at your own pace. You may want to discreetly indicate to those in the know that you are a Hotwife by wearing an anklet; either ankle will do. It is a discreet sign that you are available to date other men with her husband’s permission and approval. For most people who are not aware of the lifestyle, an anklet is simply an anklet and has no other meaning. Maybe wear one and see how you get along?

Try to find men you have a sexual chemistry with, it’s so important. Sexual chemistry isn’t dependent on physical attractiveness. I’ve had sex with many good looking men but felt little to no chemistry with them. The sex was good but it never left me wanting more. In fact, I didn’t care if I never saw them again. Conversely, I’ve played with men who were more or less average in attractiveness but months later, I find myself daydreaming about them, it’s either there or it isn’t.

The Hotwife lifestyle takes you away from the routine, like a weekend break or vacation does. You will be intimate with and share another person’s sexuality, looking at a different face and body, hearing a different voice and doing different things with your new lovers that you may not normally do. It will empower you and make you feel different about yourself in a great way. For me, I developed better emotional and physical intimacy with all men, especially my husband, enjoying sex more than ever, making me feel more confident than I ever had done previously.

Remember that open communication is important to establish your goals and boundaries and make this lifestyle work for you and your husband. The idea that you are sexy enough to go to another man for your sexual pleasures will drive him crazy with lust for you, trust me! Husbands of Hotwives want to be immersed into their wives’ sexual being completely as they are totally besotted by their wives; they relish the excitement of watching their partner and exploring her sexuality. A husband’s involvement can vary a lot, some Hotwives play completely on their own with no interaction with her hubby, others enjoy their man watching or participating, some do both. All variations on this lifestyle are appropriate, as all couples are unique in what they like, it is up to you. This includes how often the Hotwife dates and or fucks her new male friends, this may be weekly, monthly or just a few times a year, it’s up to you.

After your liaisons with other men, tell your husband all the intimate details whilst relaxing together, have him stroke himself and imagine you being with your lover whilst you tell him about the event. Don’t hide anything at all, if your lover made you cum with his big cock, say so, hold nothing back at all, even if you did stuff with your lover that you haven’t done with your husband. This creates a sexually charged closeness for you both on a continual basis; this is truly special part of the relationship for many couples.

A key point when embarking on this lifestyle is that you take control of your sexuality, it revolves around you, the Hotwife, empower yourself within the confines of your happy marriage. So, when you decide you’re going to go out and meet someone, or have someone over, just tell your husband, in a very matter of fact way whether he is to be involved or not. If you are having a man over, discuss with your husband him the things he can do to set the tone and create a special night for you both and your lover.  When your lover arrives, things then change; you are his, think about and look after his needs as well as yours. Don’t be timid and make small talk for an hour, everyone knows he’s there for a sexy time. Unashamedly show your desire for the other man, initiate intimacy and even drool over him and make compliments while your husband watches. Pay attention to your lover exactly like you would if you were totally alone with him, if you are not alone that is. Treat him like you treated your husband when you first started fucking. Let your naughty slut come out to play with plenty of dirty talk, give him all he wants and experiment a little. Don’t be shy or act inhibited, do anything you want and don’t be afraid to moan and scream and cry out with passion. Be sure to let your husband know when you orgasm with your new lover. Continue to pamper your lover exactly as you would your husband, right up until the goodnight kiss at the door. It’s always up to you, you’re the Hotwife, do what turns you on; you are in charge. The excitement of experiencing a new man sexually, while at the same time turning on the man I love, is difficult to explain but incredibly exciting.

Emotional attachment with your play dates can and will happen, so be watchful that lines are not crossed. Until you’ve got a better handle on things you should only contact a guy to arrange a date for sexual play. I’ve crossed the line in the past so I’m wary of repeating mistakes, common sense prevails here. . If a guy insists on more contact in between dates because he otherwise feels ‘used’, then I recommend moving on. 

 It doesn’t have to be all clinical either, a little contact and “closeness” between a Hotwife and her playfriends is more than appropriate and in many cases quite essential to build up some excitement before a meet. Even if I haven’t had contact with an out-of-town playmate for months, in the lead up to a date, we’ll exchange quite a few flirty and dirty text messages. There’s nothing like anticipation right? In fact, I would feel a bit weird jumping straight into bed with a guy without stoking the fire first. My husband actually likes building up some excitement and energy before a date so he thinks it’s more than fine to communicate or even see him for a drink or two first.

 This lifestyle is about living life to the full, however, you will be unsure at times. What is needed is for you both to take time to acclimatise to this new sexual way of living, so, pause and reflect. Ask yourselves some pertinent questions and then continue living the lifestyle or move on from it, maybe it’s just a little adjustment that is required. 

You must also remember that all women have phases of feeling unsexy and it occasionally takes time and a little effort to lure the sex goddess within you out to play, this is normal. Do not give up or cancel a playdate unless really necessary, persevere and stay on course. Hotwifing in itself is very good for a woman’s self-esteem but unless you feel confident about yourself, you won’t enjoy the experience as much as you should. Pamper and treat yourself to sexy underwear or something that makes you feel good. Men are definitely turned on by happy women. Remember that you are probably your harshest critic so take it easy on yourself.

On occasions when you have been with other men, with your hubby or without him, the next step is very important if you want to keep doing this and ensure your husband is happy supporting your Hotwife lifestyle. Turn all your attention to him, become his again, letting him reclaim you. You must be right back in your husband’s arms and become his wife and lover again, making sure he receives the love and pleasure so that he very much desires to watch you do it again and again. Over the next few days, reassure him that you’re his wife forever and remind him that you love the fact that he lets you enjoy this lifestyle. Tell him how much you enjoyed the time with your lover; replay the night over and over, tell him you can’t wait to do it again and how you appreciate the freedom he gives you. 

A word sometimes used to describe husbands in this alternative lifestyle, including mine, is “Stag”. This is a man who shares his woman, but without accepting being treated as a subordinate in any way by his wife and lover. Those who do enjoy this are known as Cuckolds and their activities cross over into the Sado-Masochism (S&M) lifestyle, different to what I’m talking about here. The men who entertain Hotwives (also known as Vixens) are called Bulls or perhaps more realistically, her lovers, playfriends or playdates.

 Chances are you’ll be having great sex with your Stag for weeks after he watches or hears about you fucking other men, he will naturally be more attentive and loving than he was before you started being his Hotwife for real, not just in his fantasies. 

The lifestyle will become an important part of your sexual relationship and it will grow into the most exciting sex life you’ve ever imagined together, there is so much to experience in this lifestyle that you’ll never be bored. One life, be happy together!

Absolutely - the naughtier, the better.

Re-blog if you're a happily married couple too.