. . . Funny Idea My Brother And I Had One Day: What If The Batkids Continuously Adopted One Another?

Gotta keep a straight face u guys

based on this post

Jason: yo, whatcha doin’? Damian: *arms crossed, glaring out the window* Father forbade me from moving out Jason: well you are like fiv— Damian: is this not called the land of the free? Jason: Damian: how can I be free, held within these walls like a canary in a coal mine? Forbidden from spreading my wings? Jason: bro you ain’t even in middle school yet, turn off the teenage angst and have one of the cookies I brought you Damian: *huffs and petulantly accepts the cookie* Jason: why’d’ya even wanna move out anyway? Damian: Jason: Damian: . . . Father said he would not allow me to house a tiger here, which I find unacceptable Jason: Jason: you. Have a tiger? Damian: *frowning* have I not mentioned this before? You must have seen her during your time in the League, Akhi. She was but a cub then Jason: KID, YOU KNOW I WAS HIGH AS A KITE ON GREEN ANGER JUICE WHILE I WAS RHERE. THE ONLY THINGS I CARED ABOUT WERE YOU, THAT ONE DESSERT MADE IN THE KITCHENS WITH RICE, AND THE EXTREMELY ENTICING IDEA OF BURNING THIS MANOR TO THE GROUND. YOU KNOW MY MEMORY OF THAT TIME IS SPOTTIER THAN DICK’S ABILITY TO ACCEPT PHONE CALLS. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD REMEMBER A FUCKIN CAT? I AINT EVEN A CAT PERSON Damian: *arches brow* really? You were the one to help me bottle feed her. She slept in your lap most nights. Jason: Jason: this is manipulation Damian: 🥺 Jason: Jason: fine. She can stay at my house. But you’re explaining this to Dickie.

“so what’s your favorite batfam trope?”

“bruce calling his kids sweetheart/sweetie/baby/any petname”

“what—“

-

Dick, accidentally scraping his knee: ow

Bruce, worried: you okay, dear?

Dick, a 30 year old man:

Dick, tearing up: no…

Cass: 😐

Cass: *period cramp*

Cass: 😐

Bruce, knocking on her door: cass?

Cass, suddenly on the floor curled up and sniffling: dad, period hurts 😢

Bruce, slamming the door open, picking his daughter up then tucking her back in her bed: i’m sorry baby. i’m here now, what do you need?

Red Robin, cranky and stressed, having been awake for 120 hours: ugh! why can’t you people do anything right!?

Wonder Girl, also sleep deprived: you arrogant piece of—

Red Robin, suddenly walking away, grabbing his civilian phone: *angrily dials a number*

Bruce, in a WE meeting, answering: hello? tim?

Red Robin, voice breaking: dad?

Bruce:

Batman, requesting access to Mount Justice:

Superboy, eye bags darker than black: what’s batman doing here

Red Robin, packing up, speed walking out the door:

Batman, out of sight: oh, don’t cry sweetie, let’s go home hm?

Bruce, washing the dishes:

Damian, entering the room: baba?

Bruce, smiling: yes?

Damian, shuffling towards him, holding something behind his back:

Bruce: what do you have there?

Damian, embarrassed but determined, holds up a drawing of him and Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce, tears streaming down his face: it’s beautiful habibi

Bruce: *sleeping*

Jason:

Jason: b

Bruce: ?!

Bruce: j-jay?

Bruce: what are you- oh.

Jason, laying next to him, face hidden in his chest: fuck you.

Bruce:

Jason:

Jason, quietly: i take it back. love you…dad.

Bruce, crying again: i love you too, sweetheart

-

now with a part 2!

bonus: captain marvel

Bruce: As you all know, this mission is going to be dangerous so I want you guys to pair up. Whoever’s left over will go with me.

Sounds of people shuffling around the room followed by an awkward silence

Jason (only one standing alone without a teammate): …

Jason: Wooooow do I really scare you guys that much? You guys are really going to stick me with that old fart?

Dick: Sorry, Jason. I promised Damian I’d team with him this time.

Damian: Yes. Last time I did a mission with you Todd, you threw me off a building.

Steph: Cassie and I have been dyyyyying to work together for the longest time and this is the first time our schedules have aligned for long enough to do it.

Cass: Nods in agreement Tim: Last time we worked together you called me a nerd the whole time, completely disregard the plan and almost got us both killed.

Duke: I am genuinely just scared of you.

Jason: … You know, all pretty valid points. Looks like it’s you and me, old man.

Bruce *pinching his brow*: I knew this was a bad idea…

vroom vroom bitch

been reading world's finest comics and fell in love with superbat co-parenting robin dynamic. that's litcherally their son

idk okay

Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

Jason Todd Drawing from lockdown times. I had found a really awesome pose reference account on Twitter (back when the platform was decent to use) and it got me thinking about Mafia!Jason.

there is a voice inside my head that whispers “wing au” every time i join a new fandom. it is currently winning.